One Day at a Time

Is it possible to still have feelings for someone that you once loved, but are completely over with? For the past couple days since the birthday party, I had been feeling weird. I know better than to tell Jenn that I might still have feelings for Luke. We didn’t talk for almost two weeks because I still had feelings for Erik; I could only imagine how she would react if I told her I still had some kind of feeling towards Luke. It was probably best to keep it to myself.

Jenn sat down on the couch next to me in the student center on campus. I was studying for an exam that was coming up the night in my History of Law class.

“Studying hard, or hardly studying?” She nudged me and pulled her feet up underneath herself.

“I have an exam tonight, so go away please.”

“Well, since you asked so nicely, no. I need to talk to you about something and its kind of important,” she sounded worried. I put my notebook between the pages of my textbook and closed it to save my place before looking up into her eyes. They seemed different.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, keeping eye contact.

“I need to know what’s wrong with you. You’ve been acting weird since the party, and I’m dying to know what happened. You haven’t told me anything.”

I contemplated whether I should tell her that Luke was there or not. This could be a crucial decision, being that she hated Luke and would probably want to kill me for having such “impure thoughts”, as she would say.

“Okay, will you please promise not to get all out of whack and fussy about it?”

“Uh oh,” she sat back on the couch. “It depends on what you’re about to say. Now I’m really worried.”

“Um, I saw someone at the party.”

“And that someone would be…?”

“Luke.”

There was that awkward silence that I encounter so often. Except when Jenn was making it awkward, I knew she was going to burst like a balloon and give me a lecture. But, instead, she only looked at me. Instead, she didn’t yell at me like I thought she would. Instead, she gave me the weirdest response ever.

“Does this mean there is a possibility of you two getting back together?”

“I’m sorry, I think I’m not hearing you clearly. Did you just ask me whether I might be getting back with Luke?”

“Sorry, is that a bad thing? He’s a decent guy.”

“Why? Because he didn’t treat me the way Erik did?” I was furious at her reaction, and she could see it. “Luke is a dwonk.”

“A what?”

I laughed to myself, remembering this one time Joe had used that word to describe someone. Jenn was still confused.

“Never mind. But there’s no way I would get back with Luke. I can’t stand him.”

As I said that, Jenn looked straight past my face to something behind me. I froze, crossing my fingers in my head and hoping that it wasn’t Luke.

“Hey.”

Joe came to sit next to me and I saw Jenn give a smirk.

“I think I’ll give you two some space,” Jenn insisted. “Nice to see you again, Joe.”

“You too,” he smiled. Jenn was walking away before Joe started again. “So, how have you been lately? You seemed pretty shaken up by the other night.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. Me and Luke were pretty serious for a while,” I said, honestly. “I mean, if he had asked me to marry him, I wouldn’t hesitate for even a second to do so.”

I could tell Joe felt uncomfortable about my response to his comment, and I didn’t mean for him to feel so awkward. I just wanted him to know how I felt; I figured I could trust him with that. There was no way I could come back that.

“Oh, well…”

“I’m sorry,” I interrupted, hoping I could explain that I wasn’t trying to sound like a jerk. “I don’t mean to sound like a typical girl that was broken up with. It’s just, me and him had been together for a while and I really thought it was gonna last.”

I felt bad for trying to make up for it, now. I was glad when I looked down at the time on my phone and realized I had my History of Law class in half an hour.

“So, I should probably go. I’ve got class soon,” I began to shove my books into my back pack.

“Mind if I walk with you?” He stood up as he asked it. I nodded my head and we walk out from the student center towards the direction of my class.

“I’m really sorry about that by the way.”

“It’s fine. Sometimes you gotta vent, right?”

“Yeah, true,” I agreed.

We were standing outside of the building when I turned around to face him to say goodbye. Seconds were passing by, and neither of us had said anything. It was like we were two nervous teenagers at a school dance.

“So, I guess I’ll see you later,” I finally said, and started to turn towards the building when he spoke.

“Would you go to dinner with me Friday night?”

My mind took a second to register what he had just asked me. The last time we went out, it seemed to be a huge disaster. The whole “my wallet is bigger than yours” deal was the worst thing I could have ever said, and I didn’t want that to happen all over again. It was way too embarrassing the first time around. Before I could answer, he spoke up again.

“It doesn’t have to be a date or anything; just as friends if you want it to be.”

I love how he was considerate of my feelings.

“Of course,” I smiled. “I’d like that.”

His smile grew bigger; ear to ear.

“I’ll see you Friday night, then.”

“See you then.”

I watched as he walked away before I turned around and squealed in excitement to myself. I wasn’t too sure whether he thought it was a date or just a dinner with a friend, but I wanted it to be a date.

I decided to wait until after my class to tell Jenn because I knew that even though she knew I had an exam, she would keep calling me or sending me text messages to get the full details. A smile stayed plastered on my face as I walked up to my class with people giving me weird looks. I didn’t care though because in just two days, I would be sitting across from Joe.

But, is this ‘like’? Do I just like him? Now I wasn’t sure how to feel. He said it didn’t have to be a date, so technically it wasn’t, was it?