Could Tell a Love

Once we were at the bar, we automatically ordered onion rings, mozzarella sticks and a pitcher of beer.

"God, I haven’t had mozzarella sticks this good in years." I said, my speech slightly slurred after my 6th glass of beer.

"I know, and these onion rings are the shit." Jared said, also slightly drunk.

I started laughing. "You think one of us should slow down on the beer? I mean, we do have to drive back to the hotel."

"Hmm.." Jared said, stroking his chin in thought. I laughed at the face he made.

"You guys need a ride?" I heard a female voice ask. She was dressed in some of the skankiest clothes I’ve ever seen.

"Uhh... no, we’re fine. Thanks for the offer, though." I said, turning away from her and grabbing another mozzarella stick, dipping it in marinara sauce.

I heard her stomp off in what must’ve been stilettos. I looked at Jared and started laughing. "That chick was so desperate!"

"I know!" Jared said, also laughing. I took another chug of beer.

"She’s pretty much the whore of this bar. She’ll get with anyone, and I mean anyone." The bartender said, drying off glass mugs and putting them back on the shelves behind the bar.

"I can see that." I looked around the rest of the bar and saw a pool table that wasn’t in use.

"Hey, Jared, wanna play some pool?" I asked, feeling extremely giddy.

He smiled. "Sure." We got off the bar stools and I smacked his ass as he was walking in front of me. He jumped and looked back at me, smiling in shock.

"You’re frisky when you’re drunk, aren’t you?" He said, chalking his cue stick.

"Hey, could you hand me a cue stick?" I asked, not bothering to answer his question. He knew that answer all too well.

He yanked one off the rack and handed it to me. "Thanks honey." I giggled at my word choice. I almost fell over. Did I really have that much to drink already?

"Whoa, Beau. Maybe you should lay off the beer for tonight, kay? I don’t want you passing out on me." Jared said, holding me steady, giving me the chalk so I could chalk the end of my cue stick.

"Mmmkay..." I said groggily. My mind was fogging up, making everything seem hilarious.

In woke up in my bed, well, the bed, with a killer headache. The sun was blinding my vision more intensely than I remember it ever being.

"Morning, Beau." Jared said.

I looked over at him and it was a lot less painful. "Morning." I said, sitting up. "What the fuck happened last night?"

"You got drunk. Enough said. Here, I got you some aspirin." He handed me a glass of water and two blue pills.

"Mm, these are gonna be my heroin today. I’m gonna need them." I said, taking them and downing the water. Soon after I realized that wasn’t a good idea. I jumped out of bed and ran to the toilet, puking my guts out, along with the water and two aspirin I just took. I fell to the floor and stared at the ceiling. "Hangovers are a bitch." I said.

"I know." Jared said, kneeling down beside me with two more aspirin and some more water. "Now don’t chug the whole glass of water, okay?"

I smiled at him and took the aspirin and only drank a little bit of the water. It seemed to help, but the aspirin needed to kick in sooner. I got off the floor and shuffled back to the bed, crawling under the covers and reaching for my phone. There were 3 more texts added on to the one from yesterday. I decided I needed to check them. The first was from Eric, responding to mine:

no, it’s not. Just plz call.

Oops. I went onto the next one, from Miranda:

Beau, seriously call us.

I started getting worried, and went on to the next one, which was from Matt:

dude, u need to get back home. Somethings up with Eric.

I didn’t bother to look at the last text. I called Miranda first.

"Beau?" I heard her say after the first ring.

"Miranda, what’s wrong?" I asked, concern flooding my voice.

"It’s Eric. He’s really sick. We don’t know what’s wrong with him. He won’t keep any food down and he looks really pale and scary and.." Miranda sniffed. She was obviously crying. "Oh, Beau, we just don’t know."

My mind was racing. "Did you take him to a hospital?" I asked.

"Not yet." She said, sobbing.

"Alright, we’ll be home as soon as possible. In the meantime, get him to a hospital. He might have food poisoning or something worse." I said, getting out of bed and putting my clothes back into my luggage bag. Jared looked at me, concerned.

"Okay, just please hurry. We’re all really worried. I’m scared for him, Beau. I don’t want him to die." She said before going into a complete breakdown.

