Status: I'm sorry. I'm sick so whenever i'm better you'll know......
Baby, Just Close Your Eyes
I get lost in the seconds
“Can you please eat my dick?!”
“What?”
“Eat it.” I stared at Slade a second longer before turning back to my laptop. Upon my return I found out we had house visitors. The best kind according to Adam Juwig. Whatever. I was less than entertained when they woke me up with a video camera in my face at four am and John snickering beside me.
“No. I will not suck your junk, Slade.” I said loudly. Pat’s head popped around the corner with a half eaten club sandwich protruding from his mouth.
“That’s John girl, man. That’s not cool.” Slade sighed and hung upside down on the couch. I quickly closed the browser and looked over at him.
“You closed that like it was porn. Wait…was it porn? I’m cool with that.” I laughed and laid the laptop down beside me.
“It wasn’t porn. It was work stuff. Classified and shit.”
“Porn.” Pat and Slade chimed in together. I rolled my eyes.
“Where’s John at? I’m way too bored to be alone.”
“He’s….upstairs? Or, outside checking the mail? I don’t know.” Kennedy said changing the channel. I had completely forgotten he was directly behind me which meant he had seen the email. I cringed and stood up.
“You want to help me find him Kenny?” I asked biting my bottom lip. He dropped the remote beside Slade and stood up.
“Outside first?” I shrugged and linked my arms through his.
“So….How are you?”
“Confused.” I looked up at him quickly.
“I didn’t…I mean. I’m sorry.”
“You’re leaving?”
“Not for awhile and its my dream. I can’t just let my once in a lifetime opportunity just slip away can I?” I asked shamefully hiding my eyes. He was silent. “I’ll be back. You guys can come visit some time? It’ll be great. A new place and new people! I don’t know what to say.”
“Does John know?”
“No. Not yet. I hadn’t fully decided on whether I was going until the trip to New Jersey when I had time to think it over without some new memory of how great you guys are was added to the bank. I’m scared. I love you guys but I’m scared that if I don’t go now then I’ll be up your asses constantly and at some point you’ll all begin to hate me….that is if I survive leaving. It’s exciting and scary. War zones and starving people but I need to go. I want to help.” I said watching my feet move in synch with his.
“I like how I’m always the first to know whatever terrible turmoil that you’re dealing with.” Kennedy said laughing quietly.
“Life decisions are really hard, Kennedy. I don’t like this much confusion in my head!” I whined.
“They’re pretty vital though.” I shrugged and saw John down on the beach, his knees to his chest reading a letter. I waved by to Kennedy and sat down beside John.
“Whatcha reading?”
“A fan letter expressing how excited they are that they get to intern with a boxEIGHT representative in Africa who is rumored to be you. Any truth to this?” I snatched the letter from his hands and scanned the letter. I inwardly groaned and sat the letter down between us.
“Yes. But, I was still thinking it over. I know that what we have can last the year. I didn’t know how to tell you….It’s my dream. I’ve wanted to do this since I was fifteen. You can respect that right?” He surveyed me silently.
“You really want this don’t you?” He asked quietly. The tenderness in his voice almost made me want to tell him I had to stay.
“I do. I’m going to miss you so much. It wasn’t even kind of easy. I was asked a month ago. It has taken me this long to decide.” I said wiping my eyes quickly. John pulled me against his chest rocking back and forth slightly.
“It’s going to be okay. We can get through this right? I mean….all the other guys in a band can do it so why can’t we?”
“They’re states away not countries.” He pouted. I laughed a little.
“I told Kennedy you guys had to come visit.”
“KENNEDY KNOWS?!”
“Yeah. He always knows first. Duh.” I said shoving him playfully.
“That’s not fair!”
“Stop being a baby!” I said leaning my head against his shoulder. He lightly kissed the top of my head.
“You think we’ll really be able to survive a year without each other?” He whispered.
“I hope so.”
