I Think I May Be Sorry

“What the fuck are you doing?” Matt stared in my eyes, which caused my heart pound against my ribs. The creek flowed by, the sounds of water trickling along filling the tense silence. Tears continued to stream down my face, and all I could do is stare into his eyes. Anger and sadness darkened his hazel hues. He let his grip on my waist go, and moved his hand up to my face. He slid his thumb across my bruised cheek, wiping a trail of tears away. He kept his stare locked on my eyes, his gaze searching. The way he looked at me made me think he could penetrate my soul, and pull out every memory, every painful night, every breakdown, and pull it into his mind, and rip it apart.

“Raina,” he whispered, and the way he said my name, like it was a fragile infant and he was encasing it with all the love he possessed, gave me the strongest urge to reach my out my hand, and touch his face, just to make sure he was really here. “I asked you a question.”

“Why do you care?” I whispered. I closed my mouth to wait for him to tell me, but he just looked hurt. I opened my mouth to go on, and his stare fell to my parted lips. “I-“ I started, and his eyes snapped back up to mine. He brought his other hand from my wrist, and cradled my face. I shook my head, and cried harder. I closed my eyes, and lowered my head, staring at the blood running down my arm, already drying. Matt pulled my chin up, and stared right back into my eyes. “Matt, I-“ He interrupted me by placing his lips to mine. The cold metal of his lip ring slid across my lips. Something seemed to spark, and warmth filled me. It melted every strand of ice inside of me, dulled the pain that had stung every crevice inside of me.

His hands travelled down to mine, and he pulled my arms around his neck, and then put his hands around my waist. He stood up, and pulled me up with him. He pushed me harder up against the tree, and slid his tongue along my bottom lip. I pulled away. “I’m so sorry,” He said, and dropped his hands and backed away.

My heart was racing, and my mind was spinning. “No, don’t be,” I sniffled. I could feel my face heat up, and I tried to get my breathing to slow down. Matt smirked, and wrapped his arms around me. I hid my face in his chest, and tried not to start crying again. “Why did you do that?” I asked, my voice muffled by his broad chest.

He wound his arms tighter around me when I shivered. “I don’t know. Your lips were right there, and I’ve always wanted to, and it seemed like a good time, and-“

“You’ve always wanted to?” I gasped, and looked up at him. He bit his lip. I wanted to smile, but something inside of me held my face in a stoic emotionless stare.

“Now back to business,” He said. He let me go, and grabbed my wrist. “Why?”

I looked down at my worn-out shoes, and tried to think of a cover up. When nothing came to mind, I considered telling the truth. But, as great as it would feel to get the truth off of my chest, I couldn’t. That just wasn’t possible. So I just shrugged my shoulders, and stared at my shoes like they actually interested me.

“Raina!” Matt said, and the tone of his voice made me cower down, and cover my face. Instantly, I started crying again, and by instinct I fell to the ground. A low growl echoed through the night air, and I looked up at Matt. His face was twisted up into an angry mess.

“What’s happened to you?” He said slowly, his words sliding through his teeth. “We used to be so close, remember? Doesn’t that mean anything to you? You were my best friend. You were like my miniature ray of sunlight. Then, you started pushing me away, and as much as I pushed back, you seemed stronger. What happened?”

I shook my head. “I can’t tell you, “ I whispered.

“Raina!” He screamed, and I flinched.

“Why do you care?” I sobbed, repeating my question from before.

He dropped to his knees, and pulled me in his lap. “Tell me. Now.” He whispered, but his tone was still frightening me. I knew I had to think of something. I couldn’t tell him…
“I don’t know,” I layed my head on his chest, and almost smiled at the familiarity of this.

God, I missed him so much. He had been my everything when we were younger. Then when dad died, mom began to drink, and I became a disappointment… and it had all went downhill from there.

Matt ran his hands through my hair. “Your dad?” He asked, and I simply nodded, happy, for the first time ever, because of a lie.