"Okay, Miranda, just relax. He’s going to be fine. Just get him to a hospital ASAP. We’ll see you soon." I flipped my phone shut and zippered my bag shut. I stood up and sat on the bed.

"What’s wrong, Beau?" Jared asked from behind me.

"Eric’s really sick. They don’t know what it is." I said, feeling like I was about to break down as well. "I told them to take him to a hospital. We have to leave with the next flight, regardless of what anyone says." I stared out the window and felt Jared sit next to me.

"Are you gonna be okay?" He asked, rubbing my back.

I sniffled, letting the tears fall. "I don’t know, Jared. I really don’t." I hugged him, letting myself cry into his shoulder.

"I think we should go before Eric gets worse." Jared whispered into my ear.

I nodded and let go of Jared, wiping the tears off my cheeks.

We got to the airport and we stormed through the crowd to the service counter.

"The next flight for Arizona leaves in 10 minutes." The person at the service counter said.

"Oh thank god. We’ll take that one." Jared said, leading us to the boarding deck. We flashed Trisha our tickets and by the looks on our faces she didn’t want to mess with us. We got into the first class cabin and took our seats. Anxiety and nervousness and fear settled in me for the whole ride there. I was tense the whole trip, neither Jared or I spoke to each other or anyone else on the plane. When we landed we literally ran off the plane towards Jared’s car. Jared did 20 over the whole way there as I broke down in the passenger seat. Imagining Eric in the emergency room again only brought me back to when he got stabbed.

In that memory I realized I wasn’t crying because I loved Eric like I love Jared. I’m not crying because he’s my ex-boyfriend that I still have sexual feelings for.

I’m crying because I love him like Katie. Because he’s still mine. He’s still my son.

We got to the hospital and sprinted into the building. The same building I agreed to take Eric. The receptionist directed us to the room Eric was staying in. We ran and saw Miranda and Matt and Mike sitting in chairs outside the room, below the window that was blocked off by curtains.

"Oh my god, Miranda." I said. She heard me and shot out of the chair, running to hug me. We both broke down in each others arms as I heard Jared and Mike talking about what happened.

"What did the doctor say?" I whispered in her ear.

She sniffed and tried regaining her composure before she spoke. "He’s not sure what it is. He said it looked like food poisoning, but he might also have a severe case of the flu." She hugged me tighter. "I really hope he’s okay." She said into my chest, sobbing even harder.

"Me too, Miranda." I said, also breaking down again.

We heard the doctor open the door. Miranda and I, along with everyone else, looked up. The doctors face was expressionless. He closed the door.

"How is he?" I asked, sounding weak.

"We have to keep him for a few days. He’s got an extreme case of influenza. Thank god you guys brought him in when you did. He could’ve died within a few hours." He said.

"How could he have gotten that sick within a few hours? He seemed completely fine before we left." Jared asked.

"Influenza can come on very suddenly, without warning." The doctor said, digging something out of his pocket. He pulled out a pen and started filling out his clipboard. "Mr. Bokan, how have we been?"

"Been better." I said simply, trying to dry my cheeks the best I can.

"If you guys wanna come back in a few hours, you can come visit him." He said, finishing filling out the board.

"Could I go and see him, by myself?" I asked quietly.

"He’s still extremely contagious, Beau. I’m not permitting anyone to go in there."

"Please. I need to see if he’s really okay, please." I said, almost losing it again.

The doctor sighed, handing me a surgeon’s mask. "Are you sure you wanna risk it?"

I nodded, putting on the mask. "I took him in and basically played his father figure for the past 6 years of his life. I deserve to see him like this." I opened the door only wide enough for myself to fit and shut it quickly. I heard heart monitors and other beeping machines he was connected to. When I got around the curtain and saw him, his face sallow, his eyes slightly darker with sickness. I almost started crying, but I had to show him and myself that I was strong. That I could handle this kind of pain and pressure.

I smiled the best I could and he returned the favor.

"How are you feeling?" I asked quietly.

"Like shit." He said with a raspy voice, coughing a little. "How about you? Did you freak out when you found out?"

