Fields Of Gold
Fields Of Gold
I lay with one hand in my pocket. I was stroking the pebble we’d found on the shingle beach. It was a deep shade of gray that reminded me of a rain cloud and it had been baking in the sunlight when I’d found it yesterday. James had wanted to throw it into the water along with the others but I had liked the feel of it against my skin so I kept it in the pocket of my jeans. My other hand was tucked under his and he’d always give it a tender squeeze just to let me know he was there, and awake.
Usually he wouldn’t need to remind me since we’d be talking, but today we were silent. The sun was high in the sky falling onto our faces as we lay among the lush barley. As the light embrace it it would glow a warm golden colour. The wind would blow very softly and in the night it was almost as if it was rocking the field to sleep.
I turned my cheek to James whose blue eyes were fixed on one of the larger clouds that had been drifting aimlessly above us.
“One more day” I said in a hint of a whisper. He did not look at me but nodded and squeezed my hand again, almost triggering the tears in my eyes. I felt them prickle and pulled my hands away to wipe them. James sat up and watched me, still not saying a word. I knew he did not want to spend our last day with teary eyed but I was finding it far too hard.
“Don’t you care,” I said, my voice faint but wobbly. “After tomorrow you’ll be off too Normandy and I-I may never see you again. We’ll never lie in our field together and get married like y-you said and-”
“Now why would you say something like that?” asked James smiling gently at me, his dark hair falling over his eyes. His tone was playful and light hearted; the voice you use when trying to cheer up a distressed child. Almost patronizing. His arms linked themselves protectively around my waist and he looked intently at me. His face was so close; I could count the freckles on his nose. I wanted nothing more than to kiss him and make love in our field just one last time. But of course there was no time. There never was.
“Of course we’ll see each other again Lizzie,” he took on hand away from my waist and held it below my chin.
“I’m not five, James,” I said in an almost sulky way. I sounded childish but I didn't care. “You’ll go and who knows how much longer this war will last? I’ll always wait for you James, I promise…but-”
“What but? I promised you that I’d come back to you didn’t I? Well, I’m a man of my word. I’ll come back. And you’ll be looking prettier than ever and waiting by our field. And we’ll get married by the sea and bring our kids here. We’ll have it any way you want, just wait for me to come back, alright?” he insisted, his voice urgent and pleading. He pressing his lips to mine as he always did. I kissed him back as I always did.
“I will. I’ll wait all my life if I must. I’ll come here everyday.”
“Is that a promise?” he asked grinning and lying back down into the exact position as before. I rested beside him, resting my head against his chest so that he could run his hands through my red curls.
“Of course it is,”
“Then I shall promise something to you.” He said and without looking I could tell there was a smile on his face.
“What?” I mumbled. I squinted my eyes. The sun was hurting a bit.He was silent for a moment and all I could hear was his heart beating loudly beneath his thin shirt.
“I promise…that…I shall always be thinking of you as I fight.” He finished eventually. I looked up at him and frowned slightly. It didn’t seem like a particularly fair deal. I was planning to wait for him my whole life!
James looked at the expression on my face and laughed heartily. His eyes always crinkled and lit up when he laughed.
“Fine then. How about this? If anything should happen to me when I’m in Normandy I solemnly swear that of all the people I love and of all the pretty girls I’ve ever seen I’ll think of you as I die. And that’s not just now. Even when I return I swear it. I’ll picture your face. No matter where I am.”
I breathed in deeply and looked up at him. “Don't talk like that” I asked. I heard my own voice wobble.
“I mean it though, Lizzie. I love you don’t I? In all honesty I don’t really need to take an oath, I’d do it anyway.”
Again there was the beautiful silence. The sun and the golden warmth had disappeared behind the trees and we had been left in the dark. I shivered slightly and saw my cold breath in the air. The dark clouds loomed over us and rain collapsed upon us. My wet clothes clung to my skin. I giggled like a silly girl as drops ran down the tip of his nose. His face cracked into a grin as he bent down and kissed me again. I could feel him coaxing my mouth open and playing with my hair. I could taste the cold raindrops on his lips. I could sense his heart thumping in time with my own. When we pulled away I was almost gasping for breath. My lips were on fire.
“We’d better go, you’re freezing, and I can see you shaking.” he shuddered, rubbing his arms.
