Lonely Waves

“Lindsey’s here to pick me up so I can go to her house. I’ll be back sometime tomorrow, okay?” Rory called out to her father, the lie rolling off her tongue easily. Every month she and her boyfriend snuck off, and she always used Lindsey, her best friend, as the lie.

“Okay, be safe. Call if you need anything,” he hollered back.

The brunette nodded even though her father couldn’t see her and quickly escaped out the front door. She hurried out to the black car idling in her drive way and hopped in. She leaned over the seat and gave the driver a quick kiss. “Ready Mr. Flyzik?” she asked him.

He smiled as he slid the car into reverse and backed out of her suburban driveway and drove down the street, the houses passing by not much different from her own. “You have no idea,” Matt said finally as they drove through the Baltimore suburb.

“Where to today?” she asked him absentmindedly as she changed the radio from FM over to the CD player. Soon, the mix she had made for him started playing through the speakers. She smiled at the old songs, the songs she had put on a CD for him several years ago. “This mix is such shit,” she laughed. “Why do you still keep it?”

He shrugged. “It makes me think of you.”

She smiled and looked out the window, blushing. She watched the bright blue sky pass them by as they drove east. “Seriously, where are we going?”

“The beach,” he said.

“Seriously?”

He nodded. She was speechless. She hadn’t been to the beach in ten years at the very least. It was somewhere her and her father never mentioned. They didn’t vacation there anymore, they didn’t visit, they just, plain and simple, never went. Of course, Rory knew why. It was the scene of the accident. Not this exact beach where she and Matt were now headed of course, but beaches in general were kind of forbidden these days. “Matt, you know it’s been over a decade since I’ve last been to a beach right?”

He nodded again. “I know it’s not by your own decision though. You’d live on a beach if it didn’t drag along the emotional baggage that it currently does. The emotional baggage, might I add, that you refuse to tell me about.”

That was all it took for Rory to be as quiet as a clam. No one knew why she didn’t go to the beach anymore. Her close friends could guess; they saw the headlines. They weren’t stupid. But no one else bothered to find out. They could tell it was just one of those things you didn’t ask about. “I don’t know if I can go.”

“Yes you can, and you will. Look Ror, I love you but I feel like there’s this barrier between us. I think there’s something you aren’t telling me.”

That’s because there is, she thought silently to herself. She didn’t say anything more to Matt and instead they just drove.

***

It was a cool October evening in Baltimore, but that was okay with Rory. She preferred fall weather. The leaves changing color, the warm apple cider, the football… it was all the best in her eyes. The beach was never one of them necessarily. At least not in the fall. “Come on,” Matt said as the two of them climbed out of the car and made their way down towards the water, Kylie’s steps slower and more tentative and Matt’s quicker and more eager. He grabbed her hand and dragged her with him.

She dug her heels in the sand and stopped. She stared out at the water. Memories flooded her brain at a rapid speed. She shook her head slightly, trying to rid of that terrible day, but nothing helped. She collapsed into the sand and brought her jean clad knees up to her chest. She wrapped the purple Raven’s hoodie closer around her body and shivered. Soon she was shaking. She didn’t hear Matt come up to her and ask if she was alright. All she could hear was the sound of the ocean, the splashing and screaming of someone needing a helping hand, and later on, the ambulance that arrived.

She couldn’t take all the details that flooded her brain. She shook her head while tears suddenly appeared and threatened to spill over. “Rory? Rory, what’s wrong?” Soon she could hear Matt again. She was taken away from the memories and brought back to reality. She felt his arm wrap around her shoulder and hold her close. He was trying to comfort her, but until he knew what was wrong there was nothing he could do.

Suddenly, she started to speak. She had to tell him the story. “I was eight when it happened. It was a hot summer day and the sky was as clear as a bell. I remember getting to the beach and running out of the car, not stopping until my lower half of my body was immersed in the cold salt water. I remember my mom yelling after me, telling me to be careful. I ignored her because I was, after all, eight years old. I thought I knew it all.” She shook her head in disappointment. “I was so stupid, though. I had no idea what a rip current was. I was only eight, and all I wanted to do was build a sandcastle and swim in the ocean. Rip currents were the least of my worries. I didn’t even really know what a rip current was back then; how was I supposed to be afraid of it?” she asked rhetorically.