"We got on the first plane back here to see you. We were worried about you, I was worried." I felt so mysterious and fake in this mask, like I was hiding something. I was going to take it off, but I decided against it. I didn’t want to end up in the same position as Eric.

I found out that it was no use maintaining my stableness. I went to Eric and hugged him, not expecting him to hug back, seeing how weak he looked, hooked up to all those tubes and machines.

"I love you, Eric." He said in his ear, resting my head on his cold shoulder.

I heard him sigh. I looked at him, not saying a word.

"I’m not gonna take you back, Beau. I’m not gonna do that anymore. I’m with Miranda. Only Miranda. I don’t wanna do the same thing my dad did."

I hugged him tighter. "No, you don’t want to do the same thing your dad did. That’s why you’re my son, Casey’s son, not your dad’s, and that’s how I love you, as my son.

"We may have dated for a few months and loved each other like I love Jared, but it didn’t feel the same. I mean, fucking someone you practically raised since their freshman year in high school? It just never felt...right.

"So that’s why fate lead me back to Jared and you to Miranda. We were never meant to be lovers."

By the time I was done with my speech, Eric was crying into my shoulder. I comforted him until he stopped crying.

"Alright, well, I think you better go. I don’t wanna get you sick."

I smiled a crooked smile and messed up his hair. "You’re tough, kid."

I walked out of the room and straight to the bathrooms to sterilize myself before going back to everyone else.

After washing my hands, arms, and face, I went back into the waiting room where they must’ve all congregated. The first person to meet me is Jared, who gives me a big hug. "So how’s he look?"

I kissed him tenderly. "He’ll be just fine. I know he will. He’s a tough kid." We went back to sit down next to each other.

"So how was your day trip to Hawaii?" Matt asked.

"It was...interesting, to say the least." I said, smiling.

"The hotel room was the shit, as was the car—" Jared said.

"Which I’m gonna have to severely hurt you for, by the way, you and Casey. Where are they anyways?" I asked.

"Casey took Katie for some ice cream. She was having a hard time with the whole situation." Mike said, looking through a car magazine.

"Understandable." Then I remembered the candy in my suitcase in Jared’s car. "Hey, can I borrow your keys?"

"What for?" Jared asked, slowly handing them over.

"I have to get something." I said, taking the keys and kissing him on the cheek before getting up to get by bag of candy.

I can back less than two minutes later with my stash, prepared for what the night brings us. I checked my phone. It was almost 5.

"Dude, candy, I want some!" Miranda said, stealing a few pieces out of my bag of Smarties.

I just smiled and shook my head and didn’t bother arguing with her. I was too exhausted, emotionally and physically. I was really starting to feel the jet lag and the exhaustion of all my worrying. I let my head hit the wall behind be bench.

"You wanna lay down?" Jared asked, getting ready to move.

"You don’t have to move, you’re a good pillow." I curled up in a little ball and rested my head on Jared’s lap, falling asleep within thirty seconds.

I woke up with tears falling down my face, in a bed that was unknown to me. After getting used to the darkness, I realized that it was the spare beds at the hospital. The second bed was completely empty.

I sat up and wiped my tears, realizing that I was really alone.

"Jared? Miranda? Matt?" I called out, getting out of bed, still fully clothed. I opened up the door and I almost fell over.

There was blood everywhere.

Rotting limbs, but they weren’t quite dead...

I started screaming for help, but the scream came out as nothing but a whisper. I disembodied arm came crawling towards me, grabbing my ankle, pulling me to some place I didn’t know.

The fingernails dug into my flesh, making me bleed. My screams were still mere whispers as I tried fighting the hand. It led me to a bloody torso, the head gone. It was in the corner of the room. It’s red hair stuck out but only just with all the blood...

"Beau!" I heard a familiar voice call to me in the distance. I couldn’t scream for them to help. More hands came to me, scratching off my flesh, ripping my arms and legs off slowly. The pain was so unbearable...

Someone was shaking me, and this time there were multiple voices, screaming at me to wake up. My eyes shot open as I screamed. My shaky body was raised from where I was laying and someone’s arms embraced me. Who it was, I didn’t care, I just needed someone to comfort me.

