Status: Contest Entry
Peanut Butter
1/1
“I hate you!” an young girl, maybe seven or eight, screamed at a young boy of around the same age. She was bleeding from the forehead, but she wasn’t crying, because as she had been told so many times, crying means you’re weak.
The boy tried to hug her, but she pushed him away. “Jello, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to cut your head! I’d never hurt you on a purpose!” The girl shook her head, trying to go around him, but failing. He pulled her to him, pressing her forehead to his shirt, ignoring the blood now soaking his clothes.
“Jello, I’d never hurt you. Never! You need to understand that,” he pleaded, and girl didn’t pull away. “Its okay, Bill, I forgive you,” she said softly, knowing he truly meant the words he had said. Bill hugged her tighter, but let her go, leading her to his house so his mother could examine the cut.
It had been ten years ago that the two had gone through that moment, and now Jessica, or Jello, as she had been known as back then, had discovered something. “Just what I need,” she muttered, placing the spoon into her mouth dejectedly. Bill was on a date, with some whore from school, and Jessica felt heart broken.
Peanut butter was to her what ice cream and frosting were to other teenage girls; the cure to heartbreak. Jessica had gone through the years, with Bill hurting her, physically and emotionally, but always forgave him. It was a habit, by now, to hear him say sorry, and then for her to reply with a simple, “I forgive you.”
Like the time he had joined in on the bully’s teasing when they were ten. Or the time he pushed her off a swing. Even the time he had told her secret to his other friends when he believed she wasn’t around. The memory of that day was burned into her mind, even now, years later….
“Bill, my man, why do you hang out with that freak girl? I mean, man, you could do so much better,” one of Bill’s friends told him. Jessica was behind a shelf in the library, and the other fourteen year olds could not see her. Of course, she silently corrected their assumption, she and Bill weren’t together, not like that, anyway.
“Well, she’s easy, for one. I mean, I think it’s just because she’s so surprised anyone would ever want to be with her. She hasn’t been a virgin since she was eleven,” he told his friends in a rather disgusting tone.
Anger filtered through her as he kept talking, along with the urge to cry. But she would not cry, it showed weakness. That was a lesson her mother had been teaching her with a large amount of force since her father rapped her on her twelfth birthday. Crying was weakness, pity was weakness, and love was the biggest of them all.
***
It was three hours later when she was at the park, swinging, when Bill came over to her. Obviously, he didn’t know she had overheard him earlier, because he smiled at her.
“Hey, Jessie, what’s up?” The girl ignored him, increasing the force she was putting into swinging. “Jessica? Hello? Anyone home?” Still, he was met by silence.
“Jello? Talk to me, please,” he begged, his voice and eyes pleading. Jessica suddenly stopped the swing, standing facing Bill with her arms crossed over her chest. “I heard you today, when you were talking to your friends. Thanks for telling them I’m not a virgin anymore, and thanks even more for mentioning the fact that I only lost my virginity because my fatherraped me. You’re such a great friend. Oh, and it’s nice to know you think I’m easy, when I’ve never even kissed anyone. Such an amazing friend you are.”
She tried to walk around him, but he stopped her. “Jello, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean any of it, it’s just stuff guys say to their friends! You know how much I care about you, and how much I love you!”
It was the word “love” that got her. She forgave him, like she always did.
The girl was weak, growing more so each passing day. She loved Bill, who was oblivious to it, and to the fact that he did keep hurting her, day after day. And it wasn’t always completely unintentional. Jessica, she didn’t know how much more she could take.
Love, according to her mother, was the biggest weakness of all. And love, like the kind she felt for Bill, was the worst. People put their lives on the line to save a person they love, sacrificing what they want or need.
Jessica had promised herself she wouldn’t let it get to that. It couldn’t be allowed. But a single glance into his eyes made her doubt that she could keep that promise.
So, she dug her spoon into the peanut butter, getting a large amount on it, then sticking it in her mouth.
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter like an unrequited love, she thought bitterly, letting her spoon return and stay in the jar. It was with a sigh that she fell back onto the couch, wishing life was different. Wishing she could stop forgiving Bill.
But forgiving the only person you allow yourself to love, it becomes a habit, a terrible one. And she knows that, yet she’ll still find herself throwing a glance in his direction, always hoping to see his eyes darting away, and never once has that happened. She had condemned herself to a life of pain, and there was no way out.