We had no coats so we walked quickly to the footpath, splashing through puddles. I took one last longing glance at our field and smiled as James swung his arm around me to shield me from the spitting showers.
10 years later
“Liz, can you please pass me that pot of jam,” my sister Annie asked impatiently. I nodded and past it across the table carelessly. Her husband Thomas had left to work not long ago. Her two children sat at the table each nibbling on a slice of thickly buttered toast. They would often play in the nearby fields and greens but never the barley fields. They were situated too far up the hill and there were no trees there to climb. Besides, that field was mine.
“Liz, I may take the children down to that old shingle beach today. We’ll be out until supper so I’d appreciate it if maybe you could cook.”
I tucked a lock of my red hair behind my ear and nodded.
“Are you going down to…” my sister trailed off. I simply nodded again. Annie raised her eyebrow as usual but said nothing as she saw to her children. I took a deep breath as a cold wave of nausea hit me. I excused myself hurriedly, turned and went upstairs, passing Thomas’ War Medallion that was perched against the windowsill beside a vase of fresh flowers.
I closed my eyes for a moment and wondered what it be like to have my own husband’s medallion hung proudly in my own home with my own children. I reached out, with my hand shaking and touched the cool metal. I shuddered as the very tip of my fingers came in contact with the medallion and pulled away.
It wasn't mine to touch.
I trailed up the path after Annie and her children had left for the beach and wandered up the hill with nothing in my hands but a worn gray pebble that reminded me of a rain cloud.
The sun was brighter than ever, causing a trickle of sweat to make its way down my chest. The sky was clear and cloudless. The barley was warm like a pool of thick honey, as I sat down far into the field. I lay back with my eyes closed and humming along to the sound of summer.
“It’s been ten years James. I’m still waiting like I promised”
60 years later
I stared blankly at the television screen. My nurse Cindy was sat not far from me dropping a tea bag into a china cup. She was a pretty young girl with a waterfall of jet-black hair and green eyes. She reminded me very much of James’ little sister.
I dropped my eyes as I remembered dear Sarah. She, along with all the other girls from my youth was long gone. The girls I’d shared my secrets with, the girls I’d giggled with about boys. The girls I’d cried with after those boys had all left with their guns and their armour. I remember holding Sarah in my arms after her brother had left. We had cried on each other’s shoulders until we were shivering and gasping for breath after they never found her him.
Tears escaped my eyes but I batted them away. I looked at my hands. My life was etched across them.
Cindy was still fixing my tea. I peered out of the window longingly at the path that lead to the great, wide barley fields. I was old, I was broken and I had not been able to visit them in the last 7 years. For 7 years I hadn’t felt the wind rustle the wheat and blow though my curls. I hadn’t felt the barley prickle my palms.
“Cindy” I said. I was repulsed by the frailness of my voice. “I think I might go for a walk on my own”
I heard her sharp intake of breath.
“I don’t really think that’s a good idea…do you want me to come with you?” she offered. I shook my head and stood up slowly from my armchair.
“Thank you, but I think I’d like to walk on my own. I won’t walk far, just to the fields past the hill.”
Cindy hesitated. She was a sweet girl but she had never been very bright.
“Oh Cindy dear, please. I’d just like some time to myself. I get so bored in this old house.”
Before she could answer properly I had managed to walk to the door, dragging my cane with me.
---
I sat in silence in my precious barely field and took in the scent of pollen. 7 years since I’d sat here. Decades since I’d sat here with James.
I wanted to run through as I had done before but my legs were and sore, and my heart was weak. I wanted to lie back and stare at the shapeless clouds but my back hurt too much. I could barely hear the birds above me, or even my own shallow breathing.
I closed my eyes. I was tired. I was drained.
As I opened them my eyes were hazy and the light was dim. But there he was, clear as glass walking down the hill. Not a day older. His slim body and broad shoulders, the freckles across his nose, his dark blue eyes crinkling as he smiled, his dark hair flopping across his face slightly.
He waved cheerily. It was as if he’d just gone the shops, rather than to a war.
I smiled. Everything around him was getting darker and darker and the birds calling seemed more distant than before. But what did it matter?
