Homecoming

“I think what you and Connor have is cute.”

Alex smiles at me from his swing and I push my legs a little harder, the corners of my mouth turning up. We’ve been at the park for about fifteen minutes. Its seven o’clock and a Saturday, turns out Alex is a morning person. I only got up because he forced me. But it’s nice, the trees are in this weird half green half yellow/brown/orange, and the sky is clear.

“Thanks… Sorry he’s being such a dick to you.”

He’s being a dick to everyone. Though yesterday, after the lunch thing, slightly more whiny and pathetic. But I think I like him better that way than a homophobic prick, that is, if he has to not just be himself, the self that was before homecoming.

He’s still sad. Well, actually, I don’t know that because I haven’t talked to him today, yet, but when we talked last night he was. He said his dad tried to half comfort him too, by trash talking Kailie (which is what I wanted to do too after a while), saying she had to high expectations and no one’s perfect and she’s high maintenance and the girl that gave him the hickey is probably better anyways. His dad didn’t pause until noticing he was glaring fire at him, and then he awkwardly stopped and finished with saying he had to go to bed. I held in laughs. It made me mentally question if that’s what his dad told himself when Connor’s mother divorced him.

Alex shrugs, “Stop saying sorry, Nate. I get it, you don’t want me to think he’s a bad person and I don’t. I’m sure you two wouldn’t be best friends if he was.”

I nod.

“I’ve never had a friend like that. What’s it like?”

My forehead scrunches, the corners of my mouth still turned upwards though in thought of Connor and me. “What’s what like?”

“Having that close of a friend.”

“Having someone who’s always there for you, someone you can always talk to, having someone who can brighten your saddest day and seemingly fix everything like magic?” Or having someone so amazing be so close to you, yet so far that you fall in love with them? The latter is quite tragic, actually. But the former, “Nice…is an understatement.”

“On the count of three?” Alex asks.

I look over to him in confusion for a moment before getting it and nodding. He slowly, with childish excitement, starts counting. At three we jump from the swings as far as we can and try to land on our feet, but end up with our sides digging into woodchips. Laughing between our ‘ouch’s’ we roll on the ground of the empty park.

“Race you to the uh…alcove thing?”

“Go!” I shout, running to the same cave-type thing under the playscape. “No fair!” He pouts upon getting to the cave last and comes in.

“Yes, it is. Now what do I get for winning?”

He looks over at me and smirks and cocks an eyebrow. Alex craws over the inch or so to me and, slowly attaches his lips to mines. It speeds up, tongues rubbing against each other, hands on stomach, my body gradually working its way under his. Once he’s fully made it over me, it slows back down. His hands pushing my shirt up, fingertips and weather putting goose bumps on my skin, his lower half between my jeaned legs, slowly rubbing his groin onto mines every few seconds, so slow and frequent that the boners getting painful and my moans are getting too high. Everything’s in slow motion, Alex’s soft lips moving from mines down my cheek to jaw bone to neck; His hands trailing back down my chest once my shirt is to my nipples and going to my pants button. He has to push his body back a little to do this, so his crotch leaves mines and I let out a little whine in disappointment. I hear unzipping, still far too slow; hands on my hips, starting to push down jeans and underwear, lips right under my navel, a gasp escapes my lips…

“HOLD ON, NOW! This is a children’s park! My God, Nate! What the fuck!? WHAT THE FUCK!?”

My eyes fly open at the familiar female voice and lips are ripped from my skin. My eyes are wide in shock for a few moments before they turn into glaring slits. “Well thanks for ruining the moment, Ginger.”

Alex chuckles awkwardly, sitting up, butt resting on his heels as I pull up my pants a little, zip them and pull down my shirt. Ginger silently watches us as we watch her; she lets out a deep breath before falling to her knees and crawling into the small alcove. We move to make room in the small spot. “So…when did this small development happen, why the fuck wasn’t I informed, and…you do know you’re in public right?” Her hands move from around her legs that are pushed into her chest to pick some wood chips from my hair, she looks over at Alex and smiles, “Though I do approve.”

