Hurricane

October 2005

Another month went by and I was getting impatient with time. But again, before I knew it, it was only a few days before Pete was expected to return home. He had told me earlier today that they had to put the finishing touches on their album and then they’d be on the first plane they could get on back to Chicago.

Since I had written those four lines in my notebook last month, I hadn’t written anything else. I felt slightly disappointed in myself for not being able to come up with more, but I always made myself feel slightly better by telling myself that at least I wrote something. And something was better than nothing.

The next day was the day before Pete would be coming home and he was going to call me at our usual time. I did what I usually did, and sat on the couch with my cell phone waiting for his call. When I had first started waiting for his call, I would get really impatient. Now I was so much better. Sometimes he wouldn’t call right on time, and I had gotten used to it quickly. As I checked the time, I saw that it was going to be one of those days that he would be calling me late. It was 10:05. Our call time was 10.

I stared down expectantly at my phone for a few minutes before sighing. I grabbed the remote and turned the TV on. If I was going to wait, I didn’t really want to think about it. Watching TV helped me stay patient. I found something to watch and focused what was on the screen. Eventually the show ended and when I checked the time, it was 10:30. I felt a slight pang when I saw this. Pete had never called me more than 15 minutes passed our set time. Never. And he had only called me 15 minutes late one time. I checked to make sure I had service, and saw that all the bars were there.

I returned my attention back to the TV, hoping that Pete would be calling any minute. But I wasn’t really watching the TV. I was just staring at it. All I could think of was the fact that Pete hadn’t called yet. As the minutes passed, I could feel this almost desperation start to fill me. I needed Pete to call me. It was what kept me together, and I could feel myself starting to slowly fall apart. I couldn’t stop looking at the clock, glancing at it what felt like every second. When it was 11, I realized that it was kind of silly to be waiting for Pete to call me. Why couldn’t I just call him for once?

I pressed 1 on my phone and pressed send. I remembered Pete telling me that he had put himself as number 1 on speed dial when he gave me the cell phone. I placed the phone to my ear and waited. As I heard each ring, I expected it to suddenly be interrupted and to hear Pete’s voice, apologizing for not calling. But instead, the ringing was interrupted by voice mail. I didn’t listen to what it said and when I heard the beep indicating that I could start leaving a message, I didn’t say anything. A few minutes later, another beep sounded, indicating that I had run out of time for my message. As I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at it, I realized that I was shaking. I hit the end button on my phone before dropping it on the floor.

Pete didn’t call. He didn’t pick up his phone.

I’m sure there was some good explanation for this. There had to be. He knows that I needed our talk. At least, I thought he did. Maybe he didn’t realize that these talks were important to me. But if that was true, then he didn’t really know me.

My vision blurred as my eyes filled with tears. I hadn’t felt this low in a while, and I knew that wasn’t good. It had been a while since I had felt this kind of loneliness, and it hit me hard. I wasn’t sure what to do. I started thinking of anything that could possibly get me to calm down.

Maybe Pete was just busy and didn’t have time to call me. It wouldn’t be his fault.

But he said that he’d call me no matter what. Even if he was in the middle of an important meeting. He said he’d call.

I let out a sob. I shouldn’t be crying right now. I should be happy. Pete was coming back tomorrow. Everything would be okay. But I still couldn’t calm down. I looked around me anxiously. I needed something to distract me. My hand clutched the TV remote. I turned off the TV. It was too loud. But now it was too quiet. My breathing was starting to get heavier and I continued to cry.

I got off of the couch quickly and went to the bathroom. I went straight for the medicine cabinet. There had to be something in there that would help me. Anything. I just needed to calm down and I knew that I couldn’t do it on my own.

I grabbed the first orange bottle I saw and looked at the label. I tried to read what it said, but I couldn’t stop crying long enough to properly read it and before I knew it, I was unscrewing the top off of the bottle. I had a nagging feeling that this wasn’t a good idea, but I couldn’t make myself stop. As it became harder for me to breathe, the more I felt I needed to take the pills. As I poured a few of the pills in my hand, I could distantly hear knocking. Was someone here?

I ignored the sound as I put the pills in my mouth. I turned on the water in the sink and bent down to catch some of it in my mouth. I leaned my head back and swallowed the pills all at once. I wiped at my face, but it was pointless. I couldn’t stop crying. I turned the faucet off and leaned against the sink, my eyes closed as I felt my breathing start to slow. I took a few deep breaths. I could still hear the knocking and I wished that whoever it was would just go away. I wasn’t going to answer the door no matter how much they knocked.

I opened my eyes and took a step away from the sink. But the room started to spin a little, and I shut my eyes for a moment before reopening them slowly. I took cautious steps towards the bathroom door. I placed my hand on the door frame to steady myself. My head was starting to feel fuzzy, and I could feel my eyelids starting to droop. I wasn’t crying any more. All I wanted to do was sleep. I had to stop before I got to the living room and I leaned against the wall.

The knocking had stopped and I was thankful for that. But now I could hear my cell phone ringing. Was that Pete? I perked up and walked as fast as I could to the living room. I dropped to my knees next to my cell phone. It wasn’t ringing anymore. The message on the screen told me that I had 1 missed call. I dropped the phone again as tears threatened to spill again.

A moment later, I heard the knocking again. I stood up quickly. Too quickly. The room started to really spin this time and I wasn’t able to steady myself. I fell to the floor with a loud thud. I groaned before pushing myself up more slowly. I grabbed onto the couch and pulled myself up more slowly this time. I took careful steps as I made my way to the front door. I just wanted whoever was knocking to go away so that I could sleep.

When I reached the door, I opened it quickly. The look of annoyance that I had been wearing on my face just moments before was quickly replaced by shock and joy. And then regret as I remembered what I had done. I felt my eyes watering again and my lips trembled as I said his name. “Pete.”

My eyes were starting to close, and I was finding it so much more difficult to keep them open. I felt myself sway dangerously and then Pete’s arms around me. Then nothing.