We Never Say Goodbye

Lucy

Hey Lucy I remember your name.
I left a dozen roses
On your grave today
I’m in the grass on my knees
Wipe the leaves away

He kneeled down on the wet grass in front of her headstone, not caring that he could feel the dew seeping through his jeans. He placed the bouquet of roses, her favorite flower, next to it, reaching down and moving the leaves off so he could read it.

Lucille Marie Cooper. September 10th, 1984-August 13th, 2009.

He hadn’t even seen what it looked like until today; he hadn’t mustered up the courage to come out here yet. He was too broken up over what had happened. He was mainly upset that she’s dead because of him. No, he didn’t kill her. Not directly anyway. Maybe it’ll make more sense if I just told you the story…

[Flashback]

He had just gotten back from the jewelry store with a special present for Luca. Her name is really Lucy but she lets him call her Luca. Anyways, he opened the box and looked at the ring inside, getting nervous butterflies in his stomach.

Yes, he was proposing. This was the day he’d been waiting for. He was finally going to ask the love of his life to marry him. He just wished it hadn’t taken so long. After two years of dating, he gave her a promise ring to show her that one day he’d marry her. He kept his promise.

He closed the box and put it back comfortably into his jeans pocket and took a deep breath before digging his phone out of his other pocket and dialing Luca’s number.

“Hello?” Her melodic voice said on the other end. “Hi Luca,” He said nervously. “Hey, what’s up?” she asked happily. “Can…can you come over? I want to show you something.” He answered quietly, mentally slapping himself for being so nervous. “Sure. I’ll be right over.” She replied.

“Great. Just get here as quickly as you can, okay?” He asked. “All right. I’ll see you in a bit then.” She confirmed. “I love you.” He said, unable to contain his smile. “Love you too. Bye.” She said before hanging up.

He shoved his phone back into my pocket and took another deep breath. You can do this.

He couldn’t seem to sit still and ended up pacing back and forth nervously in the living room. He was surprised he hadn’t worn a hole in his rug yet.

Ten minutes became twenty minutes. He was becoming increasingly nervous the more time went on.

After about an hour had went by, he was starting to get worried. The drive only takes twenty-five minutes, so why has it been more than twice that long? Maybe she just got distracted at work before she could leave. He reasoned with himself.

After about an hour and a half, he got the news that would change his life forever. In a bad way.

The doorbell rang, so he quickly ran to answer it, hoping it was Luca. He opened the door and, instead of Luca, there was a police officer. He thought nothing of it at the time; his neighborhood had been having trouble with vandalism lately.

“Hello, Officer.” He said politely. His face had a solemn, almost sympathetic look. ‘Sir, do you know a Lucille Cooper?” the officer asked. “Yes, why?” He asked, the nervous butterflies reappearing. “I think you should come with me, sir.” He said. The man looked at his nametag: Collins.

“Wait, why?” He demanded. “She’s been in an accident. I-” before the officer could even finish the other man pushed past him and the officer followed him out to his car.

As soon as they arrived at the hospital, the officer helped him find the receptionist and the man waited very impatiently for the person in front of him to leave. “Sir, can I help you?” she asked. “Yes, I’m here for Lucille Cooper.” He said, drumming his fingers anxiously on the counter while she typed something on her computer.

“Umm… she’s about to go in for emergency surgery right now, but I could get the surgeon’s nurse to talk to you for a bit.” She offered. “That would be great.” He replied.

“Okay, just follow the police officer, he’ll show you to the waiting room.” she said. He left without even saying thank you and followed the officer into the waiting room. “Am I allowed to know what happened?” He asked him after we were in the room.

“Sit down first.” Officer Collins ordered. The other man obeyed and the officer sat down next to him. “She was in a car accident. A semi truck ran a red light and crashed right into the driver’s side. I’ll just tell you straight out, I have never, in thirteen years as a police officer, seen an accident this bad.” He said. Wow, that’s comforting…The other man thought bitterly.

“How was she when you found her?” He asked, dreading the answer. “She was pretty beat up. She was unconscious and looked like she may have gotten a concussion. She wasn’t bleeding too badly from what we could see, but you never know, there could be internal bleeding.” Collins replied.

“What about the other driver?” He asked. “He walked away with minor injuries: a broken rib and a few scrapes and bruises. Nothing major.” Officer Collins answered.

