Snake Bite Heart With a Bubble Gum Smile

Shopping with Alex and Jack was more exhausting than I thought it would be. How can two individuals have so much energy? Their constant arguments over the appropriateness of my clothing spun my mind into a loop of confusion. The clothes in my closet are a mix of Jack's ideas of style and Alex's ideas of appropriate. I believe some of those skirts are too short. I know Alex thinks so too but he still bought them because Jack wouldn't budge on the issue.

I've learned not to argue with Jack. I'll save myself the tragic defeat by a man who hardly makes sense.

In my laziness, I lay on the bed, unmoving. Tomorrow, I have dance practice and a class to teach. The practice is for an upcoming competition. It's less than a week away. In fact, it’s a mere three days away. There are two different dances I am performing in: our competition group's dance— which is filled with eighteen and nineteen year olds— and my solo. Both dances are to All Time Low songs. I didn't plan that. I never pick the songs. When we listened to them, I had no idea that they were made by Alex's band. I nearly had a heart attack when I found out. I was still against having anything to do with my family at the time.

I don't mind so much now.

My feelings are still there but I do believe that my brother is trying. I'm not sure about my parents. They haven't been around much. Workaholics are hard to break.

Back to the uplifting subject of dance. The group song is "Damned If I Do Ya (Damned If I Don't)". We each play a different member of the band or person from their music video. I am Alex. I did not end up with the role due to my relation to him. No one knows about that. I ended up as Alex because I look like him. Barely. My solo is to "Walls".

I never knew my brother had such a pretty voice until I heard these songs.

I teach the two to three year olds and the four to five year olds. Children are amazing, if not a bit difficult. It takes patience and authority to handle them. Surprisingly, I can manage both. I teach three ballet classes, two jazz classes, and one tap class.

Teaching and competing are how I paid for my dance courses while I was living in the park. On occasion I would have a little money on the side to use for whatever. Typically, I would indulge in CC's coffee or tampons.

Its one of those things you take for granted.

I wonder if my parents and brother would go to the performance if I asked them to. I would love for them to be there. It would mean so much to me. Even if they just came for the judging part. I would be ecstatic if they came to support me.

It would show how much they changed. If they did change, of course.

It would tell me the current family life isn't just a front.

It would make my stay concrete.

I don't know if I should ask them.

My door opens; Alex walks in.

"We're going out to eat. Mom and dad will meet us there," he says.

"Where?" I ask.

"Some Italian place."

My spit glands salivate. An audible growl emits from my stomach.

"I love Italian," I say.

"I know. Now get dressed; we're leaving in thirty minutes," he instructs, leaving the room.

Dinner with my parents after the blow up I had yesterday. Should be spectacular. Maybe I'll be able to talk rationally to them about everything.

But the situation before I ran away was not rational. Not in the least. How can I be expected to stay calm when talking about my isolation from my family? I get slightly hostile and emotional thinking about it. There is no reason for me to stay calm anyway. They deserve to feel a fraction of what I felt, even if in the form of a tongue-lashing.

Though, the point of family isn't to get even. It's to work together, to have people to lean on when you're hurt or scared.

I can try to stay calm but it might not work.