Addicted to Plush Brian Haner JR

I had started packing for Big Bear. Its only a day away. Thank goodness. Fresh air. Not beach air. Woodsy air. Don't get me wrong there is nothing better than my fresh beach air. I just haven't gone to Big Bear in so long. Smiling at old memories another shirt stuffed into the old bag. Then I came to a stop. Packing reminded me of being on the road. I cringed and conintued.

Zacky: what's the face for dude.

I jumped a little and looked over my shoulder.

Brian: what the fuck?

He laughed.

Brian: how did you?

Zacky: the front door was unlocked.

Brian: and you just invited yourself in?

Zacky: yes.

Brian: you shouldn't do that.

Zacky: what are you hiding?

Brian: why would I hide anything?

Zacky: I don't know.

Brian: well you can't stay I've got to be somewhere.

Zacky: lunch girl?

Brian: yes.

Zacky: do I know lunch girl?

I looked at him.

Brian: maybe.

He perked a brow and shrugged.

Zacky: dude what's up with your cousin?

Brian: what do you mean?

Zacky: I went to visit her and she looked like shit.

I frowned.

Brian: I don't know. There's something she isn't telling me.

Zacky: and James was no where to be found.

I nodded.

Brian: look Zack I'm about to leave.

Zacky: and?

Brian: whatever when you're done here lock my door. I don't need more rats coming in.

He rolled his eyes. I left and made my way to our now typical spot. Some small little diner. She was already waiting for me.

Jenn: you're late.

She teased.

Brian: sorry Zacky showed up.

Jenn: you should have brought him with you.

My arms wrapped around her. She always smelled so perfect. If I didn't know me and could hear my thoughts. I'd call myself a stalker. Or some weird obsessed pervert.

Jenn: guess what?

Brian: Jacoby called?

Jenn: yeah he said hello.

Brian: you told him we were having lunch.

Jenn: yes...

She made a face.

Jenn: I always tell him about my day. Are you excited to go to Big Bear?

Brian: yeah.

Jenn: I ordered for us. Hope you don't mind.

Brian: not at all. You know what I like.

She smiled.

Jenn: I do. So is your cousin going to Big Bear?

Brian: she is. Which is cool. She hasn't been up in so long.

Jenn: I'd like to meet her. She sounds awesome.

Brian: she's a bit crazy...usually.

A frown made its way on both our faces.

Jenn: she alright?

Brian: its like I've said she's acting strange.

She nodded.

Jenn: well as your back bone, her I mean, you should see if she needs you.

Brian: back bone?

Jenn: when you talk about her it sounds like you two are close. Or used to be. And she's always there for you.

Brian: yeah. I'll have to talk to her when we get to Big Bear. What about your friend? How are things with her?

Jenn: oh she's...

She sighed a shook her head.

Jenn: its sad to see her suffer the way she does. But she's so strong and they don't have kids so its not as hard.

Brian: must be rough.

Jenn: hell yes.

Brian: let's change subjects. Its bringing me down.

Our food came. We ate and talked. Random things. It didn't matter with her. She was so perfect to listen to. As always though our goodtime comes to an end to soon. For me anyways.

Jenn: let me pay please.

Brian: what kind of guy would I be if I let a lovely lady pay?

Jenn: a friend.

Brian: a dick is more like it.

She laughed.

Jenn: you never let me pay.

Brian: point?

Jenn: its annoying.

Brian: why?

Jenn: its a little weird. Its like we're dating or something.

Brian: that's crazy.

Sort of. I smiled inwardly.

Jenn: I know but whatever. Let me pay just this once.

Brian: I am a gentleman, of sorts, and I will not let you pay.

Gentleman? Yeah right. I'm trying to take her right from her husband. Which isn't a fair fight because he isn't even here. Then again they are married, that's his advantage.

Jenn: you are so full of crap Mr. Gates. You'll do and say anything to make a girl happy.

Brian: only the beautiful ones.

Jenn: I bet you say that all the time too.

She narrowed her eyes playfully.

Brian: only when the man is out at play.

I smirked. The seriousness in my remark was sensed. Her facial expression told me so.

Jenn: let me pay...my half atleast.

Brian: I can't.

She dug in her wallet and put down a twenty.

Jenn: I better get going. Can't be late.

Brian: no.

I tried to give her twenty back.

Jenn: no. For my half.

Brian: its to much.

Jenn: use the rest for a tip.

Brian: I'm not letting you pay a cent.

Jenn: why?

Brian: you shouldn't have to pay for anything.

Jenn: ok?

I shook my head.

Brian: if you're my friend like you say you'll always let me pay for you.

Jenn: that's not fair.

I shrugged and kept my smirk.

Jenn: whatever...I'll get you one day Brian Haner.

Brian: no you won't.

More like I will get you one day. Her arms were a bit hesitant this time. She didn't get as close as before when she hugged.

Jenn: yes I will.

When she pulled away I held her hand for a moment. Just a moment. Long enough for me to pull her back. Our lips met. Briefly. A gasp escaped her mouth when she pushed me away. Those blue eyes that held me captive judged me. Every fiber, every word I'd said, and every touch.

Jenn: I-I don't think we should...anymore.

Brian: Je-

Jenn: no. Don't say a word. Not one.

She held a hand up.

Jenn: I ignored somethings...I can't. We can't do this anymore. I was trying to be a friend. That's it. I ignored things because I was trying to be a nice person, a Friend. I'm married...

She walked off without another word. At home I sat infront of the water. It wasn't in the best of moods. The crashing waves looked like what I felt inside. Battling myself. Replaying it. The moment our lips touched.

Brian: call her. I've called her and she is not going to answer. No matter how many messages I leave she is not going to answer or call back. She's going to tell him. Good he deserves to know how shitty of a friend I am.

I laid back and let the music of the waves drown out all other sound.

Brian: you are a pathetic man. You crossed the line.

Disgusted with myself.

Brian: you loved it. I know...the guilt should over power the giddyness I feel. But it doesn't. And it won't. That's ok. I can live with being the shitty friend for that moment.

Waves crashed against the shore. Droplets fell on my bare feet ever so often. Where is my ever faithful companion. Without sitting up I lit myself a smoke. I'd be dead without them. I took slow drags. Taking my time with each one. Just so I could fully ingest what I'd done. Its not that bad. Its not bad at all. Afterall I didn't sleep with her. The smoke filled my lungs and relaxed me. Addiction. How I love it will never leave me.

Brian: fuck I can't wait for tomorrow.

My back felt damp from the wet sand. Getting sick seems like a good excuse to hide from the world. The mountains work just as well.