Just then the man’s parents came in the room. “Hey, how’re you doing?” His mom asked. “I’ll leave you guys alone.” The police officer said, getting up. “Thanks for all your help, Officer Collins.” The man said. He smiled. “You’re welcome.” He replied before leaving me and my parents alone.

He took in a deep, shaky breath, suddenly feeling like he was going to be sick. “You okay kid?” His dad asked. I nodded. “Just not feeling too well.” He admitted.

He heard the door open and his head snapped up so quick he almost gave himself whiplash. The nurse was standing there, a grave expression on her face. He immediately thought the worst.

“They’re just finishing up. Everything went smoothly.” She said, causing the man to heave a sigh of relief. His dad squeezed my shoulder comfortingly.

About twenty minutes later the surgeon came out. “I’m sorry.” He said. Immediately his heart sank. “We lost her.” He said sadly. “No, you’re wrong! You have to save her, you can’t just let her die.” Her boyfriend said with tears filling his eyes. “Son, you need to calm down.” His dad said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “How am I supposed to calm down? They said she was fine. And now she’s dead!”

“We did all we could, sir. Her heart just stopped beating. She lost too much blood and we didn’t get there quickly enough. I’m terribly sorry.” He said.

He went home and sulked the rest of the day. He knows she wouldn’t want him to, but he couldn’t help it.
[End Flashback]

I just came to talk for a while
Got some things
I need to say

“Don’t think I forgot about you, because I didn’t. In fact, I’ve been thinking about you a lot.” He fumbled around with the chain around his neck that held the promise ring he had given her, along with the engagement ring he hadn’t had a chance to give to her.

Now that it’s over
I just wanna hold her
I’d give up all the world to see
That little piece of heaven
Looking back at me
Now that it’s over
I just wanna hold her
I gotta live with the choices I made
And I can’t live with myself today

“I miss you so much. I just want to be able to hold you in my arms again, look into your eyes one more time. I always loved the color of your eyes; as blue and beautiful as the ocean. I’ll never forget the way your lips felt against mine, the way your hand fit perfectly in mine, the way your smile made butterflies appear in my stomach, the way I used to hold you in my arms, or the way we loved each other.

“You’re my one and only; always have been, always will be. I’ll never love another near as much as I love you. And, even though I never got the chance to ask you to marry me, I know you would’ve said yes.

“I hate that I asked you to come over. It was a bad choice on my part. If I’d had any notion that this would’ve happened, I never would have made that call.”

Hey Lucy I remembered your birthday
They said it’d bring some closure
To say your name

About two weeks later he was back at Luca’s grave.

“Hey, happy birthday. You would be twenty-five today. I know you hate it when I mope, so just for today I’ve tried not to.”

“The guys all miss you. Not as much as I do, but close. I think Zeus misses you, too. Every time he brings his tennis ball to me, he looks around, probably looking for you.”

“My parents said that if I came to talk to you more, it might help me come to terms with what happened. I don’t think it’ll help, but I suppose it’s worth a try.” He sighed.

I know I’d do it all different
If I had the chance

“I’m so sorry. I know you’d slap me for saying this, but I feel as if this is my fault. I told you to come over. If I could go back in time, I would change everything I did that day. I would’ve come to you.” He sniffled, wiping away my tears.

But all I got are these roses to give
And they can’t help me make amends

“I brought you more roses since the other ones died. I know it doesn’t make up for what happened, but I know how much you love these.” He placed them next to her headstone. “And I’ll love you till the last rose dies.” He stated, bending down and kissing the headstone before getting up from his knees. He neglected to say that one rose was fake, the rest real.

Three Weeks Later…

Over the past month and a half, he had become depressed. He hardly ate, slept all the time, and hadn’t made it in to work. He would be surprised if he even still had a job.

His parents were worried about him. At first they had seemed convinced that he would be fine, but they were wrong.

He hadn’t been sleeping well and had been prescribed sleeping pills by his doctor. At first he was reluctant to take them; he’d heard many stories where people became addicted to them. But soon, when the tossing and turning and sleepless nights began to take a toll on his body, he started taking them. They worked great, and he slept for a full eight hours every night.

But soon, just as he had feared, he started waking up in the middle of the night again. He started taking more of them, without being told to do so by his doctor, and began sleeping well again.