She paused to take a breath and then continued. “I swam out far into the ocean being the reckless little eight year old that I was. I didn’t think anything or anyone could hurt me, until I started to get pulled under. After that, everything’s kind of a blur. I got pulled under and I heard a scream. I think it was my mother. She swam out to help me, not even bothering with getting a lifeguard or something first. She could hardly swim her self, so I have no idea what possessed her to swim out to me. Of course, the lifeguards saw us, but it was too late. She had them help me first because I had already gotten a ton of water in my lungs. They tried to help us both, but she refused to go with us. They went back out almost immediately to save her, but it was too late.

She had gotten sucked under and couldn’t find her way back up, I assume. Her foot got tangled in some seaweed and a piece of garbage or something, and it was like a brick was attached to her foot. She was done for after that.”

She tried to breathe while she told the story, but it was difficult. Remembering that day in such detail was very painful, even twelve years later. Matt rubbed her arm, a signal that he was still there and wasn’t going anywhere. She gave him a weak smile and continued. “I can still hear the ambulance driving up to the beach, trying to save her. I remember the lifeguard who kept trying to give her mouth to mouth. But it was too late. She was gone.” Rory choked on a sob and Matt pulled her close. She cried into his shoulder for awhile, until she had nothing left to cry.

She didn’t say anything, just stared out at the ocean. Matt spoke up. “I’m so sorry, Rory. I had no idea. I mean, I had an idea that you had lost someone, but I didn’t know you witnessed it or…” he trailed off. He knew she had gotten his point. He had no idea how much it hurt her to be near the ocean.

“Come on,” he said, grabbing her hand. “We can get out of here. This was clearly a bad idea.” He tried grabbing her hand and pulling her up with him but she refused.

“No. It wasn’t a bad idea.” She stood finally and hugged him tightly. She murmured into his black hoodie, “I don’t think you realize how badly I needed to let that all out. I don’t think I realized how badly I needed this.”

The two separated and stood there standing, just staring at each other. “I have an idea,” Matt said suddenly and then ran to his car. He bent over through the passenger door and dug around for a few minutes. Rory crossed her arms in front of her and hugged herself. Soon Matt was running back over to her with a few objects in his hands.

“What do you have?” she asked curiously.

He handed over a white napkin and a pen. “Write down something you want to tell your mom. It can be something you’ve wanted to tell her ever since that day, or something that just happened.” Rory gave him a worried look. “Don’t worry, you can do it.”

She nodded uneasily and took the napkin in her hands. She started to write, her hand flying over the makeshift piece of paper almost as fast as it had been given to her. It took her no time at all to finish writing. She kept the napkin turned over as she looked up at Matt. “Now what?”

He handed over the next object. “Now shove the napkin in here.”

She looked at him funny as she took the small plastic Coke bottle in her hand. She stuffed the napkin inside and twisted the cap back onto the object. “Matt, what was the point of this?”

“Come on,” he said as he pulled her gently by the hand towards the waters edge. “Now, throw it as hard as you possibly can out towards the ocean.”

“Why?”

He shrugged. “You need closure. I don’t know if this will do it, but I personally think it’s a step in the right direction.” He smiled and rubbed her forearm. “I did this when I was little and my grandpa died. It helped me a little bit. I felt better knowing that piece of paper was out in the ocean, where, at the time, I thought he could read it. Now I know you know your mom can’t technically read this, but hey maybe she can.”

Rory laughed through the tears streaming down her face. She closed her eyes and turned towards the water and threw the bottle as far as she possibly could. She opened her eyes quickly after she had released and saw the bottle sailing towards the ocean. She smiled. Turning towards her boyfriend, she hugged him tightly. “Has anyone ever told you how thoughtful you are?”

He laughed lightly and kissed the top of her head. “Don’t thank me, Rory. If it makes you feel any better, that’s all I need.”

She hugged him tighter and for a little while longer, and then pulled back. “It didn’t completely fix it, but I think it was a step in the right direction.”

Matt leaned down and kissed her on the lips this time. “Good.”

“Come on,” she said, running back towards the car. “I’ll race you to the car.”

Matt laughed and chased her, tackling her to the cold sand. The two kissed and then got back up. The walked lazily back towards the car. When they reached the black Nissan, Rory paused to face the ocean again. She smiled and whispered, “I love you mom,” her voice getting carried away with the wind as she climbed into the vehicle.

As she and Matt drove away, the pop bottle out in the ocean had spontaneously broken open. The water filled up the bottle slowly as the words on the napkin started to smear and desinigrate. The napkin that had once read, I love you, I’ll never forget you, but please come back home. I need you like this ocean needs it’s waves, was now only a memory. A memory of closure, and a memory that reminded Rory that maybe, just maybe, she’d be okay.