Heroes...And The Rest Of Us.

I wake up the next morning and see that Adam is already awake and dressed, laying beside me watching me sleep. I smile at him sleepily and close my eyes again. He pulls me closer to his body and kisses my forehead.

"Good morning." I say to him quietly so I don't wake up Jack.

"Morning." He kisses my lips and brushes some hair out of my face.

"Are you leaving soon?"

"Yeah, Jack's gonna go with us so you can do what you need to do today." I'm quiet for a minute.

"Will you still love me if it's negative?" I ask. He stares at me blankly.

"Why would you ask me that?"

"I just know how much you want to have kids, and I feel like if I'm not you would be disappointed in me."

"I love you more than I could ever say. Yes, in the future I would like to have kids with you, but I understand that now isn't the right time for you. You could never disappoint me, Babe." He says.

"And if I am? What happens then?"

"Then, we'll have the baby and love it, and deal with it the best we can." I sigh. He shoves his leg between mine, then put's the other one on top of my leg. I smile at him.

"You're so good to me." I say.

"Right back at you, Babe." He kisses me on the lips and gets out of bed. I roll over and close my eyes again.

"Let's go Jackie. Time to go." Adam says loudly and kicks Jack's cot. I hear metal hitting the hardwood floor and Jack swearing. Adam is laughing.

"Sorry Jack." He says. I sit up in bed and look down at them. The legs on the cot must have collapsed when Adam kicked it, because it's now flat on the floor with Jack still sitting in it.

"Fuck you." Jack says under his breath.

"You need to have a little more respect, kid."

"Mmmm."

"You have five minutes to be downstairs." Adam says.

"Alright." Adam comes over to the side of the bed and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

"Have a good day, Babe. Remember what I said, OK?"

"OK." I say, my eyes still shut.

"I love you."

"Love you too." He leaves the room and Jack comes out of the bathroom where he was getting dressed. I can hear his jewelry clanking as he walks across the room.

"Jack." I say.

"Yeah?"

"Come here." He comes over and I hug him tightly. He returns the hug, but it's a little awkward feeling.

"I love you, OK? Don't ever think otherwise." I say. He nods and I release him.

"Have a good time today." He nods again and leaves the room. I wait until I hear them all leave before I get out of bed. I put on jeans that are shredded, and a white camisole that looks like it's layered over a black one, and go downstairs to have some coffee. There's a pharmacy not too far away from here, so I'll walk there to get my test. I put shoes on and check my appearance in the mirror by the door before I leave.

When I get back home with the test, I immediately call Liv. I havent talked to anyone from home since I've been here, so I'm sure they're all pissed at me, especially Mike.

"Oh my God, she's alive." She says when she answers.

"Sorry, I've been a little busy up here."

"I'm sure you have. Hang on, I've got Mike on the other line, I'll put us on conference call."

"No, Liv don't do that!" Too late.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Mike asks.

"What do you mean, where have I been? I'm in Vancouver."

"Too busy to pick up the phone?" Liv asks.

"I didn't call to get bitched at, I called because I needed someone to talk to about the shit that's been happening up here."

"This ought to be good."

"Shut up, Mike. What do you need to talk about? Is everything OK with Adam? Or is it that kid took up there with you?" Liv says, sounding very concerned.

"No, it's nothing like that." Well, it kind of is. "I found out the day we came here that I might be pregnant."

"Oh my God!" Liv says excitedly. Mike sighs. Liv never knew about my last pregnancy, or the miscarraige.

"I went out this morning and bought a test, but I haven't taken it yet."

"Does your husband know about this?" Mike finally asks.

"Yes. He's at the studio so I'll tell him the results when he gets back tonight."

"Oh my God! You have to take the test!" Liv screams.

"Have you guys even talked about having kids? I mean, you just got married two months ago."

"We haven't really talked about it. I mean, we know in the future that we want some. But, right now it's kind of crazy. We're going to be on tour again soon enough." I say.

"Well, go take the test already!" Liv yells.

I look at the test box and read the directions, walking to the bathroom with phone still in my hand.

"Make sure you get the pee in that little indent thing." Liv says seriously.

"Eww, Liv really?" Mike says and she laughs.

"OK, you two. I'm hanging up now." I say.

"Call when you find out the results."

"OK, love you both."

"Love you." They both say.

"Alright." I say to myself. "One line, not pregnant. Two lines, pregnant. Makes sense to me."

I take the test and sit on the edge of the tub waiting for the results. I twitst my wedding rings on my finger, a nervous habit of mine is messing with my jewelry. I turn my thumb ring, and twist the long end of my rosary around my finger. I check my watch, it's been fourteen minutes.

"Fuck it." I jump up and grab the test off the counter. One line.

"Oh my God." I hang on to the test and plunk back down on the the edge of the tub. I wait around for two more minutes, just to be on the safe side and make sure it's for sure negative.

I go back downstairs and call Liv and Mike with the news, then I call Billie to check on the dogs. I hang around the house kind of moping about the test. I have a million emotions flowing through me about not being pregnant. I wonder if I'm even able to get pregnant, I mean I was off the pill for two days, and it's not like Adam and I stopped having sex in those two days. The guys get home at six, and I have dinner waiting on the table for them. While we're eating, Adam looks at me from across the table while I pour myself a glass of wine. I can tell he has something on his mind.

"So, Babe. Did you do that thing we talked about earlier?" He asks. It kind of catches me off guard. I wasn't expecting him to ask me this in front of the guys, and I've had plenty of time by myself today to get pretty worked up about it.

