Heroes...And The Rest Of Us.

The label rented us a rowhouse not far from town while the guys record. It's pretty small, but it has enough bedrooms for all of us to stay in without having roommates. Except for Adam and I, Jack is staying on a cot in our room. Right now, I'm alone in the house with Jack. All the guys are at the studio already. Jack is upstairs sleeping and I'm in the kitchen, making frosting for the cake I baked this morning.

I have the beaters on mixing the frosting and when I turn them off and turn around, I see Jack padding into the kitchen sleepily.

"Good morning. Would you like some coffee?" I say to him. We've been here for four days, and so far everything has gone pretty good. Jack has been getting along with all the guys really well and he's gone to the studio with them a couple times.

"Yes please." I pour him a fresh cup and top mine off. I set the cup in front of where he's sitting at the bar.

"Thank you." He says. "What are you doing?"

"Making frosting for the cake I baked this morning."

"You made a cake?"

"Yeah."

I eject the beaters from the mixer and hand one to him, then I lean against the counter facing him. We sit there in silence while we lick the beaters clean. When we're done, he takes my beater from me and carries it around the bar to the sink.

"What kind of cake is it?" He asks.

"Pumpkin. It's the same recipe that Adam and I used for our wedding cake." He nods.

"I was going to take a walk into town, do you want to come with me?" I ask.

"Do I have a choice?" He says with a smirk.

"Not really." I laugh.

"I'll go get ready."

"OK." He goes upstairs and I can hear him above me walking around. A few minutes later he comes back down.

"Ready?" He asks me.

"Yeah." I put my black trenchcoat on and leave it untied, and grab my purse.

We walk side by side on the sidewalk on the short walk to town. There are a lot of little stores and businesses on the outskirts on town, so you don't have to go into the big city to find something to do. We walk around and stop at a bakery to pick up some fresh bread for dinner, then we stop and have coffee at an outdoor cafe. We both prop our feet up on the spare chair that's sitting at our table.

"Do you think that you and Adam will always be together?" He asks me out of nowhere.

"Why do you ask?"

"Love is extremely foreign to me, but I'm pretty sure that you and Adam are like, in love." He uses finger quotes around the words "in love".

"I do love Adam. I am in love with him, and yes, I think we will always be together." He nods, not looking at me.

"Have you ever been in love?" I ask him.

"Yeah once, but she didn't feel the same way. She was just fucking me until she could get back with her ex, who just happened to be in my band."

"Wow, I'm sorry, Jack."

"It's not your fault."

"I know, it just sucks."

"No one ever said love was easy."

"That's for sure." We're silent for a minute.

"What about your parents? Do you think they love each other?" He asks.

"My mother left my father when I was a baby. I don't know if they ever loved each other. My father and the woman who raised me, have been together since I was three, though." He nods.

"What about your parents?" I ask.

"I don't want to talk about them." He says quickly.

"OK, then we don't have to. You ready to head back to the house?"

"Yeah." We get up and start the walk back home. When we get there, we hang out for a while and decide to watch a movie.

"What do you want to watch?" I ask him.

"What are my choices?"

"Titanic, Sleepless in Seattle, You've Got Mail, Pretty Woman, and Wyatt Earp."

"What the fuck is that? Those are all chick flicks!" He screams. I laugh at him.

"Wyatt Earp is not a chick flick."

"It's a western that chick's like, not a lot of difference."

"Oh my God, so what do you want to watch?"

"Wyatt Earp." He says laughing.

"Punk ass kid."

"I'm gonna go take a piss, I'll be right back."

"OK, do you want popcorn?"

"Yeah!" He yells down the hallway. I go into the kitchen and pop a bag in the microwave, and grab a bowl to put it in when it's done. The microwave beeps and I reach in with one hand, the bowl in my other hand. When I grab the popcorn it burn's my hand and I drop the bowl on the floor, where it breaks in a million pieces.

"OW! Fuck!" I yell. Jack comes in and stares at the mess I made, laughing.

"Stop laughing, it hurt." I say.

"Are you OK?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"You have to clean this mess up." He says.

"I know." I grab the broom and sweep up the chunks of glass.

"You wanna grab me another bowl, Jackson?" I ask, putting the glass in the garbage can. He doesnt say anything, so I turn around to face him. He looks completely enraged.

"What the fuck did you just call me?" He snaps.

"Whoa, I'm sorry Jack. I didn't mean to offend you." He stomps across the kitchen and grabs me hard around my wrists.

"You fucking bitch! You're a fucking whore, you're all the same!" He screams.

"Jack, calm down honey. I'm sorry."

