Heroes...And The Rest Of Us.

About eight months ago, John and I broke up. I came home from work late one night and he accused me of cheating on him, I had car problems that night, but I really was cheating. I confessed to him that I'd been unfaithful, and he went crazy on me. Can you blame him? We had been perfect, and I was a slut.

I went to some scummy bar that I'd never been to before, where no one knew me and got drunk. On a different level of drunk than ever before. I sat there for hours and decided that without John, my life wasn't worth living anymore. It was the one and only time I've ever been suicidal in my life. I knew exactly how I was going down. I would get in my car and drive as fast as I could headfirst into a tree. Quick, simple, no way I would survive. For some reason that I don't remember, I called Adam. He told me to wait for him, that he was on his way to the bar. I don't remember what he said to keep me there, because in that state of mind, I can't imagine that I listened when he said 'stay'. When he got there, he convinced me not to end it all, He saved me life that night. No one knows that story except for Adam and I. He told me he wrote a song about it, but I never asked to listen to it. We never talked about that night again.

Three weeks ago, Adam told me that he was leaving on tour the next day for three months. His band was opening for Shaun's in a big arena tour. His manager had only told him about it that morning. He came over to that night, we had dinner, sex and on his way out the door, he told me that he loved me. I haven't heard a word from him since. Af first I figured he was busy, getting adjusted to touring again. Then as the time went on, I started to think the worst. One night I woke up and thought I could see Adam fucking some girl on the bed next to me, I couldn't sleep after that. I don't know what to feel right now. Anger, theres alot of that. Sadness, lots of that too. Happiness that I didn't tell him that I loved him before he broke my heart.

I'm working tonight, bartending with Sully. It's been pretty busy in here. Mike and his friend, Tripp are here, so that's been keeping me on my toes. It's about eleven o' clock when a phone call comes in for me. I'm not hopeful that it's Adam, but I still run to answer it.

"Hello"

"Hey, it's Neil" I've talked to Neil, probably three times since our little incident two months ago. He called me after Adam talked to him about things and apologized for being a dick. Were on pretty OK terms, but we don't call each other, or talk regularly.

"Oh, hi"

"Your cell was off, so I figured you were working"

"Yeah, I am"

"I don't want to keep you, so I'll get right to the point"

I sigh, "Ok"

"Adam's in trouble, he's been high nonstop for two and a half weeks. I don't know what he's on, but it's pretty serious...I don't know what to do, I need your help. I need you to come down here"

I'm stunned, I don't know what to say, but all of my emotions are flooding around me.

"Are you aware that I haven't spoken to Adam since he left?"

"No, I didn't know that"

"The last time I saw him, he slept with me, told me that he loved me, and he hasn't had the balls to call me since"

"I'm sorry, but if he's been fucked up this whole time..."

"Do you know what's been going through my head while he's been 'fucked up'?"

"I'm sorry, but I think you're the only one who can help him right now" He says.

"What do you want me to do exactly? Show up and act like I don't mind that he fucked me over?"

"Were playing in Chicago tomorrow night, thats only an hour drive for you, I'll pay for your gas, I can try to get you a ticket for the show-"

"I don't want one, I'm not totally sure I'm coming yet" I interupt.

"I just think that seeing you, talking to you, would help him. He hasn't been on a tour like this since he's been clean"

"You know, everytime you guys are on tour, I'm not dropping everything to come out there, because he couldn't handle it" I say.

"I know"

"I'll come this time"

"Thank you so much, I'll figure everything out-"

"No, I have to trade shifts with someone for tomorrow, I'll call you back and you can tell me where to go" I interupt again.

"Ok, do you have my number?"

He gives me his cell phone number and I hang up.

"Hey Sully, can I trade with you tomorrow?"

"Uh, yeah I guess. Whats up?"

"I just...need to go to Chicago tomorrow night and I can't work" I say quietly so Mike dosen't hear.

"Thats fine"

"Thank you Sully, you rock" I call Neil back and plan on meeting him in the arena parking lot at ten thirty. I have a knot in my stomach the size of Texas. I don't know what to expect, I've never seen Adam high. I don't know what he's like. The next twenty four hours are going to be hell.

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The next night, I'm dressed, in my truck in downtown Chicago to the arena. I've been here several times to go to concerts, so I'm pretty familiar with everything. Neil instructed me to park in general admission and text him when I get there, which I do. I sit in my truck in silence, watching people walk out of the front doors. It's twenty after ten, I see Neil walking towards my truck with something in his hand. I unlock my car door for him, he hoists himself up and sits in the passenger seat.