"Shh, shh, it’s okay. You’ll be okay." Jared’s voice softly rang in my ear. "Get some bandages and hydrogen peroxide from one of the nurses." I heard him call to someone. He was stroking my hair, not letting me go.

"There was blood everywhere..they were tearing me apart..." I sobbed into his shoulder.

"It’s all over, Beau. They won’t get you anymore." Jared reassured me.

"They...they got to Eric. We need to check on him." I said, trying to push away from Jared, but he didn’t let me go.

"Eric’s fine. It was just a nightmare. It wasn’t real."

"But the pain was so real...they were tearing my skin off.." I said, going into hysterics.

"You were scratching yourself in your sleep. You cut yourself pretty bad." Jared explained. "We tried waking you up, but you wouldn’t wake up. We were all getting really scared." Jared hugged me tighter and I heard him sniffle a little.

"I tried, but I couldn’t talk. All it came out as was whispers. I felt so defenseless." I said, my words getting more inaudible every time I spoke.

"It’s all over, Beau. Don’t worry. You’re safe now." He told me again in a calming voice as I heard two pairs of footsteps coming into the room.

Miranda and Jared cleaned out the scratches and wrapped them with gauze.

"Did I really scratch myself that bad?" I asked, assessing the covered damage, mainly on my upper arms.

"Yeah, a little." Miranda said, getting on her feet, taking the extra supplies back to the nurse. I looked around the room, seeing Mike asleep in his chair.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"About three in the morning." Jared answered.

"Oh, I’m sorry." I apologized.

"If we wouldn’t have heard you, those scratches could’ve been a lot worse." Jared said, hugging me again.

I yawned. "I guess."

"You need to get some sleep, Beau." Jared said, leading me to the spare room.

"Sleep in there with me, please? I don’t wanna be alone."

He smiled. "Sure."

I smiled, feeling better about this situation. I grabbed his hand, lacing my fingers in his, leaning against him. "You have no idea how much you mean to me."

He smiled and laughed a little. "I think I have an idea."

We went into the spare room and it didn’t look much different than the last time I slept there.

"Want me to lay with you?" He asked quietly.

I nodded and we both crawled into the full sized bed. He scooted close to me and wrapped his arms around me. "Love you."

"Love you." I responded back. Soon after I dozed off into a dreamless, dead sleep.

I woke up, but I didn’t want to. I kept my eyes closed and didn’t move, hoping I’d fall back asleep again. I heard people talking. Medical terms. Probably a nurse and a doctor.

My arms throbbed in pain. I concentrated on sleeping until I heard one of them say Eric’s name. My eyes shot open and I listened intently.

"His fever shot up last night and he started coughing up blood. I think we might need to reevaluate him."

Tears came to my eyes. I wanted to sprint out of the room and ask what was wrong, but Jared was still asleep, his arms still around me.

The first tear fell, then another, and then I started sobbing silently. Not silent enough, though, because Jared yawned and let go of me, stretching. "Beau? What’s the matter? Why are you crying?" He sat up, his face filled with concern.

"I just heard the doctor say that Eric’s getting worse. He was coughing up blood and his fever was high and—" I sobbed. "Oh, Jared, what if he doesn’t make it?"

"Don’t say that, Beau. He’s strong, he’ll make it through." Jared said, hugging me.

"I hope so." I whispered, holding him tightly. "I have to find Miranda. She deserves to know." I got out of bed and went to search for Miranda.

I found her in the waiting room, curled up on the couch. I tapped her shoulder and she woke up slowly. "Beau?" She sat up and rubbed her eyes. "What are you doing here?" She yawned.

"I overheard the doctors talking about Eric." I said quietly, feeling another sob in my chest.

"What did they say?" She asked, a mixture of panic, worry, and excitement in her voice.

I breathed in deeply, trying to keep my composure. "He’s getting worse. They don’t know what’s wrong with him. He’s coughing up blood and his fever is really high." When I was finished, I let the tears fall again.

She gasped and covered her mouth. "Oh, Beau!" She hugged me, crying into my shoulder.

Now I have to be strong.

I have to hope for the best.

My tears dried and I went to find the doctor, ignoring Miranda’s cries calling after me or the throbbing pain that surged through my arms. He was standing outside Eric’s room, filling out another clipboard, mask and gloves on.