"No you're not! You're never sorry!" He pulls me into the living room and pushes me down on the couch, still holding my by my wrists.

"You're the reason he did what he did to me, you bitch! You're the only one who could have stopped him and you didn't!" He screams in my face. He's holding me down so I can't get away from him.

"Jack, stop this. You have to talk to me, what is wrong with you. Please just talk to me." I beg.

"Talk? You want to talk? You're a whore, you just fucked me until you fucking left me for him. You wanted him all along and everyone knew it, except for me, I was the last to know about you and your fucking games, bitch!" It's obvious to me that he's not in his right mind, but I don't understand what happened, or what he's even talking about.

"Jack, who do you think you're talking to right now? Your ex?"

"I'm fucking talking to you, bitch!" He screams.

"No, no you're not."

"Everyone else knew about you, and you couldn't even tell me where the fuck to go!"

"Jack, stop this. I can help you, just let me go." I say calmly.

"You wanted this. Since the day we met, you fucking wanted this."

"Jack, what the fuck is going on?!" I hear Adam scream. Thank you God. I look over Jack's shoulder and see the whole band come into the living room. Adam and Neil grab Jack off of me and pin him against the wall behind them. I sit up on the couch. Brad and Bary rush over to my side.

"Sophie are you OK?" Brad asks me, he's crouched down next to me with his hand on my back.

"Yes." I say hoarsly.

"You little fucking prick. What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Adam screams at Jack, who doesnt say anything.

"I need water." I say to Barry and Brad. They hand me a bottle that one of them had when they came in the room. I twist the cap off and drink some slowly.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Jack?" Neil yells. Barry walks over to where they have Jack pinned.

"Neil, let him go." He says. Neil looks at him out of the corner of his eye, then lets go of Jack. Adam is still holding onto him. Something has changed in Jack's eyes, a few minutes ago it was rage, now he looks terrified.

"Oh my God, what did I do? Sophie? Is she OK? Did I hurt her?" He says in a panic. Adam looks at him confused.

"Adam let go of him. He's messed up, he's freaking out." Barry says.

"He just had my wife pinned down on the couch, and you want me to let go of him?"

"Adam! Let go of him and go sit in that chair, now!"

Adam finally lets go of Jack and sits in the chair that Barry pointed to in the living room.

"Sophie, come over here by me." He says, still furious. I get up and walk over to me and sit on his lap.

"Jack, sit down on the couch." Barry demands. Jack quickly complies and sits on the couch. Neil is sitting on another chair, and Brad is now standing near where I was just sitting on the couch.

"You are not my problem, you are Adam and Sophie's problem. But, if I'm going to be in any association with you, I better never see you with your hands on any woman like that, ever again." Barry spits at Jack.

"I don't know what happened to me, I'm so sorry Adam." He's crying now. Adam just stares at him.

"What are you on, baby?" I ask him. It seems like it was just yesterday that I was asking Adam the same question on a tour bus in Chicago.

"I just want to talk to you guys alone." He says.

"Let's go upstairs." I say, taking Adam's hand. Jack leads the way, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.

When we get to our room, Jack immediately goes to his suitcase and reaches into it. I go over and stand behind him. He pulls back a tear in the lining of the suitcase and grabs a tiny baggie of white powder from it. He hands it to me and I shove it into my jeans pocket.

"How much of this do you have?" I ask.

"That's the last of it."

"How much did you have?"

"Two bags that size."

"You did this when you told me you were going to the bathroom?"

"Yeah, and when I was getting dressed this morning." I look back at Adam, who's sitting on the edge of our bed. He shakes his head at me, I can tell he's not pissed off anymore. He runs a hand through his hair.

"Come and sit down." I say to Jack. He sits down on the bed in between Adam and I.

"Do you remember what happened down there?" I ask him.

"I thought I was screaming at my mother, and my ex, but it was you.

"Why?"

"You called me Jackson, and my mother always called me that."

"OK. Why were you saying those things to your mother and your ex?"

"They treated me like shit. I hated them, I still do." I sigh.

"I loved them both so much, and they both treated me like shit and then just left me." He starts crying again. I pull his head down and he cries into my chest while I hold him. I look at Adam, who looks pained. He puts a hand on Jack's back and I reach down and put my hand on his.

"I'm so sorry, you guys. You've both been so good to me. You've like, taken me in and you don't even know me. Then I went behind your backs and did this." He sobs.

"Shh, don't even think about it right now." I say.

"Did I hurt you when I grabbed you?"

"No, I'm fine."

"I'm so sorry, Adam."

"I know man, it's alright." He sits up and looks at both of us.