"Fucking cold out there" He says. I agree, I'm glad I wore jeans and a fitted hoodie. I have a white bandanna in my short hair, do-rag style. He leans over and puts what almost looks like a handicap sticker on my rear-view mirror.

"What's that?" I ask.

"So that security lets you park over by the busses"

"Is that where were going?"

"Yeah" He points towards the back of the arena. I start my truck and drive to where he pointed.

"When we drive by the guard, wave and act like you own the place" He says.

"OK" I fake smile and wave at the guard, and drive confidently past.

"Good, now park over there" He points to where there are about six cars parked behind the busses. I do and we get out, lock my truck doors and walk towards the building. On our way to the backdoor two people walk around the corner towards us. Neil puts his arm around my shoulders and pulls me to him, putting his head down close to mine. When we get past the people he lets go of me and we keep walking.

"I know he's going to find out that I called you out here, but I'd prefer that we get in the building first" I nod.

He holds the door open for me and I walk in. Were in a hallway. I can hear music and people talking.

"Where is he?" I ask.

"Party in the dressing room, theres been one almost everynight"

"Oh"

"I'll show you where to go, and let you walk in by yourself, just in case"

"Ok"

He turns us down another hallway and points at an open door.

"Go in there, second door on the left. Theres a sign on the wall next to the door with band names on it. There should be people outside the door too, It's pretty packed it there, but they'll let you in. If not, tell them you're with the band, they love that"

"Ok" I walk down the hallway to the door Neil told me about. There are two security guards standing on either side of the door. Without any questions, they let me in. Neil was right, the place is packed. I spot Shaun talking to some people, music is blaring so loud I can't hear anything, but my heart is beating ten thousand beats a minute. I push by some people, keeping an eye out for Adam. I feel someone tap on my shoulder a couple minutes later and almost scream out loud. I turn around and see Barry.

"Holy Shit! you scared me!" I yell to him, he smiles and hands a glass of beer. He points off somewhere behind me. I look and see Adam talking some girls across the room. I continue to stand there and just watch him from a distance. Barry leaves me standing there, I watch him leave. I look back to Adam, he's wearing a black henley, jeans with the same black ball cap he wore to my house so many weeks ago. Other than that, he looks awful. I've never seen his eyes look like that before. Something in another corner of the room catches my eye for a moment and when I look back, he's staring right at me. I feel like I'm going to explode. He walks throught the middle of the girls he was talking to and continues walking right towards me. I drop my beer on the floor. He walks up to me fast without a word, putting his arms around me, lifting me up off the ground, hugging me tight. I put my arms around his neck. We don't say a word, just hug for what seems like an eternity. He puts me back on the ground.

"We have to go somewhere and talk" I say.

"Yes we do"

We walk out of the party, out of the building, holding hands. We walk to one of the busses, he locks the door behind us. We sit on the small couch facing each other. He leans over and kisses me very passionatly.

"Did you get to see the show?" He asks.

"No, I just came to see you"

"I can't believe you're here" Right then it sinks in for both of us that we haven't spoken in three weeks.

"Adam, whats going on with you? I know somethings not right"

"I'm fine" He says, looking down. I reach out and touch him under his chin, forcing him to look at me.

"What did you take, baby?" I asks.

"Nothing" He says, shaking his head so I'm not touching him anymore. I grab his left wrist and hold his arm out so I can see his forearm.

"What are you doing?" He asks.

"Looking for track marks" He yanks his arm away.

"You won't find any"

"Then dammit, Adam, tell what you are on!" I yell.

"Nothing, I told you I'm fine!"

"You've never lied to me before" I say softly.

"I'm not lying"

"Don't play me for a fool, Adam!" I yell "Why else would you just not call for three weeks? Do you know how that made me feel!?!"

"I'm sorry"

"Fuck sorry! I'm over sorry at this point, just tell me whats wrong with you so we can fix it and I can have you back again"

He reaches in his jeans pocket and pulls out a pill bottle, handing it to me. I look at it, theres no label, just four pills in the bottom of it. I open it and put the pills in my hand, looking at them.

"What are they?" I ask.

"OxyContin, basically a synthetic type of heroin"

"How many did you take?"

"We'll just say that if you took as many as I did, you'd be dead, the first time"

"Oh my God, Adam" I put the pills back in the bottle and shut it. My hands are shaking. He reaches out to take it from me, but I jerk my hand away from him.

