Hurricane

May 2006

I was still in a state of shock when I returned to Brendon’s and my apartment after the photo shoot. And after greeting me cheerfully, he easily figured something was wrong when I barely gave him a response.

“Are you okay?” he asked. I looked up slightly and my eyes met his.

“Pete kissed me,” I said, not even trying to hide the fact. Brendon blinked a few times.

“Oh,” he finally said. And that was it. I didn’t expect him to say anything more. I hadn’t even expect him to say that much. I mean, what else could he say? There was nothing. “Are you two getting back together?”

Okay, I lied. There was more that he could say, I had just hoped he wouldn’t say it.

“I…I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t think so. I told him that I didn’t want to get back together with him because I didn’t want to get hurt again. He said he understood, then we hugged, and then he just kissed me.”

I walked past Brendon into our living room, vaguely aware that he was watching me closely. I sat on the couch with a sigh. A moment later, I felt Brendon sit beside me. I leaned forward, resting my elbows on top of my thighs and placing my face in my hands.

“Why does he have to do things like this?” I asked. I turned my head to the side to look at Brendon. I felt my eyes filling with tears and I didn’t have a good reason. I whispered, “Why does he have to complicate things?”

Without a word, Brendon reached out for me and pulled me against him. I rested my head in the crook of his neck as a few tears slid down my face. Brendon wiped them away carefully with his free hand; the other hand was stroking my hair gently. He was always so good at comforting me. I felt his lips on my forehead, causing me to shiver slightly.

“Are you cold?” Brendon asked quietly.

“No,” I whispered. I sniffled slightly before getting up off the couch.

“Where are you going?” Brendon questioned. I looked around the apartment trying to think of where it was I could go or do. My mind was just not in the right place at the moment. My eyes landed on my bedroom door.

“I’m gonna go lie down for a little bit,” I said, taking a slow step towards my bedroom. I felt Brendon’s hand grip my hand and I turned to look at him in surprise.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine,” I said, giving him a small smile. I’m just confused about my feelings and I just don’t want to think about it right now, is what I actually wanted to say.

I started towards my bedroom again, feeling Brendon’s hand slip from mine. When I was in my room, I left the door open a little bit. I took off the clothes I had been wearing today and pulled on an oversize t-shirt before crawling into my bed. I stared out of the window of my room. It was so nice out; the sun was shining brightly. It’d be a few hours before it started to get dark, but I didn’t mind. The sunshine cheered me up a bit.

I fell asleep for a bit, and when I woke up, I didn’t feel any better about my situation. I glanced at my window noticing that it was dark out now. I probably wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight now. I stayed in my bed, noticing now that the apartment was silent. Assuming that my door was still cracked open a bit, there were no lights on in the apartment. It must have been late. I felt lonely.

I carefully got out of my bed and made my way to my bedroom door. After I left my room, I paused for a moment so my eyes could adjust to the dark. When I could see a little better, I tiptoed to the door of Brendon’s bedroom door, which I could see was open slightly. I listened for a moment before I finally heard a soft snore. He was sleeping. I could have just went back to my room and try and go back to sleep, but I didn’t feel like being alone right now.

Slowly, I pushed open his door and moved quietly over to his bed. I looked at Brendon for a moment, taking in how peaceful he looked. I began to climb into his bed, carefully sliding under the blanket, but the movement made Brendon wake up.

“Molly?” Brendon asked sleepily.

“Sorry,” I responded quietly. I was lying down now, facing Brendon. His eyes were open now and looking back at mine.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“I just woke up and I didn’t want to be alone,” I said. Brendon didn’t say anything but nodded his head as best as he could to let me know he understood.

We just lay there together silently. My eyes scanned Brendon’s face, and I didn’t care that he could see me doing this. My eyes landed on his lips before quickly darting back up to his eyes. Without even thinking about any possible consequences, I moved forward quickly, catching Brendon’s lips with mine. The kiss started out soft, but quickly escalated, reminiscent of the last kiss we shared. Though, this time, I didn’t stop it. Brendon responded quickly, his tongue pushing its way into my mouth.

In what seemed like an instant Brendon had rolled onto his back, pulling me on top of him without or lips parting for even a second. He had pushed my shirt up and I helped him pull it off, leaving me only in a bra and underwear. I then realized that Brendon was clad only in a pair of boxers. I quickly appreciated the convenience of our choice of clothes for sleeping.

Brendon’s lips were on fire, burning their way down my neck and across my collarbone before flipping us over so that he was now on top. In another swift movement, my bra was removed and Brendon ground his hips against mine eliciting a groan from each of us. Even if I had wanted to stop this, I wouldn’t have been able to. All my willpower was gone. I hadn’t really realized that it had been a while since I had had sex, and this heated moment had me desperately craving this intimate connection.

I found myself tugging at the elastic waistband of Brendon’s boxers, trying to push them down and eliminate the last remaining bit of clothing between us.

As Brendon shuffled around in his bedside table, searching for a condom, I had a moment to think, and I wondered if I was going to regret this in the morning. Brendon’s lips found mine, the condom already in place, and he thrust into me quickly. I realized I didn’t care about regret.