Addicted to Plush Brian Haner JR

Zacky: so what exactly is this surprise Jacoby is bringing?

Brian: wouldn't me telling you defeat the purpose of the surprise?

Zacky: we could still act surprised.

Brian: you're an idiot.

I shook my head.

Johnny: just drink your beer Zack.

It was an exciting day for me. Though I tried not to show it. I get to see her. My eyes closed and I smiled. Remembering her face wasn't good enough.

Matt: hey Bri.

I opened my eyes and looked at him.

Matt: I'm not sure but Melly seemed a bit off the other day.

Huffing I looked at the steaks.

Brian: I know.

Matt: is she all right?

I shrugged.

Brian: she didn't say anything.

Matt: oh...

He left it alone after that. Making conversation with Jimmy.

Brian: does anyone know if the Berry tards are coming?

Zacky: no.

Brian: what about Danny?

Matt: he can't make it. Something about seeing his family.

I should consider that. The last of summer sun blared from the sky. Making it extra hot next to the grill. It felt good despite that. Its familiar. Welcoming.

Jacoby: damn Brian you've got a nice place.

Instantly I looked up. Giving two shits for him. My eyes desperately looked for her.

Brian: thanks man.

Jacoby: hey guys.

They all greeted each other. She quietly walked up. Her lips turned up in the corners.

Jimmy: who's that?

Jacoby looked over his shoulder and smiled.

Jacoby: my wife.

Johnny: holy shit she's real.

My eyes never left her. The guys did there thing.

Jenn: your meat.

Brian: excuse me what?

Jenn: your meat is burning.

She pointed at the steaks.

Brian: oh fuck.

She laughed a little.

Brian: fucking great.

Jenn: don't worry just tell them its cajun style. They'll eat it.

Brian: good call.

She placed a friendly hand on my bare back.

Jenn: how are you?

I looked at her.

Brian: good and yourself.

Jenn: well enough.

She sighed but quickly smiled.

Jenn: catch up on sleeping yet?

Brian: not as well as I'd like to.

Jenn: you'll eventually crash.

I nodded.

Brian: I'm sure I will.

She patted my back and went back to Jacoby's side. I wanted to slam my face into the hot grill. Rid myself of all the misery I know is to come.

Brian: steaks are done.

Johnny: what the fuck dude. They're all burnt.

Brian: naw man its blackened to seal all the juices inside.

Jenn shot me a smile. Burning in my stomach. We sat, talked, and ate. Exchanging funny tour stories. Making fun of one another. All in good humor. I tried hard to look away from her. It didn't matter much I guess, everyone was looking at her. Not the same way. I stood up and walked off. Ahh...the loyalty of addiction. The smoke filled my lungs. Funny how this little cigarette brought me joy or a good excuse for me just walking away. The smoke danced out of my lips and into the evening air. How inviting the ocean looked. It teased me with its waves.

Jenn: it really is nice...

My head quickly snapped to the side. She sat there with that soft smile. Her pretty blue eyes looking out to the water.

Jenn: I've always wanted a house by the water. I can only imagine how relaxing it is.

Brian: it has its days. Sometimes Posiden gets pissed off and its like hell out there.

Jenn: Posiden?

She asked with an entertained tone. I blew smoke out with a huff and shook my head at myself. A chuckle left my lips.

Brian: I've got a crazy cousin who was obsessed with greek mythology for a second.

Jenn: I've got a friend who went through a phase like that. So I know where you're coming from.

She kept the smile. I've never enjoyed a silence more than now. Never wanted one to last forever.

Jenn: you live here alone?

Brian: yes I do.

Jenn: no pets?

Brian: I've got the ocean to keep me company.

She looked at me thoughtfully.

Brian: I like to sit out here and just stare at it. Its not the same with background noise and commotion...I'm not antisocial or anything.

I quickly added. Her head shook a little.

Jenn: I understand. Sometimes being surrounded by flashing lights and beautiful people gets overrated. Out here you can think. Remember where you came from and who you are.

Brian: exactly. Not everyone gets that.

Jenn: I do.

Once again her blue eyes looked out to the water. My hand wanted to touch her face. I put my cigarette out. We stood there. The sun was slowly setting. Oranges and reds reflected off the water. Making it the coolest shade of purple. My favorite color. The color shirt she wore. It made her look...mentally I bit my tongue.

Jacoby: what are you two talking about over here?

Jenn: nothing much. Just how nice it must be to live by the beach.

He wrapped an arm around her. Suddenly they all trickled to where we stood. The ocean wasn't as tempting to look at as it was before. I never minded looking at it with someone else. It just isn't the same with a group of people. You lose all the intimacy with yourself and thoughts. Its a personal thing for me. I wish I could show her the way I spent my time looking at the ocean. How I interacted with it. I sound fucking crazy. Even to myself. I frowned. My friends are loud. Obnoxious at the moment. Can you blame me? I've been in a small bus for the past twenty fucking months. I love them but I need my space. Perhaps this get together was to soon. Now seemed like a good time to get another drink. Funny how you can want to do something and when the time comes, you're like aww fuck, really? The house was cooler than usual. It sent a chill down my back. I only agreed to this little shin dig to see her. Like I said I could give a shit about the rest of them. I know those guys well enough. Spent enough time in confined spaces. Even Jacoby. Great guy. I just don't care. She was all that I wanted to look at. If only no one else was around. I could pick her brain and get to know her.

Jacoby: hey man me and Mrs are gonna head out.

Brian: so soon?

Jacoby: yeah want to spend some one on one time before I go.

Brian: oh ofcourse.

Jenn: thank you for inviting us.

I managed a smile.

Brian: have a safe trip man and take care. You too Jenn.

Jacoby: we will.

Brian: and if you need anything I'm here.

My eyes only looked at Jenn. They left. So did the rest of the guys. Thank goodness. I'm not sure if I could tolerate them any longer without her here. Closing the door I let out a long sigh. Rubbing my neck relieve something. I'm not sure what. The light in my fridge lit up the whole kitchen. It was dark already. The moon was out and I could hear the waves peacefully crashing again. Grabbing a beer I walked back outside. Going all the way down to the beach this time. I hadn't walked down here yet since I'd gotten home. The sand was warm on the bottom of my feet. Sinking down as I took my next step getting closer to the water. I took a seat close enough to where my feet would get wet. The water crawled over my toes and quickly rushed over the rest of my foot. Flowing back slowly. Recoiling as it does. My lips turned up in the corners at the familiar feeling.

Brian: there's nothing like home. Sure isn't. Maybe...her... Clearly today was not such a good idea.

A sigh escaped.

Brian: you can have any bitch in the world. Any. Then there is her. She's no bitch. Jenn isn't someone you just use and throw away. That's the one you spend your life looking for.

The bottle met my lips.

Brian: I can't have her. Its best to move on before anything happens. What could happen? I don't know. She isn't the type to cheat. Look at her she loves her man. Just because she loves him doesn't mean anything. People cheat on their spouses everyday. Everyday.

My head shook in rejection to my thought.

Brian: that must follow under the same trend of getting a divorce. You're a sick man Haner. A sick man. No only human. People day dream about other peoples girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives, sisters, what have you all the time. Its human nature. You're a man attracted to a very beautiful woman.

I huffed a sarcastic laugh.

Brian: attracted doesn't even come close.