I wasn’t an old woman anymore. I was myself again. My long fiery curls, my brown eyes and I was wearing my favourite red dress. He was back and we’d get married by the sea just like he had promised me. We’d lie in our field and let the days pass.
I closed my eyes in bliss, and held on to my pretty gray pebble as my world faded to black forever.
Usually he wouldn’t need to remind me since we’d be talking, but today we were silent. The sun was high in the sky falling onto our faces as we lay among the lush barley. As the light embrace it it would glow a warm golden colour. The wind would blow very softly and in the night it was almost as if it was rocking the field to sleep.
I turned my cheek to James whose blue eyes were fixed on one of the larger clouds that had been drifting aimlessly above us.
“One more day” I said in a hint of a whisper. He did not look at me but nodded and squeezed my hand again, almost triggering the tears in my eyes. I felt them prickle and pulled my hands away to wipe them. James sat up and watched me, still not saying a word. I knew he did not want to spend our last day with teary eyed but I was finding it far too hard.
“Don’t you care,” I said, my voice faint but wobbly. “After tomorrow you’ll be off too Normandy and I-I may never see you again. We’ll never lie in our field together and get married like y-you said and-”
“Now why would you say something like that?” asked James smiling gently at me, his dark hair falling over his eyes. His tone was playful and light hearted; the voice you use when trying to cheer up a distressed child. Almost patronizing. His arms linked themselves protectively around my waist and he looked intently at me. His face was so close; I could count the freckles on his nose. I wanted nothing more than to kiss him and make love in our field just one last time. But of course there was no time. There never was.
“Of course we’ll see each other again Lizzie,” he took on hand away from my waist and held it below my chin.
“I’m not five, James,” I said in an almost sulky way. I sounded childish but I didn't care. “You’ll go and who knows how much longer this war will last? I’ll always wait for you James, I promise…but-”
“What but? I promised you that I’d come back to you didn’t I? Well, I’m a man of my word. I’ll come back. And you’ll be looking prettier than ever and waiting by our field. And we’ll get married by the sea and bring our kids here. We’ll have it any way you want, just wait for me to come back, alright?” he insisted, his voice urgent and pleading. He pressing his lips to mine as he always did. I kissed him back as I always did.
“I will. I’ll wait all my life if I must. I’ll come here everyday.”
“Is that a promise?” he asked grinning and lying back down into the exact position as before. I rested beside him, resting my head against his chest so that he could run his hands through my red curls.
“Of course it is,”
“Then I shall promise something to you.” He said and without looking I could tell there was a smile on his face.
“What?” I mumbled. I squinted my eyes. The sun was hurting a bit.He was silent for a moment and all I could hear was his heart beating loudly beneath his thin shirt.
“I promise…that…I shall always be thinking of you as I fight.” He finished eventually. I looked up at him and frowned slightly. It didn’t seem like a particularly fair deal. I was planning to wait for him my whole life!
James looked at the expression on my face and laughed heartily. His eyes always crinkled and lit up when he laughed.
“Fine then. How about this? If anything should happen to me when I’m in Normandy I solemnly swear that of all the people I love and of all the pretty girls I’ve ever seen I’ll think of you as I die. And that’s not just now. Even when I return I swear it. I’ll picture your face. No matter where I am.”
I breathed in deeply and looked up at him. “Don't talk like that” I asked. I heard my own voice wobble.
“I mean it though, Lizzie. I love you don’t I? In all honesty I don’t really need to take an oath, I’d do it anyway.”
Again there was the beautiful silence. The sun and the golden warmth had disappeared behind the trees and we had been left in the dark. I shivered slightly and saw my cold breath in the air. The dark clouds loomed over us and rain collapsed upon us. My wet clothes clung to my skin. I giggled like a silly girl as drops ran down the tip of his nose. His face cracked into a grin as he bent down and kissed me again. I could feel him coaxing my mouth open and playing with my hair. I could taste the cold raindrops on his lips. I could sense his heart thumping in time with my own. When we pulled away I was almost gasping for breath. My lips were on fire.
“We’d better go, you’re freezing, and I can see you shaking.” he shuddered, rubbing his arms.
We had no coats so we walked quickly to the footpath, splashing through puddles. I took one last longing glance at our field and smiled as James swung his arm around me to shield me from the spitting showers.
