Loss

Ana Prent knew that there wasn’t much time before Greg’s lungs gave out.

But for some reason, there was a pulling force that made her refuse to believe at least even half of the truth. When the doctors came in yesterday and announced that – her beloved – Greg would have a week at the most, Ana came out with a startling decision. She wouldn’t believe a singe of it unless his heart stopped beating. And if it ever came to that, she will be right beside him to witness his every single breath.

The room felt absolutely cold and dark for the summer. Beside Ana was Greg: her beloved bestfriend. Attached to him was a huge ventilator, a machine that continuously pumped air and controlled his every single breath. Ever since Greg’s parents decided to opt for the odd contraption, Ana was contained with mixed feelings. Odd and reclusive emotions that made her head spin every time she exited the room.

What if an electrical blackout occurred inside the hospital? She often thought. What will happen to Greg then? or What if it accidentally broke? Every single day was a prison for her as she spent most of the time worrying about his condition. It was like she was obsessed, calling the hospital every chance she got. Most of the nurses already know her name because of that.

It was obvious how strong her emotions were for the boy. She simply wasn’t ready to let go anytime soon.

The months since Greg was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s Disease were surely tough. And even though they’ve gotten this far, Ana still wasn’t ready to say her farewells. She hasn’t accepted the tough truth that her bestfriend (and supposed boyfriend) was about to go to a journey faraway. She persistently believes that her goodbyes can’t be contained to a mere seven days.

A week was still too short.

Suddenly, a small creak signaled the opening of the rusty metal door. Greg’s mother, Mrs. Haffledome, came in with the same face and disposition she carried every single day. It was a mix of both hope and despair, an odd concoction for Ana. She was puzzled on how a mother could possibly feel even a bit of desperation for her own child.

Shouldn’t a mother have the highest hope of all? Ana blatantly kept her thought inside.

Mrs. Haffledome walked closer, adjusting her glasses. “Ana, is that you?” She greeted, her voice sounded both inept and slow. “What are you doing here this early?” Greg’s mother asked as she placed a basketful of fresh fruits on the small corner table beside his. Even she was hoping to see her son alive and well as he ate the fruits. “Have you eaten breakfast?” She offered Ana a bright red apple.

“Auntie,” Ana said in a polite tone, slightly shrugging. She wasn’t sure of what to feel anymore. “Greg’s doing just fine.” She forced a smile: one which she believed was very painful to give in any given situation. “I could just feel it. He’s going to be better.” Ana announced with such optimism.

She fully believes that all will be well once Greg opens his eyes.

“Yes,” Mrs. Haffledome’s voice slightly trembles as the effect of Ana’s announcement. “He’ll be well very soon.” She intimately felt the tenderness of Ana’s words. Ever since she saw the two met in Kindergarten, Mrs. Haffledome already knew that these two would have a special bond.

She wishes that the two should be given a chance to spend more time together – somewhere far from the hospital, far from any terminal disease.

***

A long time passed since each spoke a single word. Ana felt that there were never any appropriate words for someone dying though she was experiencing it right in front of her. She believed that there was no such thing as condolence. They were only words that meant sadness one way or another in a matter of letters.

The cold air-condition surrounded the room. From practical exhaustion, Ana passed out on the chair beside Greg. Her body clung tightly on her thick jacket as she loomed in sleep for a couple of hours. In a way, she had just joined her bestfriend. But, of course, she knew better than that. She always did.

“Na,”

She closed her eyes even tighter, trying to get back to her dreamland.

“An-a,”

Ana opened her eyes to see whoever was calling out to her and saw Greg’s eyes slightly opened. At first she couldn’t believe it. In fact, she thought that she was still asleep. After she jolted from her seat, she immediately scurried towards Greg with her eyes immediately tearing up. This was the moment she was waiting for.

For Ana, this was a sign that he was alive.

“Greg?” She said towards the frail blue-eyed boy. “Greg,” Ana tried to piece out the right words as she held on to the boy’s cold and feeble hand. “I,” She couldn’t handle her excitement. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

It took Greg a moment to respond.

The boy’s eyes began to tear-up.

“Greg?” Ana leaned in closer to see what was wrong with him. From her view, she could see that his eyes have sunken even deeper and skin seem to have been more translucent with a lot of bluish veins appearing everywhere. “Wha-what’s wrong?” She asked, nearly trembling. “Did I say something stupid again?”

“S,” “or,” “ry,” Greg tried, taking deep breaths as he pronounced each word.

The ill boy began to cry even harder.

Ana closed her eyes. It was hard for her to see the person she’s been with for almost eternity suffering. The boy ceased crying, but she continued to pretend that she was alright. She knew that she couldn’t be weak at this moment. It wasn’t allowed. ‘Ana was always the one to be comforted.’ She suddenly remembered.

It was never the other way around.

“Go,” He said. “Cry,”

Ana bit her lip, trying to comprehend.

“Go,”

So she did.

Ana cried a long time. She cried for a lot of things.

She cried for her parents who had to put up with her for all this months. She cried for her younger brother whom she couldn’t pick-up and had to take the bus daily because she always had to go directly to the hospital. She cried for herself because she let her grades slip and energy drain. She cried for Greg whom she loved dearly but never said so.

But most of all, she cried at that very moment for her loss.