"Yup." I say and drink the whole glass of wine in one gulp. He gives me a blank stare.

"So, I guess that's my answer?" He says snottily.

"Guess it is." The others are looking at us strangely.

"So, Jack, did you have a good time in the studio today?" I ask him, changing the subject.

"Yeah, it was cool. Adam and I wrote a little."

"Really? That's awes-" I start. Adam scoots his chair back and picks up his plate.

"Excuse me." He says, taking his stuff into the kitchen in a huff. I roll my eyes and continue my conversation with Jack. I can tell that the guys know somethings up with Adam and I, but I just ignore it. Adam comes stomping back into the dining room with his cigarettes in his hand.

"May I ask what the fuck your problem is?" I snap at him. He looks at me like he can't believe I just said that in front of everyone. He keeps walking and goes out to the back porch. I get up and follow him out.

"What the hell is wrong with you? You said that you knew right now wasn't the time to have kids, and that you wouldn't be pissed if the test was negative. So what's the problem?"

"What my fucking problem is, is that five seconds after I ask you if you're pregnant, you bottoms up in a glass of fucking wine." He screams.

"Oh, so now you get to point out how much I drink? You of all people, do not get to judge me."

"You didn't even fucking answer me, Sophie! You just said "Yup" and fucking ignored me."

"You called me out in front of all our friends! What was I supposed to say?"

"You're right. I should have just given you a fucking bottle when I got home, it would have been a lot easier."

"I find it really fucking ironic that you of all people, can justify pointing any little flaw that I have." I scream.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"You know what it fucking means."

"Oh, that's really cool, Sophie."

"Isn't it? Now you know how it feels."

"Fuck you." He spits and flips me off.

"Fuck you." I stomp back into the house and go upstairs to the bedroom. I hear the door open and close downstairs, so I know Adam is back in the house.

I can't believe Adam would fucking act like that. Like I'm a fucking alcoholic or something. A half hour later, I hear a light knock on the bedroom door.

"What?" I snap at the door. It opens and I turn around a see Jack standing there.

"Hi."

"Are you OK?" He asks.

"I'm fine."

"What happened?"

"That's none of your business." He gives me a shocked look.

"Jack, I'm sorry. That was uncalled for." I say.

"No, I shouldn't have asked."

"No, it's fine. I'm just stressed out and I snapped. I'm sorry."

"Are you and Adam OK?"

"We'll be fine. Tell me about your day, you said that you and Adam were writing?"

"Yeah, it was cool."

"Good. I'm so happy for you, honey." He leaves again after a few minutes. I go downstairs and sit by myself in the living room. Everyone else is outside having a bonfire. I'm starting to feel bad about what I said to Adam. I had no right to throw that shit in his face about the drugs, that was a low blow. I stare at the tv without really knowing what's on. I contemplate a glass of wine, but I know that would probably just get me in more trouble.

"Fine, I give." I say out loud to myself, and get up off the couch. I walk over to the sliding glass door to go outside, but before I can open it, Adam slides it open. We stare at each other for a moment. He grabs my arm and pulls me into the house, and up the stairs. When we get to our bedroom, he shuts the door.

"What are you doing?" I ask him. He doesn't say anything.

"Adam, talk to me. Do something, scream, cry, punch something, punch me. Please, just do something! I'm sorry about what I said and what I did."

He's sitting on the edge of the bed and I'm standing in between his legs, waiting for him to say something. I can tell he's been outside drinking with the guys, which I find a little ironic, because isn't that what he got on my case about?

"You've been drinking, I see." I say. He looks up at me and gives me a dirty look.

"Oh, so you're going to get on me about that too? So now I'm not just your husband the drug addict, I'm also and alcoholic." He snaps.

"That wasn't what I was saying. I just think its a little hypocritical of you to get on me for drinking, and then you go outside and get fucking loaded."

"I don't need this from you. I'm fucking out of here." He gets up and grabs one of his unpacked suitcases. Something snaps inside of me, and I become instantly pissed.

"You know what, Adam? I don't give a flying fuck! If that helps you sleep tonight, then fine, leave!"

"I'm halfway gone, babe. Trust me." He slams out the bedroom door and I throw a pillow at it. I hear him slam the front door downstairs. I grab Adam's black zip up hoodie that has the word "Animal" printed across the front in white lettering, and put it on to go out the the fire.

All the guys are sitting around the fire like they don't know about anything that's going on. I plunk down in the chair that must have been Adam's. I light the first cigarette that I've smoked since my Dad told me to quit.

"Well, Adam's gone, and I don't know when or if he's coming back." I say to them.

"What?" Jack says, shocked.

"Yup. I have half a mind just to go back to Peoria, and let you guys finish what you need to do here."

"That's smart." Brad says sarcastically.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do, Brad? It's not right for me to keep the band apart, you're in the middle of recording an album. You need to be together, and he's not going to come back if I'm here." Jack is sitting slumped in his chair staring at the fire, not saying anything.

"Jack, if I go home, will you go with me?" I ask.

"Yeah." He mutters.

"Look, I get it, I'm the bad guy. Whatever."

"You wouldn't even tell me what the fuck happened, so I wouldn't know if you were the bad guy."

"I didn't think everyone in the house needed to know."

"You're right. I'm so unreliable, I probably would have told everyone."

"Hey! Both of you knock it off." Barry says to us loudly.

We all shut up and continue to stare at the fire. At about eleven o' clock, I go to bed. I'm so done with this day. I'm pissed at Adam, I'm a little pissed at Jack, and most of all, I'm pissed at myself. I wish I had never taken that fucking test, everything would have been so different