Obsession

I was never an obsessive person. I didn't have anything to be obsessed about. My life was very normal, very mundane. Good job, good friends, good family, good boyfriend...

Then that 'good boyfriend' decided to break up with me.

I stood on his front porch, feeling like I was about to fall forward onto the concrete. My mouth was dry. My head was spinning. Yet, I didn't cry.

I was barely taking notice of what Josh was saying, just hearing bits and pieces. Until:
"The thing is, Marli...I dunno how to say this without sounding like an asshole, but...you're just too clingy."

I looked up, startled. "Excuse me?"

"I...I..." Josh stammered, and smiled, despite the situation. He was one of those people who smiled when they were nervous. "I just wanted a bit of fun, and you're practically organising our wedding. I caught you looking at that bridal magazine in the newsagent the other day."

I felt myself go red. He wasn't meant to see that.

"Look, Marli, I reckon we should just take a break from all of this."

A break. I wasn't stupid, I knew exactly what he meant. "You mean break up, don't you?" I said blankly.

Josh sighed and nodded. "Yeah, I guess I do mean that. But we can still be friends. If you want to. I don't hate you, Marls-"

I picked up my bag, which I'd dropped on the ground earlier in shock, and threatened him with a perfectly manicured finger. "Don't you dare call me that again."

I turned on my heel and marched down the path towards my car. Josh retreated back into his house. He thought he'd seen the last of me for a while.

He certainly hadn't.

***

As soon as I got home I went to the cupboard and got out a photo album. It was full of photos of me and Josh. Us in Vietnam, us at the footy, us on a night out with our friends...

I went over to the fire and threw every picture into the flames.

Except for the last one. Josh and I at a friend's wedding. I'd been sure we'd been heading down that same path.

He looked so beautiful. Brown, messy hair, blue eyes, killer smile...

That photo was the catalyst. I hadn't cried all day, but I broke into uncontrollable sobs then.

And from then on I always kept that photo with me.

***

I began stalking Josh, although I never thought of it as that. First, I started going to all the places we used to go together, hoping I might bump into him. Once I saw him at a favourite nightclub at ours, sitting and drinking with his mates. I desperately wanted to go over and talk to him, to hear his voice, to reach out and touch him...

I didn't, however. I couldn't. I stood frozen to the spot for about five minutes, staring at him. He saw me out of the corner of his name, but pretended nothing happened. I ran. Out of the club, as fast as I could in heels, down the street, where I finally collapsed onto the pavement. I buried my head in my hands. I wasn't upset or scared now, I was angry. How dare he go out boozing with his mates like nothing had happened? I wanted him back, I needed him back.