The waves crashed on the beach and unsaid words passed between the silence. The truth was we were more scared than either us wanted to admit.
“What?”
“Eat it.” I stared at Slade a second longer before turning back to my laptop. Upon my return I found out we had house visitors. The best kind according to Adam Juwig. Whatever. I was less than entertained when they woke me up with a video camera in my face at four am and John snickering beside me.
“No. I will not suck your junk, Slade.” I said loudly. Pat’s head popped around the corner with a half eaten club sandwich protruding from his mouth.
“That’s John girl, man. That’s not cool.” Slade sighed and hung upside down on the couch. I quickly closed the browser and looked over at him.
“You closed that like it was porn. Wait…was it porn? I’m cool with that.” I laughed and laid the laptop down beside me.
“It wasn’t porn. It was work stuff. Classified and shit.”
“Porn.” Pat and Slade chimed in together. I rolled my eyes.
“Where’s John at? I’m way too bored to be alone.”
“He’s….upstairs? Or, outside checking the mail? I don’t know.” Kennedy said changing the channel. I had completely forgotten he was directly behind me which meant he had seen the email. I cringed and stood up.
“You want to help me find him Kenny?” I asked biting my bottom lip. He dropped the remote beside Slade and stood up.
“Outside first?” I shrugged and linked my arms through his.
“So….How are you?”
“Confused.” I looked up at him quickly.
“I didn’t…I mean. I’m sorry.”
“You’re leaving?”
“Not for awhile and its my dream. I can’t just let my once in a lifetime opportunity just slip away can I?” I asked shamefully hiding my eyes. He was silent. “I’ll be back. You guys can come visit some time? It’ll be great. A new place and new people! I don’t know what to say.”
“Does John know?”
“No. Not yet. I hadn’t fully decided on whether I was going until the trip to New Jersey when I had time to think it over without some new memory of how great you guys are was added to the bank. I’m scared. I love you guys but I’m scared that if I don’t go now then I’ll be up your asses constantly and at some point you’ll all begin to hate me….that is if I survive leaving. It’s exciting and scary. War zones and starving people but I need to go. I want to help.” I said watching my feet move in synch with his.
“I like how I’m always the first to know whatever terrible turmoil that you’re dealing with.” Kennedy said laughing quietly.
“Life decisions are really hard, Kennedy. I don’t like this much confusion in my head!” I whined.
“They’re pretty vital though.” I shrugged and saw John down on the beach, his knees to his chest reading a letter. I waved by to Kennedy and sat down beside John.
“Whatcha reading?”
“A fan letter expressing how excited they are that they get to intern with a boxEIGHT representative in Africa who is rumored to be you. Any truth to this?” I snatched the letter from his hands and scanned the letter. I inwardly groaned and sat the letter down between us.
“Yes. But, I was still thinking it over. I know that what we have can last the year. I didn’t know how to tell you….It’s my dream. I’ve wanted to do this since I was fifteen. You can respect that right?” He surveyed me silently.
“You really want this don’t you?” He asked quietly. The tenderness in his voice almost made me want to tell him I had to stay.
“I do. I’m going to miss you so much. It wasn’t even kind of easy. I was asked a month ago. It has taken me this long to decide.” I said wiping my eyes quickly. John pulled me against his chest rocking back and forth slightly.
“It’s going to be okay. We can get through this right? I mean….all the other guys in a band can do it so why can’t we?”
“They’re states away not countries.” He pouted. I laughed a little.
“I told Kennedy you guys had to come visit.”
“KENNEDY KNOWS?!”
“Yeah. He always knows first. Duh.” I said shoving him playfully.
“That’s not fair!”
“Stop being a baby!” I said leaning my head against his shoulder. He lightly kissed the top of my head.
“You think we’ll really be able to survive a year without each other?” He whispered.
“I hope so.”
The waves crashed on the beach and unsaid words passed between the silence. The truth was we were more scared than either us wanted to admit.