"Come on Sophie, I need those" I look at him, shocked.

"What?"

"I need those pills" I get up off the couch and run out of the bus. He follows me as I take off across the parking lot at a dead run.

"Sophie! Come back here!" He yells, running after me.

I hit the arena door, running inside. I saw a public restroom when I came in with Neil, I go there. I can still hear Adam yelling at me. I go in the womens door, forcing him to stop at the door. I lock myself in one of the stalls. I open the pills and toss the them in the toilet, flushing them down. I walk back out to where Adam is standing right outside the door. I throw the bottle at him, hitting him square in the chest.

"It's over" I say.

"Sophie, do you know what you did? I needed those" I slap him across the face. He puts his hand over his cheek. I can see that he's starting to come down, his forehead is sweating.

"Come on" I say, taking his arm, leading hib back outside. His body feels hot, but he's shaking.

We get back to the bus and he lays down on the couch we were sitting on earlier. I grab a washcloth and pour cold water out of a bottle on it. I place it on his forehead, keeping my hand on it. He scratches his arms, his eyes are unfocused, wandering everywhere. He puts both of his hands on his forehead, pushing the washcloth away from him. He rolls into a fetal position, facing away from me. My cell is ringing in a text, I grab it, it's Neil.

"Where R U guys?"

"Bus, don't come here!" I shut my phone and shove it in my back pocket.

"Sophie?" Adam says.

"I'm here baby"

"I'm fucking freezing" I put my arms around him, sinking to my knees on the floor next to him.

"Do you want to get in your bunk?" I ask. He nods.

I get him up and steer him towards the bunk with his nametag on it. I pull back the curtain and he crawls in, pulling the sheet and the thin blanket up to his chin. I stand there and stroke his forehead. He is still shivering and sweating, his eyes are still unfocused. I move away from him a little.

"Don't leave me!" He says, grabbing my arm.

"I'm going to my car to get another blanket, Ok? I'll be right back" He shakes his head up and down. I run outside to get the blanket. All of Adam's bandmates are there and two other people I don't recognize.

"How's he doing?" Neil asks.

"He's going through withdrawls bad, I say, still moving towards my car. I retreive the blanket that I keep in my truck for emergencies, and walk back in the bus to the bunk. Adam's laying in a fetal position again. I wrap the blanket around him.

"Hey, that's better isn't it?" I say, trying to force a smile. His eyes are a little more focused. He looks at me and nods.

"I feel so helpless" He says, very shakily. I put my arms around him.

"It's gonna be OK, we'll get through this together. I'm not going anywhere" He moves the blanket back and moves over in the bunk. I take this as a sign he wants me in there with him, so I hop in with all my clothes and shoes on. I rub my hands up and down him arms, hoping to encourage warmth.

"Remember when, John and I broke up and I wanted to die? And you saved my life?" He nods, still shivering. "Well, now it's my turn to save you" I say.

"You shouldn't have to save me! I'm the biggest fuck up, I don't deserve to live"

"Shh, stop that" I pull his head down and hold it agaisnt my chest while he cries. For the rest of the night I lay with him, listening to him cry, talk to God, talk to me. He falls asleep at probably three in the morning an dosen't wake up until nine the next morning. I don't sleep at all. When he wakes up I smile at him.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" I ask.

"I hurt everywhere, but I'm not cold anymore"

"Good" He holds me close to his body.

"I love you" I tell him for the first time ever.

"God, I love you, more than anything. I'm sorry I hurt you"

"Shh, don't worry about that now"

"That made the last time feel easy" He says.

"Last time?"

"Withdrawls"

"Oh"

"Did you get any sleep?"

I shake my head "Do you have someone you can talk to out here?"

"You"

"I meant like a counselor or something"

"I haven't called my counselor in a year, that's the last thing I want to do"

"Do you want an asprin or something?" He laughs a little.

"I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all, I wrote that song in rehab, I don't want it to go away yet"

"The pain?"

"Yeah" He pauses "Where are the guys?"

"I don't know"

"Were you telling the truth? That you love me?"

"Yes, I love you. I knew it as soon as I say you at the party"

"Can you stay for the show tonight?"

"Yes"

"Good"

That night, I stand side stage and watch Adam sing.

"This song, I wrote about someone very special to me, who was ready to give up...and didn't. This song's called Never Too Late" He says to the crowd.

When it's over, I cry. He see's me and walks off stage to me.

"I love you" He says.

"I love you too, now get back onstage"