Obsession

I was going downhill, fast. I wouldn't go into work for days at a time, and when the boss demanded to know the reason for my absences, I made up some lame excuse about a recurring cold.

Friends and family took a backseat to Josh. So did my appearance - my hair was unkempt, my body unwashed. My nails, instead of perfectly manicured, were now worn down to the skin because I'd been biting them in anxiety. There were permanent bags under my eyes; I'd given up sleeping. I'd given up regular meals, as well - my weight was dropping rapidly.

I sent him countless emails and texts, begging him to take me back. He ignored them at first, probably dismissing them as drunk messages, but I had been stone cold sober when I sent them.

When I started hiding in the rosebush outside his kitchen window, I finally got an email back from him. However, it wasn't exactly what I wanted to read:

Marli, what the hell is this? You're really beginning to freak me out. No, I do not want to get back together with you, and nor do I believe this crap about us being together forever or whatever you believe. I know you've been hiding in my rosebush practically every night, and that's what scares me the most. I said you were clingy, but this is something else...you need help, Marli. I can't say I don't care about you anymore.
But all feelings aside, if I see you spying on me again I will call the police.

I smiled. My smile turned into a sly grin and my grin turned into a manic laugh.

***

When I saw that he'd changed his Facebook status from 'Single' to 'In a Relationship', I completely lost it. I chucked the computer through the window.

My sister Alana had come over. She'd sensed something was wrong and was determined to cheer me up. She'd heard the smash of the glass breaking and rushed into the room. "Marli? Are you alright?"

I stood, trembling with the realisation of what I'd just done. "He's with someone else."
Alana saw the computer lying on the ground outside and her eyes widened in horror. "Oh my God, Marli...this isn't good."

"I know it isn't good," I said, not realising that she meant my state of mind, not Josh's love life. "How dare he move on with another woman? How dare he?"

Alana backed away towards the door. "Marli, you're starting to scare me. Mum and Dad are really worried about you as well. Can't you just...get some help? Counselling, or something. I mean, we'll help you, we'll be there for you, but-"

"I don't need help," I said coolly, cutting Alana off. "What I need is Josh back. As soon as he just realises it, he'll come back, I know it. We're meant to be."

"Oh, stop it," she snapped.

"Okay, fine then," I perched myself on the desk calmly. "Get out. Leave, if you're not going to help me, or at least support me in this."

"What happened to you?" Alana gasped, before getting away from the house as fast as she could. She wasn't game to say anything else.

***

The end came when I was driving home from the shops one rainy night. The trip had been a desperate attempt to find Josh.

Trundling along, amongst the slow traffic, I saw Josh's car. I recognised the number plate; I knew it better than my own. I ran a red light and sped after him. Somebody blared their horn at me, but I didn't listen. Josh. I hadn't seen him in days. I'd follow him, maybe he was going to his new girlfriend's place, I would see her, I would kill her. I wanted nothing more than to put my hands around that bitch's neck and squeeze the life out of her. I looked around my car, seeing if there was anything I could use as a weapon. I regretted not carrying a knife in the glovebox.

Josh pulled over, having recognised my car in the rearview mirror. I pulled over too, and got out. This is it, I thought excitedly. In my mind's eye I could picture a distraught Josh on his knees, begging and pleading to take me back. 'You're right, Marli, I've been so stupid...'

Josh had got out too and was facing me with outstreched arms. He didn't dare come any closer than five meters. "Stay away from me," he warned.

"Josh!" I yelled in delight.

"This is crazy, Marli!" he shouted, above the rain and wind. "This is fucking insane. Get over it. I'm with someone else. You need help. Please, Marli, before you do something else!"

I hadn't heard anything after 'I'm with someone else.' "Who is she?" I screamed manically. "I'll kill her, I swear to God, I'll do it!"

Josh took a few steps back. "You see Marli, this is what I'm talking about. You're not right, you've got a problem. This is really scary, and you know what? I'm gonna call the police." He got out his phone and began to dial.

"No!" I said, digging the crumpled picture of Josh and I out of my pocket. "Look at this, Josh," I said, waving the photo madly. "Look at us. We're so happy. Just come back, Josh. Come back to me."

Josh shook his head at me. He was already speaking to the police. "Yeah, there's this woman, and she's stalking me, she says she wants to kill my girlfriend and I don't know what to do. Yeah," he breathed down the line, "I've got her here."

He hung up and said quietly, "The police are coming."

"No!" I said wildly, looking around for an escape route. Dare I make a run for it? The police would be after me, but I'd be in trouble regardless of what path I chose.

I took a deep breath and ran onto the busy road.

"Marli, they just want to talk!" Josh called after me. Then, as he saw the truck coming towards me, unable to stop, "Marli! Look out!"

However, his call came much too late to save me.