Pink Apartment

There was nothing like Eli's home. It was a mere apartment, yet it had a really comfortable vibe. For those who knew not to step on his toes. Of course, because of my past with Eli, this was proving to be rather difficult. I had to open up to him again. To be the independent bird that flies back home to the group's nest. I had to admit my shame. I had to admit yet another failure.

"You're back."

"Yeah. I am." I said thoughtfully. I walked slowly around. I still felt the glare of every object here. Maybe it was a mistake coming here. It was obvious that neither of us nurtured warm feelings towards one another. We still had a big chunk of ice and wrath between us. Carefully hidden wrath, that is.

"It wasn't a question, Remy." Eli stated in a cold, detached voice. I flinched a little and moved to the bookcase. I traced the golden letters of the titles, also feeling their hard covers. Eli had always been a fan of hard covers. He said that paperback novels were a proof of how cheap a man can be.

He couldn't afford to look poor. He couldn't afford to appear normal. He couldn't afford feelings - much less pity. His judging gaze feel upon my ensemble. I wondered how he let me in. I looked at him- standing there all tall and mighty, in his cashmere sweater and designer pants. I bet even his socks cost a ton of money! I drew in a breath. He looked up.

"Listen, Eli. If this is about what happened, it happened two years ago! You can't possibly be mad at me." I said, running my quivering fingers through my blond locks. He stayed silent.

I began to walk yet again, this time studying the changes he'd made. Pretty silly how I haven't visited him until now. Two years and he lived twenty blocks away from me. But there was more to it. Eli knew it too. He was just to stubborn to know it.

I should've stayed at home. I bet Carmen's over there now. Maybe that's what he wanted all along.

I sighed quietly and sat down on his leather sofa. I tapped my feet on the ground and tried to tear out of my head all the pictures from last night.

This isn't Rupes anymore. Not my Rupes.

"It's not like that, Remy." The tall brown haired boy shot. "You ran away. Ran away from all of us. And for what?! To bring someone else coffee? Shit, Remy! If it was like that then I would've paid you myself!" He shot again, not controlling his anger anymore. I narrowed my eyes and slapped him in one quick movement.

"I'm not a whore. You don't pay me." I stated feverishly. I tucked my blond hair behind my ears. I widened my eyes in curiosity, but let them return to normal. So many feelings were ice cold now..

"Then why, Mi? Why?" He asked and my heart crumbled into tiny little pieces. Two letters represented years and years, most of my childhood actually. The special nickname my old friends had for me. "Would you intentionally give up this world? To never have a moment of peace? To always worry about the bills and the money you've spent?"

I plopped down on the couch. I fumbled with my fingers madly and then, in one swift move, I got back up and looked from his window. Into the busy streets. High end streets. I thought about what I should say next. I made an entire speech on my way here. But somehow, I had a feeling it would not go according to plan. The air here was barely breathable. It held a dangerous element in it. I bit my lip and faced him again.

"This is not real, Eli! It could all fade in one minute! You've got to get that through your thick skull! Selling drugs is not going to help you! You could get arrested and killed in prison. Then what? Were will your friends be? Drinking their morning coffee with just a touch of foam and their always present French chocolates? Do you seriously think they give a damn?" I questioned him. With just the right amount of coldness in my voice and anger, the tension died down a bit. But the alienation between us grew stronger.

"Fuck you, Remy! Who the fuck do you think you are? I'd rather do shit like this than be some grandma's bitch boy." He shot back, getting right in my face. That's when it stopped.

As I looked into his crazed hazel eyes, mine lost all touch of hardness. They softened and I could feel nothing but pity towards this man who was nothing but a prisoner to his extravagant lifestyle. And no one got that better than me. This was one of the main reasons I created Rupes. To have something there, something material that I knew existed. Something to give me strength and to remind me that I could always quit. And pursue my dreams.

The moment I realized that, my heart started aching. Far more that it was before. I realized that the only thing that kept me sane so far now belonged to someone else. It made my blood boil, my hands turn cold and my vision to blur. I was a mess.

"At least I'm free." I stated dreamily and Eli's vision softened almost to a painful one. Sure, I missed the things we used to do, the way we lived, but it was all an illusion.

"I want to make things better, Remy. I do." Eli's childish voice spoke. I nodded my head and he leaned down and put his cheek against mine.

"I do too, Eli. I do too." I said and shut my eyes tight. Nothing but the cinnamon mixed with vanilla scent of the house, and his own D&G aftershave. Rusty scent almost, engulfing me into our dreams. Our hopes.

So we just let go.