"How is he?" I asked. "Is he gonna be okay?"

The doctor said nothing, but when he noticed that I wasn’t leaving he took off his mask, showing a face of sorrow. "As of now, we don’t know, Beau. We have to do a few tests on him."

"I need to see him." I demanded.

"I can’t, not now." He said sternly. "He’s way too contagious-"

"Fuck contagious. I don’t care if I get sick, I need to see him. Now." I yelled, punching the wall.

Before he could protest again, I grabbed a mask and gloves and went in.

The curtain was completely shut now. I went in and was filled with shock.

He was so pale and weak. I held my hand over my mouth. "Oh my god, Eric."

He smiled and coughed. The cough was more severe today. "Don’t I look lovely?"

I laughed, tears falling. "How can you be so happy?"

"I don’t know. I just am, I guess. Maybe you should be, too."

"How can I be— " I argued.

"Mourning over me isn’t gonna make me better, so stop stressing yourself over me." Eric said, coughing some more. This time it was more severe. The door opened suddenly and the doctor came in. He pushed me outside the curtain and I just listened to his horrendous cough. No matter how hard I tried to follow Eric’s advice, I couldn’t help but cry. He sounded so horrible. I heard liquid splatter onto the floor and my heart wrenched. The doctor came out from behind the curtain, hands covered in blood. "You should go, Beau. This is something you don’t need to see." He sighed. "We need to move him to the ICU."

I turned to the wall so he wouldn’t see my sobs.

"I’m sorry, Beau, but this is the only way he has any chance in surviving." I heard him say above more of Eric’s coughing.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I ran out of the room and out of the hospital. I heard my name being called by multiple voices, but I didn’t answer or stop. I just needed to get out of there. Go. I couldn’t deal with it. Not now. Not after so much has happened in such a short time. I ripped off my mask and gloves and threw them on the ground. I started up the street on foot, not knowing where the hell I was going, but I didn’t care.

"Beau!" Jared called after me.

I didn’t turn around, I kept going. I heard Jared running to catch up with me. He slammed me against the wall, but not too hard. "What the fuck are you doing?!" He yelled in my face.

"I just needed to get out of there, Jared. It was too much. I felt like I was going to explode." I said.

"You need to be there! He could die and you wouldn’t be there! What kind of father would you be then, huh?" He yelled some more, making more tears falling down my face. He sighed sharply, looking down at the ground, then back up at me, teary eyed. "He needs you, Beau. We all need you. We need each other. He can get through this, but he needs all the support he can get, and if you’re not there supporting him with us..." He sniffed, getting choked up. "If you’re not there, then he might not be, either."

I looked at the ground, avoiding his stare, knowing he was right. Before I could look up at Jared again, he hugged me tightly, crying. "Beau, I don’t want him to die."

I stroked his hair, tears falling down my face as well. "I know, I don’t either."

"We need to get back there." Jared said, leaning away from my shoulder, giving me a kiss.

I sniffed and half smiled at him. "Yeah, lets go."

We walked back to the hospital, which wasn’t as far as I thought it was, and went to the ICU. We found the rest of the guys there, as well as Miranda, who was hugging Matt.

"Hey, how’s he doing?" Jared asked, sitting next to Mike.

"We don’t know. We haven’t heard anything yet." Matt said.

I sat next to Miranda. "Hey, you gonna be okay?" I asked softly, rubbing her back.

She leaned up from Matt, tear stained cheeks, bloodshot eyes. "I hope so." She hugged me now. "What about you? What the hell was that all about?"

"I just needed to get away." I said simply.

The doors swung open and everyone looked up.

"Does anyone know what’s wrong with him yet?" Mike asked.

The doctor stopped. It was a different doctor than the one before. "He seems to have a severe case of pneumonia and influenza. We have him on oxygen and antibiotics as of now. He should start recovering within a few days."

Imagining the weak, pale, fragile Eric I just saw before on oxygen brought more sadness.

"I suggest that you guys don’t stay here overnight again. I think you all need a good nights sleep." The doctor said, replacing his gloves and going back in through the swinging doors.

It was in that instant that I caught a slight glimpse of Eric.

He looked so helpless.

