Could Tell a Love 2

He looked at me for the first time this whole conversation. "Us? What is that supposed to mean?" He asked.

I sighed. I didn’t want it to have to come to this, because I loved him so, so much. "If you leave the band, you leave everyone. All of us." I said quietly.

I didn’t look at Jared to see his reaction, I was afraid my heart would shatter. He said nothing for a few seconds, then came back quietly. "But Beau, why would you do that?"

His voice shattered my heart anyways. It sounded so weak and wounded. I couldn’t say anything.

I felt him get off the bench. "That is so low, you know that, Beau? Threatening our relationship because I can’t handle being in the band anymore? We could easily still be together even if I quit.." He stopped and started sobbing. He fell to his knees and I felt his finger try to lift my chin so I would look at him. I turned my head away, covering my mouth with my hand, holding in tears, hiding my quivering lips.

"Why, Beau. Why would you destroy what we have?"

That was the last thing he said before he left me on that bench, and that’s when the rain started falling. I brought my knees up to my chest and starred straight out into the parking lot, letting my tears fall, crying silently.

I kept trying to tell myself that it was for the better as I walked to my car, but I couldn’t find reasons why. I could only think of stupid, selfish reasons.

Jared was right. Why did I destroy what we had?

I got to my car, soaked to the bone, and drove home in a daze. Everything inside me was numb: I felt no emotion, no feeling. I felt like my heart was permanently shattered beyond repair. When I walked in the door, my phone was going off. I looked at the caller ID: Eric. I ignored it and threw it on the table, going to change. My phone rang three more times after that. I checked those as well, seeing that they were all from Jared. As well as the last fifteen calls.

It vibrated and rang in the palm of my hand. It was Jared again. I opened it and said nothing.

"Beau? Beau, are you there? Fuck it. I don’t care if you’re there or not, I’m gonna say this anyways. I don’t want to end what we have, I really don’t, but if you’re really that shallow that you can’t accept that we can be together even if I’m not in the band, then I guess we can’t be together. I thought our relationship went deeper than that." I heard him sniffle. "I really did."

There was a pause on the other end as I listened, starting to cry again, not holding in my sobs. "Yeah, I did, too." I said.

More silence. "So is this it, then? Are we over? Finished?" Jared said, sounding a little more composed than me.

I couldn’t bring myself to say yes. "Are you leaving the band?" Was all I could ask.

I heard him sigh a shaky sigh on the other end. "I don’t know, Beau. If you leave me, then I have nothing to look forward to."

"I could talk to Eric for you. Tell him to stop giving you shit." I offered.

"That wouldn’t help the stress." Jared said quietly.

"The hell it wouldn’t. That’s probably where most of the stress lays. If you get that off your shoulders, you’d probably feel so much better."

"Doubt it." He said gruffly.

I sighed sharply. "Do you want me to help you out or not? Or are you so committed to leaving Blessthefall and doing something else with your life?"

"I appreciate your help, Beau, I do, but.." He paused. "I think I just need time away from everything, like a temporary leave."

"Temporary could turn into permanent." I pointed out.

"It could, but we can’t predict anything, now can we."

I didn’t say anything.

"So are we over?" I heard Jared ask.

I didn’t know the answer to this question. I still wanted to be with him, but I was still really angry at him for leaving Blessthefall bass player/screamer-less. Could I go through the day without hugging or kissing Jared or laughing at his lame jokes and cuddling on the couch?

"Could you come over? Like, now?" I asked.

"Sure, I’ll be over soon."

"Kay. I love you." I said, that three letter phrase tugging at my heart strings.

"Love you, too." The other end went dead. I flipped the phone closed and curled up into a little ball on the couch, tucking my head between my legs, crying, trying to decide what in the hell I should do.

I heard the door open and close and I felt pressure on the cushion next to me. "Beau." Jared said quietly. I didn’t look up at him.

"You’re tearing yourself apart over this. You’re a wreck. Stop trying to do something you don’t want to do. I know you don’t want to leave me and lose what we have." He said, putting his arm around me, scooting closer.

I looked up at him. "I know, Jared. But it’s just, I don’t understand how you could leave the band now. Leave us bassist and screamer-less. Basically because of a problem that can be easily fixed."

