Hurricane

January 2006

I started to feel spiteful and I didn’t really like it, but I couldn’t get my emotions under control and I didn’t care if I hurt Pete at this point. I stopped watching Fall Out Boy’s set, normally choosing to take a nap on the bus or showering before going out and getting a few drinks with the guys of Panic!. Pete didn’t usually come with us because he’d either be busy dealing with something or he just wanted to sleep.

Tonight he had said that he might come out, but I didn’t really say anything to him. I could feel myself distancing myself from him, and I didn’t like it. Sure, I was doing it so that he’d know how I felt when I barely got to see him, but it was just hurting me more than before. But I had good faith in that I could get over this hump and by the end of it all, Pete and I would be back to normal.

“Hey Molly. You look good,” Pete said as I stepped off the bus, dressed to go to a club that was just down the street.

“Thanks,” I said, smiling back. Pete grabbed my hand lightly and pulled me toward him before leaning in to kiss me softly.

“I’ve missed you,” he said when he pulled away.

“I’ve missed you too,” I said. He smiled again and I wrapped my arms around him to hug him. He held onto me just as tightly and it was moments like these that I always felt bad for blowing him off in my own ways. “I’m sorry I haven’t been watching you guys lately.”

“It’s fine,” Pete said.

“You two ready?” Brendon asked interrupting us. We pulled apart and I looked over at Brendon, grinning.

“Yes, we’re ready,” I said. Pete kept a hold on my hand as we all started walking to the club. Ryan, Spencer, and Jon were behind us and I could hear them talking to each other. Brendon was walking next to me and telling me about some drink he wanted to try. When he stopped talking, I realized the rest of Fall Out Boy was not with us. “Where’s Patrick, Andy, and Joe?”

“They didn’t feel like going out,” Pete said. I nodded my head.

“That’s a shame,” Brendon said. “Because I have a feeling that tonight’s gonna be a lot of fun.”

“It better be fun,” I said.

“Molly!” Brendon exclaimed, acting shocked. “Have we ever not had fun?”

I laughed.

“You make a good point, Brendon,” I said. “I apologize for questioning the amount of fun we are going to have.”

“Why thank you,” he said. He looked ahead at the buildings that were in our sight. He pointed to the one coming up. “I think that’s where we’re headed.”

We passed the people standing in line waiting to get in and went straight to the bouncer. Brendon talked to him and a minute later we were walking inside, our ears being met by the loud dance music and the smell of sweat and alcohol. I headed straight to the bar with the rest of the guys and grabbed a drink. Pete smiled at me as I took a sip of the cold drink the bartender had just handed to me and I had a feeling this would be an interesting night.

---

It was about 2 hours later, and it was safe to say we were all at least a little tipsy. Pete had his arm around me as he talked to Ryan. I was talking to Brendon. But I didn’t want us all to be talking. For once in my life, I had the urge to dance. So when Brendon and I were done with whatever it was we had been talking about, I turned to Pete and leaned against him. He looked at me and smiled.

“You okay?” he asked loudly over the music. I nodded my head and leaned my face closer to his so he could hear me better.

“Let’s go dance,” I said, pushing my body against his. He chuckled and shook his head.

“Not that I wouldn’t love to,” he started, “but I just don’t dance.”

I pulled my body away from his in annoyance.

“Fine,” I said loudly. It was moments like these that made me feel spiteful. I turned around and grabbed Brendon’s arm. “Let’s go dance.”

Dancing with Brendon was fun. We could just be completely silly and idiotic without caring what other people were thinking. When a song finally came to an end, I grabbed Brendon’s arm to stop him from flailing about.

“I’m going to get another drink,” I said. “I’m thirsty.”

Brendon nodded his head and followed me back to the bar. Pete was still where we had left him but he wasn’t talking to anyone. I stood next to him and as I ordered my drink I felt Pete standing closer to me. I looked at him and was kind of surprised when he didn’t look very happy.

“Are you having fun?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said. “Are you?”

“I was,” he said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I questioned. The bartender set my drink in front of me and I picked it up and drank some of it.

“Are you trying to make me jealous?” Pete asked in reply. I stared at him in disbelief.

“I can’t—No, I’m not trying to make you jealous,” I spat out. “I’m just trying to have fun. It’s not my fault if you want to stay at the bar all night.”

“Are you fucking Brendon?” Pete asked angrily. I looked at him in disbelief, shocked and hurt that he would actually think that. I didn’t know what to say or what to do.

“Hey, Pete, it’s not like that,” I heard Brendon say. I had forgotten that he was there and now he was becoming part of this fight and I didn’t want that.

“Fuck off,” Pete spat, setting his own drink on the bar. He started to head for the entrance.

“I’m gonna go talk to him,” Brendon said. He started to walk away but I stopped him.

“I’ll go talk to him,” I said. “This should stay between me and him.”

Brendon nodded his head and I hurried for the exit. I looked around for Pete when I was outside, temporarily enjoying the cool air on my hot skin. I saw him walking down the side walk back to where the buses were. I ran to catch up with him.

“Pete,” I said. I tried to grab his hand, but he pulled it away from me. “Can we please talk about this?”

He ignored me and continued on.

“Pete!” I said more loudly. “Brendon and I are only friends. I love you!”

He kept walking—kept ignoring me. I could feel my eyes water and I knew it wouldn’t be long till I was crying. If there was one thing I didn’t want to lose in my life, it was Pete. He was what held me together and I wish he would see how much I need him.

We had reached the buses now and I followed him to Fall Out Boy’s bus. I grabbed his arm as he started to open the door.

“Can we please just talk about this?” I asked. He looked at me for a moment.

“I don’t want to talk to you right now,” he said. I felt my hand slip off his arm and as he got on the bus, closing the door behind him I felt the tears I’d been holding back escape and slide down my face.

I couldn’t believe this was happening. Pete had never been this mad at me before—and for no reason. I wiped the tears from my face. Maybe he’d talk to me tomorrow. Everything could be better in the morning.