Then, one night, he was exhausted. He took his pills and went to bed, but he couldn’t fall asleep. He just couldn’t seem to get comfortable in his bed. He sighed in frustration and kicked back the covers, heading down to the kitchen.

He picked up the bottle of sleeping pills and read the label: WARNING: Do not consume more than three tablets in a 24-hour period.

He opened the bottle and dumped out two more pills, setting the bottle down on the counter. He hesitated before popping the pills into his mouth, downing them with a glass of water.

He went back to bed and tried to get some sleep again.

He slept for about three hours until he was awoken with nausea. He swallowed and tried to force the feeling back down, but it didn’t dissipate. He immediately ran to the bathroom and threw up.

He made his way back to bed and laid down, wondering why his stomach felt so bad all of a sudden.

About twenty minutes later, he started tasting blood in his mouth. He stood up and felt extremely dizzy. Stumbling into the bathroom again, he gripped onto the edge of the counter until the dizziness passed.

He stood there for a minute after he realized that he wasn’t sure how you checked for blood. He suddenly felt the urge to cough. Figuring it might be his only opportunity to check for blood, he lowered my head and coughed into the sink. He lifted my head up and looked into the sink.

He got a nervous feeling in my stomach as he looked at the red that was splattered all over the sink. Quickly he washed it out and returned to bed.

He considered calling his doctor, but was far too tired to call now. He just let himself slowly slip away.

The next thing he remembered, he’s walking towards a gate, a gate he’d never seen before in his life. It almost felt as if he was in a dream.

He cautiously walked up to the gate and read the sign: Think wisely before you enter. Once you are in, you don’t come back out.

The warning was enough to make him think about it. Come back from where? He shrugged before walking closer to the gate. It opened on its own, so he glanced around him suspiciously before going through the doorway. He walked along the path, looking at the scenery as he passed.

Here we are
Now you’re in my arms
I never wanted anything so bad

Suddenly, he heard a voice behind him, a voice that had eluded his ears for far too long. No, it can’t be her. She was calling his name. He turned around and was instantaneously staring into the ocean. Only it wasn’t; it was her eyes. He grinned so wide it hurt, and immediately outstretched his arms, having her run into them.

She buried her head into his chest and he held her close. She finally pulled away and looked at him, smiling yet confused at the same time.

Me and Lucy walking hand in hand
Me and Lucy never wanna end
Just another moment in your eyes

“What’re you doing here?” she asked. “Where is here exactly?” He asked cluelessly. She laughed and tugged his hand along with her, urging him to follow her. He did so, obediently falling into step beside her.

“You seriously have no idea where we are?” She broke the silence. “No.” He admitted. “Well, to get here you have to be departed,” she continued when she saw his confused expression. “Dead.” She said. That hit him like a ton of bricks. “S-so I’m…dead?” He asked. “Apparently so.” She replied.

He realized why he was dead. I must’ve taken too many sleeping pills…that means I committed suicide. He suddenly felt guilty for leaving my family, friends and co-workers behind without notice.

“You okay?” Her beautiful voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He looked over at her. “Yeah, I just missed you.” He replied, which was partially true because he had missed her a lot.

Her lips curved into a smile. “I missed you too.” She replied as they started walking again. She turned off the path and led him over to a tree, sitting down under it and pulling him down next to her.

He simply pulled her close to him again and reached at the back of his neck, unclasping the chain from around it. He took the promise ring first. Acting like he was holding her hand, he slid the ring back where it had been for so long. She looked up at him and smiled. “It’s back where it belongs now.” He whispered.

I’ll see you in another life
In heaven
Where we never say goodbye

After a few more minutes, he took her hand again and apprehensively slid the engagement ring onto her other ring finger. She gasped before looking up into his eyes again.

Tears spilled over in her eyes, and he immediately misinterpreted them. “I’m sorry, I thought you wanted this, us.” He whispered quietly, starting to get up. He needed to think alone. She pulled him back down next to her. “Of course I’ll marry you, I love you.” She said the last part quietly, looking down shyly.

He let a small smile pass before tilting her chin up so she was looking into his sage green eyes. “I love you too, so much.” He replied, resting his forehead against hers. He didn’t hesitate one second before pressing his lips against hers.

“I promised you forever, and I meant it.” He whispered once he had pulled away. “So we never have to say goodbye again?” She asked hopefully. He shook his head. “Never.” He replied before kissing her lips again.