Hooked

I never knew my life was really going to end up like this.

The monster just grabbed hold on me tight, wouldn’t let go.

"Jeff lets go I am feeling rather shitty and would like to get buzzed." My best friend Matt yelled to from down the stairs. I was strumming my guitar trying to get these damn words to go with these chords but nothing was going right. I was about ready to smash the ratty thing to pieces. I got up and threw another piece of garbage lyrics into the bin. More frustrated and strung out then I've ever been. I look in the mirror, emptiness stares back at me. I'm so tired of living like this.

"I'm coming, I'm coming" I grumbled as I fixed my hair up a bit. I threw on my volcom hoodie slipped to my worn black converse and ran down the stairs to catch up with Matt. he was so impatient. We were total opposites but he was my best friend. Only guy I could really talk to about stuff.

"Finally shit head I feel like I’m going into withdrawal."

I shake my head as I walk through the door and head to a party that I know I have no business going too. I’m just slowly killing myself.

Once we got there every one was bent out of shape. No way could I get away from the monster tonight no matter how hard I tried. This whole scene is killing me and I only have myself to blame.

Sierra comes over to me immediately. She’s so fucking hot. Seriously she takes my breath away.

"Hey Jeff" she says as she wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me softly. We aren’t together or anything and I know she’s high off her ass but this is the way she wants it. I want to be with her but I don’t know. I put a hand to the back of her head and kiss her deeper pushing back against the wall we are near. I love this feeling, this uncontrollable desire I have for her. Better than the monster, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. She pushes me away gently catching her breath then smiles.

"I guess someone missed me" she giggled.

"Mhm" I wasn’t a man of many words if you haven’t noticed already.

"I want to do blow but I was waiting for you." blow as in cocaine. I shake my head she shouldn’t be touching that shit.

"Let's go" I take her hand lead her up to the room where everybody does it at. I should just tell her no but I like blow just as much as the next guy does. The next stupid guy.

There are a couple of guys in the room already. Eyeing sierra slowly making me want to rip their testicles off. Lines were on the table six of them six of us.

"You guys in?" one obviously wacked guy asked us. I nod my head and we take our positions at the table. We all did it together at the same time. Snorting coke through our nose, feeling the rush, loving the way it made us feel. I did about five lines that much one was enough. One was too much. Once I was done with the fifth line and prepared for the six, sierra started acting funny. She was slower than us trying to catch up always trying to roll with guys. I loved that about her although it could be her down fall.

"You okay?" I asked her as her nose began to bleed, she dropped to floor.

"Fuck" she says as she wipes her nose roughly.

"Maybe you should sit this one out" I tell her as her body starts to convulse and her eyes roll in the back of the head. "Sierra what the fuck?! This isn’t funny someone call 911!"

I wasn’t about to lose the only thing that kept me sane. I paced the hospital waiting room strung out ready to crash. It’s been three days. Three fucking days, she’s woken up a couple of times but nothing to tell me that she would be okay. I go to her room see her up finally watching TV with a sad expression on your face.

"Why didn’t you call me?" I asked kind of pissed. I wanted to be here as soon as she woke up.

"I’m going to rehab Jeff, my mom went ballistic. She said she’s not dealing with this anymore. That you’re a bad influence. That me and you weren’t going anywhere." she looks into my eyes tears welling up and I frown not really knowing what to say to that.

"Err I know I’m not the best guy but-"

"-but are we going anywhere? We’ve been on like this for months now and not a single sign that you want to take it further."

"I thought that’s what you wanted?

"I don’t know what I want anymore Jeff but I’m starting to think it’s not this."

"Don’t go" Your my sanity.

"I don’t have a choice and I was thinking." I looked up at her, her eyes piercing mine. "Maybe you should go to because once I’m sober I want to stay sober."