Baby, Just Close Your Eyes

I lifted the steaming cup to my face and breathed in. I hadn’t been able to sleep all night. The house was still silent. No surprise though; they had all been partying until early morning since Nathaniel had gotten here. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with another townie party. They’d gotten home at 3 AM and stumbled into their assorted rooms. Tonight was our party for Emmy and Halvo who were leaving. I was sad. She’d been the only female companionship I had had since tour. It was killing me.

“Morning.” I sat my cup down and turned to meet the blood shot eyes of Nathaniel Wayne.

“Morning, how’s that hang over?” He rubbed his eyes and sat down.

“Not so much hung over as nervous. I‘ve been up all night just like you.” I sat down across from him and cocked my head to the side.

“Nervous?”

“Yeah. My EP is released in a little less than a month. I don’t know that I’ll make it.” He said tracing lines on the table. I placed my hand on top of his.

“You’ll make it. Look at who you are. Nate, you inspired one of the drunken idiots up there to begin this very band that has promoted the shit out of you to the crazy amount of fans they have.”

“Still nervous.” He said pouting. I smiled and shook my head.

“When do you want to get those pictures?” I asked pouring another cup. He looked out the window. The sun was just barely above the border where the ocean met the horizon.

“Whenever they wake up. They mentioned wanting to watch you in action.” I rolled my eyes.

“They watched me all Summer while I pranced around screaming fans who threw shit on stage and threatened to yank my hair out if I got in the way.”

“That rough?”

“Once you get front row at a The Maine show your ass better stay put. That spot will get taken if you so much as move your foot half a inch.” He laughed.

“It really can’t be that bad.” I rolled my eyes. How many shows had this boy been to?

“Whatever you say, bro.”

“How come you don’t sleep like a normal person? A couple hours here, couple of hours there. It’s weird.” I shrugged.

“I’m not sure. It’s a recent thing.”

“Ever think about a doctor?” I shuddered.

“No way. Some lost sleep isn’t bad enough for a doctors visit.”

“You’re hopeless.” Nate said laughing.

“That she is.” Kennedy said ruffling my hair. I leaned away. Despite the two weeks since Jared and I had, had that fight I was still pissed that I had lost the only person I felt comfortable spilling anything to.

“I’ma go get some sleep before that shoot later. Kay?” I said walking upstairs. I knew I wouldn’t sleep but that awkward silence between Kennedy and I was too much to deal with.

“If you poke me with that stick I’ll punch you in the face!” I yelled at Garret who was holding a pointy, sandy stick at me. I’d gotten two pictures out of the hour we had been here that would be okay enough to put with the EP.

“Come on! It’s just a stick! No need for violence, baby!” He said moving closer.

“Someone control this kid!” I whined, stomping my foot. Sand splashed into my boots. I growled.

“Need help?” Emmy asked laughing and holding her hands out.

“I’ll hold it, baby!!” Jared yelled running over.

“Take it!” I shoved the camera into her hands.

“You still haven’t forgiven me?! That was so last Summer!” Jared whined huffing.

“You nearly tossed a $700 camera into the ocean. Something’s can’t be forgiven, baby.” I said sitting down and dumping the sand out of my shoe. The faux fur inside was still coated in sand. It was going to take more than this to get it all out. I slid the other off and re stood. Emmy offered the camera back. “Hold it for a second? I have to go kill Garret.” She laughed and pointed the camera at Halvo. I ducked behind John and peeked around him. Garret was still building a sand castle with Pat.

“Hi?” John was looking down at me amused.

“Let me see your phone really quick.” He slowly pulled it out and handed it to me. I angled it and got the cute shot. “Now I’m going to fuck his world up.” I said running over.

“She says sorry Pat!” John yelled. I put my bare foot right through the top half of Garrets.

“Meanie faces don’t get to play with Pat. Stupid.” I stuck out my tongue.

“Annabelle! What the actual fuck?!” He asked angrily staring up at me. I stepped back.

“I- uh- Sorry, Garret. It was a joke. I didn’t mean for you to get mad!” I stammered out.

“It was going to be a masterpiece!” He said loudly. I cringed away.

“We can re make, Garret! It’ll be better! Don’t yell at her!” Pat said smacking the whole thing down and starting over. The awkward, quiet teenager that was still deeply embedded in me rose to the surface. I stared at the sand unsure of what to do next.

“Annabelle?” John’s hand lightly touched my shoulder. I jerked away.

“I’m going to go set up for the party. House is a mess. Later.”

I was busily loading the dish washer when the back door quietly shut.

“So that’s all my EP gets?” Nathaniel asked leaning against the counter.

“No. I’ll uhm get more sometime tomorrow or tonight. I don’t know. Its really up to you.” I muttered.