"Why don't you try and get some sleep, honey? Just sleep this off and we'll figure it all out when you wake up." I say. He nods and lays down on the bed. I cover him and stroke his forehead gently until he falls asleep. Adam and I leave him and go into the bathroom together. I pull the bag of drugs out of my pocket and dump them down the toilet. I try to stand up, but I feel weak. I grab Adam's shoulder to steady myself and he holds me around my back. I drop to my knees and puke in the toilet. Adam rubs my back until I finish. I tell myself that it's just nerves, but I can see it on Adam's face, and it's definitely on my mind that I missed two birth control pills before we came here.

"Are you OK?" Adam asks.

"I don't know. I didn't know it was going to be this hard."

"Come on, lets go downstairs." We go downstairs and I force myself to cook dinner and eat with the guys. When we're done, we all go out to the back yard and the guys start a bonfire. I left my cell phone upstairs with Jack and told him to call me the second he woke up. It's just barely dark outside, but by the light of the fire I can see bruises forming on my wrist's where Jack grabbed me. Adam comes up from behind me and kisses the top of my head.

"Hey, Babe." I say. I hear his cell phone ring and I quickly answer it.

"It's me. Can you come inside alone, please?" Jack.

"Yeah, I'll be right in." I hang up and give Adam his phone back.

"Do you want me to come with you?" He asks.

"No." I go into the house and leave my beer on the kitchen counter. I shouldn't be drinking it anyways. I go upstairs and find Jack sitting with his back against the headboard in the bedroom.

"Hey. How'd you sleep?" I ask and sit on the edge of the bed.

"Good. Physically I feel better."

"And mentally?"

"I feel like shit. It's like everything that I thought I had dealt with, is all of a sudden coming back and I'm sick about what I did to you, and Adam."

"You did deal with all of that stuff, but you did it with drugs. You numbed it all out, all of that pain you felt about your parents and your ex. And now that you're getting clean, it's gonna come back."

"But what if I don't want it to come back? How do I make it go away without doing drugs?"

"You talk to people. We're going to do it right this time, and soon enough you'll realize that, like Adam, you're ready to feel that pain. That you'd rather feel it than be numb all the time."

"I don't want to feel it."

"I know that it's hard, but it's better to deal with it and move on with your life than to push it away. Because wether you realize it or not, what you're doing is keeping it right at the surface. Your body is telling you that you need drugs or all of that pain is going to come and hurt you again."

"But, that's exactly what's happening."

"I know. But we're going to make it better."

"Thank you." He leans forward and hugs me.

"You're welcome, honey. It's all gonna be OK, I promise." I say, hugging him back.

"Will you have Adam come up here?" I need to talk to him privately."

"Of course." I let go of him and go back outside where they're all sitting in camping chairs around the fire still.

"You're wanted upstairs." I say, touching Adam's shoulder.

He get's up without a word and goes into the house. I sit in his chair and take a sip of his beer. I feel a couple of tears fall down my cheek. What is with me? This kid has turned me into mush. Before I know it, I'm full on crying. All the guys are looking at me like I'm insane. Barry get's up after a minute and walks over to me. He places a hand the back of my head and pulls it forward, gently pushing it down between my knees, holding it there until I calm down a little. He moves his hand and I put my head back up. He gives me the tiniest hint of a smile.

"Thank you." I say. He sits back down and Brad hands me a new beer.

"How is he doing up there?" Neil asks. I wipe my eyes with my sweatshirt sleeve.

"He's a mess, and it's killing me because he reminds me so much of Adam." He nods.

"He is a lot like Adam, except he abosolutely nothing. It's like he's starting life over right now and he doesnt know how."

"He's had no one for so long, and it's like all of a sudden, here's Adam and I. In a week, we've become the only thing he's got. It's got to be kind of like, shocking, you know?"

"It takes a strong person to do what you and Adam are doing for that kid. There is so much manipulation and lying with someone like that. I mean, you know how it is, you saw Adam like that, kind of." Barry says. I hear the door to the house shut and see Adam walking towards us.

"How is he?" I ask when he sits down.

"He's sleeping again."

"What did he say?"

"He just kept apologizing for today. I asked him about his mom and his ex, it's like, as far as I can tell from what he told me, he has never gotten any real love returned to him by a woman, ever."

"Including his mother?" He nods at me.

"Wow."

"He sees you and what you're doing for him as love, and it's completely foreign to him because the women in his life have always treated him like garbage and then left. In his mother's case, died." I sigh.

"Hey," He reached over and takes my hand in his. "We're going to get him through this. He's gonna be OK." I nod my head.

"We'll take him to the studio with us tomorrow, because I'm sure there are some things you want to deal with alone." He says.

"Babe, you have no idea."