10 years later
“Liz, can you please pass me that pot of jam,” my sister Annie asked impatiently. I nodded and past it across the table carelessly. Her husband Thomas had left to work not long ago. Her two children sat at the table each nibbling on a slice of thickly buttered toast. They would often play in the nearby fields and greens but never the barley fields. They were situated too far up the hill and there were no trees there to climb. Besides, that field was mine.
“Liz, I may take the children down to that old shingle beach today. We’ll be out until supper so I’d appreciate it if maybe you could cook.”
I tucked a lock of my red hair behind my ear and nodded.
“Are you going down to…” my sister trailed off. I simply nodded again. Annie raised her eyebrow as usual but said nothing as she saw to her children. I took a deep breath as a cold wave of nausea hit me. I excused myself hurriedly, turned and went upstairs, passing Thomas’ War Medallion that was perched against the windowsill beside a vase of fresh flowers.
I closed my eyes for a moment and wondered what it be like to have my own husband’s medallion hung proudly in my own home with my own children. I reached out, with my hand shaking and touched the cool metal. I shuddered as the very tip of my fingers came in contact with the medallion and pulled away.
It wasn't mine to touch.
I trailed up the path after Annie and her children had left for the beach and wandered up the hill with nothing in my hands but a worn gray pebble that reminded me of a rain cloud.
The sun was brighter than ever, causing a trickle of sweat to make its way down my chest. The sky was clear and cloudless. The barley was warm like a pool of thick honey, as I sat down far into the field. I lay back with my eyes closed and humming along to the sound of summer.
“It’s been ten years James. I’m still waiting like I promised”
60 years later
I stared blankly at the television screen. My nurse Cindy was sat not far from me dropping a tea bag into a china cup. She was a pretty young girl with a waterfall of jet-black hair and green eyes. She reminded me very much of James’ little sister.
I dropped my eyes as I remembered dear Sarah. She, along with all the other girls from my youth was long gone. The girls I’d shared my secrets with, the girls I’d giggled with about boys. The girls I’d cried with after those boys had all left with their guns and their armour. I remember holding Sarah in my arms after her brother had left. We had cried on each other’s shoulders until we were shivering and gasping for breath after they never found her him.
Tears escaped my eyes but I batted them away. I looked at my hands. My life was etched across them.
Cindy was still fixing my tea. I peered out of the window longingly at the path that lead to the great, wide barley fields. I was old, I was broken and I had not been able to visit them in the last 7 years. For 7 years I hadn’t felt the wind rustle the wheat and blow though my curls. I hadn’t felt the barley prickle my palms.
“Cindy” I said. I was repulsed by the frailness of my voice. “I think I might go for a walk on my own”
I heard her sharp intake of breath.
“I don’t really think that’s a good idea…do you want me to come with you?” she offered. I shook my head and stood up slowly from my armchair.
“Thank you, but I think I’d like to walk on my own. I won’t walk far, just to the fields past the hill.”
Cindy hesitated. She was a sweet girl but she had never been very bright.
“Oh Cindy dear, please. I’d just like some time to myself. I get so bored in this old house.”
Before she could answer properly I had managed to walk to the door, dragging my cane with me.
---
I sat in silence in my precious barely field and took in the scent of pollen. 7 years since I’d sat here. Decades since I’d sat here with James.
I wanted to run through as I had done before but my legs were and sore, and my heart was weak. I wanted to lie back and stare at the shapeless clouds but my back hurt too much. I could barely hear the birds above me, or even my own shallow breathing.
I closed my eyes. I was tired. I was drained.
As I opened them my eyes were hazy and the light was dim. But there he was, clear as glass walking down the hill. Not a day older. His slim body and broad shoulders, the freckles across his nose, his dark blue eyes crinkling as he smiled, his dark hair flopping across his face slightly.
He waved cheerily. It was as if he’d just gone the shops, rather than to a war.
I smiled. Everything around him was getting darker and darker and the birds calling seemed more distant than before. But what did it matter?
I wasn’t an old woman anymore. I was myself again. My long fiery curls, my brown eyes and I was wearing my favourite red dress. He was back and we’d get married by the sea just like he had promised me. We’d lie in our field and let the days pass.
I closed my eyes in bliss, and held on to my pretty gray pebble as my world faded to black forever.