"Oh my god. Eric. Oh god." I said, hyperventilating, going to hug Miranda.

"It’s okay, Beau. He’s getting better. It looks worse than it actually is. This is helping him." She comforted me.

"I know, I know, I can’t help it." I said quietly.

"Maybe we should go home, Beau." Jared said. "You were right. We just need to get away from this place for a day."

I nodded. "Okay." I got up. "We’ll see you later, guys. Call us if anything goes wrong."

"Will do. See ya." Matt said, waving, along with everyone else.

We walked out of the hospital into the bright Arizona sun. I haven’t even given a thought to what the time might be. I got into the passengers seat and looked at the clock as Jared started up the car. It was already 3:30? How long was I asleep?

The ride there was silent. Neither of us chose to turn on music or talk about anything. There was nothing to talk about. I was just glad to be out of that hospital. The weight of all the death and sadness of that building was slowly being lifted off me and we turned into Jared’s driveway.

We got into the house and cuddled on the couch, watching a corny movie, laughing for the first time in what felt like days. Halfway through the movie we stopped watching and started making out. I don’t know when, but I feel asleep on Jared’s chest and slept the best I’ve ever slept in days.

"Beau! Beau, wake up!" Jared yelled, sounding excited.

I jumped at the sudden noise and yawned. "What time is it?"

"It’s like, 11, but get up! Eric’s doing a lot better! We can go see him today!" He almost screamed. I’m surprised he wasn’t jumping for joy.

I was about to start, though. "Really?! That’s awesome!" I jumped off the couch and kissed Jared fiercely.

"Go get dressed! We need to get down there!" he urged me, pushing me down the hall into my room. I quickly jumped in the shower and got dressed. I barely had time to do much else before Jared yanked me out the door and sped to the hospital.

The reality of all this was just starting to sink in.

Eric is gonna be okay.

He’s alive.

I smiled uncontrollably. "I knew he’d make it. He’s a tough kid."

Jared looked at me and smiled, grabbing my hand tightly.

We burst through the doors and went straight to the room Eric was in before, and there he was, curtain fully opened. He still looked pale and a little sick, but he looked better. I went through the door and automatically hugged him. "Oh my god, Eric, I’m so glad you’re okay." I said, tears falling down my face, but they weren’t tears of sorrow, more rather tears of joy.

He hugged me back, stronger than he was two days ago. He said nothing.

"I thought I was gonna lose you." I whispered. "When all those tubes were in you and..." I stopped mid sentence and didn’t want to go on. "I’m just so happy."

I heard Eric sniffle. I didn’t say anything. I just let him get it all out. I felt someone else standing behind me. I let go of Eric and turned around, seeing Miranda. She was smiling.

I stepped back. "He’s all yours."

6 months later...

All 6 of us emerged from the movie theater, Miranda still wiping her eyes.

"Aww, come on, it wasn’t that sad." Eric said, throwing his arm around Miranda’s waist.

"Yes, it was! If you would’ve paid attention instead of kissing up and down my neck the whole time..." Miranda said, elbowing him softly. "Did anyone else think that it was sad?"

"I walked out half way through and went to that one action movie next door." Matt said. "Which conveniently ended around the same time of your guys’ movie."

"Oh, bitch. What about you, Mike?" Miranda asked.

"I went with." He said, a smile in his voice.

She sighed, getting flustered. "Jared? Beau?"

"What movie?" We both asked, both of us holding each other by the hip.

"Fine. Whatever. It was a good movie. You guys don’t know what you were missing out on." She gave up and got in Matt’s truck.

"Does anyone have directions around Milwaukee?" Mike asked.

"It’s called GPS, dumbass." Jared said, tapping the screen to turn it on. "Please state your destination." The GPS told us.

"Pff. Screw stating the destination." I said, getting to the directions finder and typing in the address to the hotel we were staying at.

"Aww we’re going home already?" Eric asked. "The night is young, and the party is just getting started!"

I laughed and said nothing, snuggling up against Jared’s shoulder. We’ve been on the road for almost 5 months, playing anywhere and everywhere. This was one of our rare nights off where we could do whatever, and it was nice. Relaxing with the people you love, some more than others, was the best feeling in the world, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.