“He really hurt your feelings huh?”

“No!” My voice came out squeaky and high pitched instantly giving away the lie.

“You better tell that denial it needs to get better at hiding itself.” He said turning off the sink and pulling me into a hug.

“I don’t want you to leave me here alone too.” I whispered.

“I don’t wanna go either, honey. Why’d you even come with them on their writing adventure?” I shrugged and sat down against the cabinets.

“Jared made it sound magical, like nothing could stop us from falling in love. He’d be perfect prince charming and I’d be the less worked Cinderella. Instead…..everything’s different than what I had imagined.” He crouched down in front of me.

“And who’s making different?” I pointed to myself. “What can you do to make it the perfect story book romance?” I shrugged. “Nothing. Perfect love doesn’t exist, honey.”

“I’m a hopeless romantic. You know what you just did to me?” He laughed.

“It’s true though. In the end every couple in the world is going to be fucked up. You just have to make the best of what you have. Forget the b.s. and love with all your heart. At the end of the day that’s all you’ll ever have.” His feet shifted a little and squeaked against the floor. I cringed at the sound. He mistook it for something else. “Or, don’t believe me. You can’t chase after the unrealistic forever.”

“So, you’re saying that even though I’m scared that I should just throw everything I am into a relationship and hope it doesn’t mess anything up?”

“Yeah. Wait….what? I feel like the subjects changed.”

“No! No, we’re still talking about the same thing. I must have worded it weird.” I said replaying the involuntarily sentence that had fallen from my lips. Where had that even come from?

“Okay, well I want you back outside. It’s not the same without you.” He half sang standing up and offering a hand.

“I really have to finish though! Its still dirty!”

“That sounded pretty dirty.” He said pushing me towards the door. I smacked his arm and opened the door. Maybe the air would help clear my mind.

“Maybe we should get out of here.” Emmy leaned over and yelled. I watched yet another unfamiliar townie sit down on the couch, their drink sloshing dangerously close to spilling on it.

“Maybe. Let’s go. This is such shit. Where is everyone?” We stood in the middle of the hall way where we could see into all the open rooms.

“There’s Kennedy and some chick. Uhm, Garret is on the counter texting someone. John is all over that chick with the blue hair and Pat is….uhm I’m not sure.”

“Where’s Halvo and Jared?” I stood on my tip toes and looked around still not seeing the messy haired red head or Eric. I groaned and shoved through people to get to Garret.

“Hi! What’s up girl?!” He slurred. I shook my head. Now was not the time for a lecture.

“Have you seen Eric or Jared?”

“Halvo passed out an hour ago upstairs. I carried him like a baby!!” He said giggling. He looked ready to pass out himself. I was torn between ending the search for Jared and carrying Garret to bed when I saw the top of Jared’s head just outside the kitchen window.

“You stay here, okay? I’ll be right back and then we’ll wrap this crazy mess up.” I signaled over to Emmy to follow. She joined me seconds later. Anger and fear accumulating in her brown eyes. “Eric passed out about an hour ago. He’s in your room. Garret carried him there like a baby so we’re good.” A small smile lit her features for a second until she saw the top of his head too. We slowly opened the back door. My heart pounded in my chest. I wanted to believe he was out here alone. I wanted to believe that he was a better person. I wanted a lot of things.

Jared was leaning against the house. His back turned to both of us. I could barely make out the sound of a small, chimey laugh around him. He laughed at something the bitch on the other side of him said. I linked my arm through Emmy’s and slowly walked past them both not looking at them. He was too drunk to realize who we were yet. I turned my head just enough to see them. The girl; petite, slutty clothes, and dumb bee hive hair was enough to revolt me but it got worse, her manicured hand was laced through his, another was on his face stroking the stuble he was growing to annoy me.

“We should go.” I said pulling her along. Emmy was quiet beside me.

“We can stay another day. I’ll help you torture him until he cries?” I laughed quietly. Jared was leaning. You know the lean right? One arm raised up on whatever solid surface they can find, their body shifted forwards as is to catch every word you have to say when in reality their going to jump at you the first silence they get. Yeah. The lean.

“No. It’s alright. I’ll deal with it tomorrow. You go to bed. Early flight, remember?” She smiled at me sadly and went inside.

I slid down the porch rail and breathed deeply. I refused to cry over this despite how confused I was. He was the last guy you’d imagine to get overly trashed and hit on another girl. It wasn’t like he was property or anything. I knew that. But there was a difference between talking to a girl and thirty seconds from jumping her bones in the back yard. I looked at the moon and came to the conclusion that I wouldn’t confront him. He could come to me and say sorry. I was done trying to hold onto everything. It was someone else’s turn to control everything.