The boy tried to hug her, but she pushed him away. “Jello, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to cut your head! I’d never hurt you on a purpose!” The girl shook her head, trying to go around him, but failing. He pulled her to him, pressing her forehead to his shirt, ignoring the blood now soaking his clothes.
“Jello, I’d never hurt you. Never! You need to understand that,” he pleaded, and girl didn’t pull away. “Its okay, Bill, I forgive you,” she said softly, knowing he truly meant the words he had said. Bill hugged her tighter, but let her go, leading her to his house so his mother could examine the cut.
It had been ten years ago that the two had gone through that moment, and now Jessica, or Jello, as she had been known as back then, had discovered something. “Just what I need,” she muttered, placing the spoon into her mouth dejectedly. Bill was on a date, with some whore from school, and Jessica felt heart broken.
Peanut butter was to her what ice cream and frosting were to other teenage girls; the cure to heartbreak. Jessica had gone through the years, with Bill hurting her, physically and emotionally, but always forgave him. It was a habit, by now, to hear him say sorry, and then for her to reply with a simple, “I forgive you.”
Like the time he had joined in on the bully’s teasing when they were ten. Or the time he pushed her off a swing. Even the time he had told her secret to his other friends when he believed she wasn’t around. The memory of that day was burned into her mind, even now, years later….
“Bill, my man, why do you hang out with that freak girl? I mean, man, you could do so much better,” one of Bill’s friends told him. Jessica was behind a shelf in the library, and the other fourteen year olds could not see her. Of course, she silently corrected their assumption, she and Bill weren’t together, not like that, anyway.
“Well, she’s easy, for one. I mean, I think it’s just because she’s so surprised anyone would ever want to be with her. She hasn’t been a virgin since she was eleven,” he told his friends in a rather disgusting tone.
Anger filtered through her as he kept talking, along with the urge to cry. But she would not cry, it showed weakness. That was a lesson her mother had been teaching her with a large amount of force since her father rapped her on her twelfth birthday. Crying was weakness, pity was weakness, and love was the biggest of them all.
***
It was three hours later when she was at the park, swinging, when Bill came over to her. Obviously, he didn’t know she had overheard him earlier, because he smiled at her.
“Hey, Jessie, what’s up?” The girl ignored him, increasing the force she was putting into swinging. “Jessica? Hello? Anyone home?” Still, he was met by silence.
“Jello? Talk to me, please,” he begged, his voice and eyes pleading. Jessica suddenly stopped the swing, standing facing Bill with her arms crossed over her chest. “I heard you today, when you were talking to your friends. Thanks for telling them I’m not a virgin anymore, and thanks even more for mentioning the fact that I only lost my virginity because my fatherraped me. You’re such a great friend. Oh, and it’s nice to know you think I’m easy, when I’ve never even kissed anyone. Such an amazing friend you are.”
She tried to walk around him, but he stopped her. “Jello, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean any of it, it’s just stuff guys say to their friends! You know how much I care about you, and how much I love you!”
It was the word “love” that got her. She forgave him, like she always did.
The girl was weak, growing more so each passing day. She loved Bill, who was oblivious to it, and to the fact that he did keep hurting her, day after day. And it wasn’t always completely unintentional. Jessica, she didn’t know how much more she could take.
Love, according to her mother, was the biggest weakness of all. And love, like the kind she felt for Bill, was the worst. People put their lives on the line to save a person they love, sacrificing what they want or need.
Jessica had promised herself she wouldn’t let it get to that. It couldn’t be allowed. But a single glance into his eyes made her doubt that she could keep that promise.
So, she dug her spoon into the peanut butter, getting a large amount on it, then sticking it in her mouth.
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter like an unrequited love, she thought bitterly, letting her spoon return and stay in the jar. It was with a sigh that she fell back onto the couch, wishing life was different. Wishing she could stop forgiving Bill.
But forgiving the only person you allow yourself to love, it becomes a habit, a terrible one. And she knows that, yet she’ll still find herself throwing a glance in his direction, always hoping to see his eyes darting away, and never once has that happened. She had condemned herself to a life of pain, and there was no way out.