"It’s more than that. I heard what Eric said about me having to ‘get over it’. That really got to me. It made me feel like he didn’t care about what’s happened to me, just because he had a mom and a younger sister to grow up with..." He said, words getting more inaudible.

I put my arms around him. "He was just saying that. He didn’t mean it. He always says stuff like that when he’s mad."

Jared sighed. "I just don’t know, Beau."

"Stay. Please. The band wouldn’t be the same without you. I wouldn’t be the same without you." I pleaded.

He didn’t say anything.

I leaned away from him and stared straight into his bloodshot, tear filled eyes. "Please?"

Our lips met and more tears fell. Could this be the last? Is he saying goodbye?

We parted and he smiled through his tears. "I’m not going anywhere."

I smiled and kissed him fiercely again. Feelings of joy overwhelmed me. That wasn’t the last kiss Jared would ever give me. I could hear more of his lame jokes.

He’s still mine, and I’m still his.

Those two things never sounded so amazing to me.

"We’re gonna get all this shit worked out, kay? Get everything back to normal. The way it used to be." I said, smiling, cupping his face with my hands, wiping a stray tear from his cheek with my thumb.

He smiled back, nodding. I embraced him tightly. But somewhere, behind all this happiness and relief, I felt that something wasn’t right. All this seemed too good, too perfect. I could feel in my gut that something was going to happen, and it wasn’t going to be good.

I put those thoughts in the back of my mind and focused on the here and now. That was all that mattered. I was probably still worked up over the whole situation, anyways. Everything was going to be okay. Jared was staying, Blessthefall would go on, and so would we.

Jared cut my concentration by kissing me again. Everything else was pushed out of my mind as I concentrated on the feeling of his lips against mine and his hands on my waist.

"I’m sorry for being such a dick." I said between kisses.

He put his finger on my lips, his face millimeters from mine. "Shhh. Don’t talk about that now. Just forget it ever happened." He said in a low voice, sexy and seductive. I could help but kiss him again. The way his tongue explored my mouth always made me want more.

We eventually made it to my bed. This time was much more passionate and amazing than any other time. We almost lost each other again, and by the way things were going now, I’m pretty sure we were both scared and now extremely happy things didn’t crumble apart.

We laid next to each other, both sweaty and breathing heavily. We both looked at each other and smiled. I grabbed Jared’s face. "You’re so amazing."

He smiled and laughed. "You, too."

I don’t know when I dozed off, but I woke up to a bright light coming through my window. I must’ve forgotten to close my shade. I looked away from the window and let my vision get back to normal, seeing little black spots everywhere. The clock read 10 am, though all the dots. I looked toward the window again, going to give Jared a good morning kiss.

But he wasn’t there.

I sat up in shock, and looked at the other side of the bed again.

He was really gone.

I scrambled out of bed and looked everywhere. I noticed a piece of paper on the kitchen table.

I breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe one of the guys called for something and he didn’t want to wake me up. I grabbed the paper and noticed it had tear drops splattered on it. It read:

Beau,

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I really don’t know how to say this, so here it goes. I’ve been planning on leaving the band for a while now. The interest I used to have in it is now lacking in me. You were the only thing to look forward to. The band knows, and they have a new bassist lined up and ready to go. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this sooner, but I knew how heartbroken you’d be, just by how hurt you were yesterday. I’m crying as I write this to you. I truly am sad to be leaving you in this way, but I’ve found a different path I wish to follow. I really want to stay with you, forever and always, but you expressed to me clearly that you didn’t want anything to do with me if I didn’t stay. Yesterday was something special, and I wanted to leave you with the happiest memories of me, even if the bad memories tend to stay longer.

I don’t want you to be sad without me, because I don’t like it when you’re sad. It also makes me sad, and even if I don’t know where you are or what you’re doing, I believe that I will still be able to feel your sadness in my heart, and it would hurt me to know that you weren’t happy.

I’m not trying to say that I will never see you again, but I am saying that you should find someone you can love as much as you love me. I know that may be hard to do, but you’ll get through it. In your words, tough it out. Be strong, I know you can do it. And know I will always love you, even if we never see each other again and even if you do happen to find someone you treasure as much as you treasured me.

I forever love you to bits and pieces,

Jared

Don’t try to call my phone, I had it disconnected. It’s for the best.