Hurricane

“So,” Patty said as I sat down on the couch in her office. “I’ve been hearing that Pete has been a big help for you.”

“Yeah,” I said. It was weird to actually talk to Patty—I never talked to her before and now that I was ‘better’ I felt that talking to her would be the appropriate thing to do.

“It’s nice to hear you talk,” Patty said, smiling at me before writing something down on her notepad. “Now I heard about what happened more recently—you overdosed on some of your father’s prescription medication. Would you like to talk about that?”

“I—um,” I mumbled, looking down at my hands. I was embarrassed now about what had happened. I wish that I hadn’t been so stupid in that moment. “I just over reacted, I guess.”

“How did you over react?” Patty asked, not looking at me as she wrote something down.

“Well, while Pete was away he would call every day, and that day he didn’t call, and I just… I don’t know. I had a moment of doubt which just turned bad,” I said. Patty nodded.

“Do you think there might be some deeper meaning to your over reaction?” Patty asked.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well,” she said. “Maybe you doubted Pete’s true feelings for you.”

I found myself shaking my head.

“I don’t doubt any of Pete’s feelings,” I said forcefully.

“Do you doubt your feelings for Pete?” Patty asked. I looked at her in disbelief.

“No!” I said a bit louder than was necessary. “I love Pete and I don’t doubt that for even a second.”

“Okay,” Patty said calmly. “Let’s talk about something else. Have you thought about pursuing singing again?”

I stared at her for a moment realizing that I hadn’t actually thought of singing. I shook my head slowly.

“Why not?” Patty asked.

“I don’t know,” I said quietly. “It just hadn’t crossed my mind.”

“Do you think you want to try again?” Patty asked. I shook my head again. “Why?”

“I guess…I guess I’m scared that I’ll fail,” I said even more quietly. “And I’m scared that if I fail again, that I’ll try to—that I’ll try to kill myself again or do something else. I just… It’s just failure is the worst feeling I’ve ever felt in my life. Failure just makes me want to give up everything that I have.”

“Why so much focus on failure?” Patty asked.

“Because my parents have pressured me all of my life to work hard and to succeed. All of my life I have succeeded and then when you all of a sudden fail--,” I said. I looked down at my hands. “It hits you harder than you expect.”

“I’m glad that you’re telling me all of this,” Patty said, smiling at me in a motherly way. I liked her better now than I had when I first met her.

There was a knock on the door to Patty’s office.

“Come in,” Patty said loudly. The door opened and Pete stuck his head in and smiled at Patty. “Hello Pete.”

“Hey,” he said. He looked at me before looking back at Patty. “I’m here to get Molly.”

“Good timing,” Patty said. “We just finished.”

I stood up and moved towards Pete.

“Molly?” Patty said. I turned to look back at her. “If you need to talk more, my door is always open.”

I nodded my head.

“Thank you,” I said, giving her a small smile.

“Ready?” Pete asked me.

“Yeah,” I said. “I’m ready.”