Addicted to Plush Brian Haner JR

I sat alone. Staring down my phone. Just me and the phone. Damn thing. Its haunting me. Mocking me. Call her? No. That's asinine. My eyes narrowed at the stupid cell phone. Stupid fancy gadget that linked me to her. She's all I'm thinking about. Never mind all that's been going on. I can't get her out of my head. Her eyes. Her smile. The perfect way she always smells. The way she told me we can't see each other. It was all innocent. Until I made a move.

Melly: you can glare at the phone all you want but nothing is going to happen.

I looked up. She looked tired. Not like she needed sleep. A different tired.

Brian: I can't call her.

Melly: why not?

I sighed.

Melly: you can't hold back if you want a change Brian. You've got to deal with issues that come up.

Brian: its not that easy.

Melly: do you think its all flowers and bunnies? No.

I raised a brow and shook my head.

Brian: I kissed her.

Melly: and?

Brian: she didn't like that so much.

Melly: you can't rush shit. Its a woman we're talking about not a groupie slut. She isn't a groupie slut right?

Brian: far from it.

She smiled.

Melly: don't ever settle Brian. If you want her that is. Don't settle. Don't little issues hold you back.

Its not the little issues. Its the big overall issue of her being married.

Melly: you deserve the woman you want.

She said firmly but not harshly.

Melly: so call her.

She patted my knee before leaving my side.

Brian: listen to your cousin. My cousin doesn't have the full story. You left out a little detail, so what. Not little, big, big detail. Whatever. She said you deserve the woman you want. She did. Its true. It is.

I picked up my phone and dialed Jenn's number. It rang and rang. I'd no hope for her to answer my call. Ever. Its stupid really. It was just a dumb kiss. A kiss that didn't last even thirty seconds.

Jenn: you can't keep calling me.

I didn't expect that.

Brian: you answered.

Jenn: you can't keep calling me. I've got important clients that need to reach me. Its hard for me to want to answer if you keep calling.

That voice.

Brian: forgive me for trying to apologize. I can't stop thinking about it. I feel like a horrible friend. It shouldn't have happened. I just couldn't help it.

Jenn: I don't want to hear your excuses. It was not right. I'm married.

Brian: I know. But it didn't mean anything. It just happened.

Jenn: stop.

Brian: please...

How unbecoming of me to beg.

Brian: it was a spur of the moment thing.

Jenn: just stop calling so much.

She hung up. I glared at my phone again. I needed my beach. A cigarette will help in the mean time. I went outside and lit up a smoke. The poison filled my lungs and I relaxed. I'd get her back. Not that she is mine. I'll get her though. I'll bet he doesn't see her the way I do. The perfection she is. Anything and everything. He can't. I probley call her more than he does. I'd want her to come with me every time I go on tour. I wouldn't argue with her. How could you argue with her? She's so calm. I needed to make another call.

Zacky: Gates.

Brian: V.

Zacky: can I bum one?

I held my pack to him.

Brian: I thought you had enough.

Zacky: I do. I'm just lazy.

Brian: you can't reach in your pocket?

Zacky: nope. Plus they taste better when they aren't your own.

He grinned. His body language felt uneasy.

Brian: what's wrong?

Zacky: I don't know.

His green eyes scanned everyone.

Zacky: I'm worried.

Brian: about what?

Zacky: Melly. James. You.

Brian: me?

Zacky: you are too quiet.

Brian: its a quiet place.

Zacky: you always zone out.

Brian: I can think out here.

Zacky: you talk to yourself.

Brian: a lot of people do that. You listen to me?

Zacky: no I only hear it. I don't listen. Its not my business.

Brian: exactly not your business.

Zacky: I'm just...are you ok?

What was my answer? Fine? Just like everyone else. Fine. I've got a married woman on my mind. My cousin is not talking. And my friends...well some act strange.

Brian: there's just a lot of shit going on.

Zacky: you always glare at James. I'd tone it down.

Brian: I do?

Zacky: yes.

Brian: huh.

Zacky: he isn't on my good side either.

Brian: you don't have a good side.

Zacky: very funny. He's pissing me off.

Brian: here I thought I was the only one who found him irritating.

Zacky: no. He hasn't done anything. I just feel annoyed.

Brian: same.

Zacky: you shouldn't talk to yourself if you don't want other people to hear.

Brian: I thought you said-

Zacky: I don't. Someone else might.

Brian: like who?

Zacky: I'm just saying.

He shrugged.

Zacky: I don't care. There are somethings a man can only talk with himself about.

Brian: I'm not hiding anything if that's what you're hinting at.

Zacky: not at all. I'm not sure why you always say that to me. If you're not hiding anything stop acting like you are. Weird-o.

Brian: I do not always say I'm not hiding anything.

Zacky: sure feels like you do. Its what I remember best from most the times we talk lately. That and some other weird shit.

Brian: weird shit?

Zacky: random shit.

Brian: oh...

Zacky: and that.

Brian: what?

Zacky: defensive just like James and Melly.

Brian: I'm not like that.

Zacky: you don't see it. Just like they don't. But you are.

He walked away. Fuck this weekend. I'm not doing anything positive. Nothing.

James: what's up man?

Brian: not much. You?

James: about to go for a walk with Melly. Care to join?

Brian: naw. I'd rather not be a third wheel.

James: you never are. Not with her.

Brian: I don't want to see you two being all lovey dovey.

He chuckled a bit.

James: there won't be any of that.

Brian: yeah you always say that. I'd rather not see nasty stuff. My virgin eyes would be tainted.

James: we wouldn't want that.

He said with a sigh.

Brian: yesterday.

James: just a little disagreement. You know married life.

Brian: I don't actually.

James: its full of petty little arguments.

Melly: you ready?

James: just waiting on you babe.

She smiled a little and grabbed his hand.

Melly: you coming?

Brian: no.

Melly: see you in a bit then.

Matt: where are they going?

Brian: for a walk.

Matt: they patch things up?

Brian: I guess or they're going to.

Matt: hmmm...

Brian: what?

Matt: nothing.

He watched them intently.

Matt: did you call lunch girl?

Brian: yes. Wait.

Matt: I over heard you and Melly talking about it. She's right. You do deserve the woman you want.

Even if she is married?

Matt: I didn't mean to eves drop.

Brian: its cool.

Matt: I can't wait to go home.

Brian: me too. I thought this would be a nice get away.

Matt: me too. What did lunch girl say?

Brian: she's still upset.

Matt: give it a little time. Don't stop calling though. Cause if you do then she's going to assume you really don't want to patch things up.

Brian: are you giving me relationship advice?

I found this slightly amusing. He smiled a bit.

Matt: yes. You don't have to listen though. I wouldn't listen to me.

His tone a bit regretful. There was that lost look again.

Matt: I let go and lost...

I frowned.

Matt: all that time. I never knew it then. I did but I was stupid, I am stupid. Now...

He looked at me.

Matt: don't let go of lunch girl. Keep calling her. Send her flowers do whatever.

Brian: I don't plan on giving up on lunch girl.

Matt: good because you always look so happy when you talk about her.

A small smile made its way on his face.

Matt: and it makes me happy for you.

Brian: thanks...do you thank people for a comment like that?

Matt: I'm not sure.

We shared a quiet laugh.

Brian: thanks anyways.

Matt: sure man.

Brian: what did you lose?

Matt gave me a smile. Weak and pained.

Matt: something very important. I didn't know at the time how much I'd miss it. Even though its still there. Its not the same.

Brian: how can you lose something but still have it there?