I’m not really fazed with Ginger knowing. She is my second best friend…actually, I think it’s stupid that I didn’t tell her about it in the first place, she already knows about the thing with me and Connor.

“Um, like… Wednesday? So about four days.” Alex answers the first question.

“And already giving blow jobs…” Ginger mutters and shakes her head.

Alex smirks, “Well actually we didn’t even get to it because of you.” Ginger rolls her eyes in response, “And I didn’t know, why?” This time, they both look toward me.

I shrug, “Sorry. I really didn’t think about telling you…it’s only been four days! You would’ve known eventually…”

“You’re giving blow jobs!” Ginger says too loud.

“Shut up! And like he said…we didn’t get to it,” I glare, “We kinda lost track of where we were for a minute…”

Ginger looks Alex over as if it’s the first time she’s seen him. “You’re responsible for turning my boy gay?”

“Unfortunately, he already was before I came along,” he smirks.

She nods before tackling me in a bear hug, “I’m so happy for you!” After planting a big kiss on my cheek she pulls away and we all laugh.

“So what about that scene in cafeteria yesterday?! Amazing! I think Kailie may be my new best friend, if I can get over the fact that her lips have been on that idiot. So is the chick who gave Connor the hickey, when I figure out who she is…” she goes on like she didn’t just discover her best friend is gay and in a relationship with the new kid. I love her even more for it.

I look over to a smiling Alex and feel a tinge of guilt. I like Alex because I’ve finally found someone exactly like Connor. And I’m going to force myself to think he’s better; until I can no longer feel the difference.

X

“Aren’t you just a little too young for my mom…” I narrow my eyes at the boy. He can’t be older than college-aged; average height, average build, golden blond hair but pale skin with familiar stunning deep blue eyes.

“At least she knows how to pick ‘em,” Alex smirks, leaning to the side a little and eyeing the blond.

I playfully shove him before calling, “Mom!”

After a few hours at the park, I decide I should tell Connor’s mom, because she really is like a mom to me and…I know she won’t tell him. Only some kid answers the door…or adult, but young adult.

The older boy just looks at me, trying to see something, it seems. “What? Mom? She can’t be your mom, she-“

A dark haired, blue eyed and shorter woman pushes in the doorway and immediately takes on a surprised face upon seeing me.

“Hi honey,” She glances over to Alex and nods, smiling warmly, before furrowing her eyebrows and looking back at me, “What are you doing here? Connor went to see…”

“Yeah, I know…taking advantage of free time, ‘eh-“

“Wait! You’re Connor’s friend! The one who’s been around since I was in middle school! Uh- hmm,” He looks up, sucking in his bottom lip in thought, before widening his eyes and turning back to my confused stature, “Nate! Right? Nathanial? Natey-bear?” He chuckles.

My forehead wrinkles with my shocked expression. And the quirky blond answers before I can ask- “You don’t remember me? Evan? You know, Connor’s-“

“Older brother?” My mouth drops after finishing the sentence and I look the boy I haven’t seen in about four years over again.

Connor’s mom looks nervous and I wonder if Evan just got here. Why he waited until Connor left to come. Is it really the first time he’s visited in years? Does he visit every time Connor leaves?

“Come in!” Evan says suddenly. He’s happy, bright and cheery, kind of like I sort of remember him, now that I think of it.

Connor’s mother’s mouth gapes, as if she’s about to protest, but I’ve made my way past her before any other words can leave her mouth.

“Want breakfast? Or…brunch, I suppose?” Evan calls from the kitchen he’s went off to. I hear the door click shut before Connor’s mother joins us in the living room.
I look toward Alex and he shakes his head before I reply, “No thanks.”
“Please, sit down,” She offers. And I do, taking that time to momentarily forget the long lost brother in the kitchen to face “mom” as I sit on the black couch and her to the right in the black recliner.

“Mom, this is my boyfriend, Alexander.”

Her mouth immediately drops, her eyes growing, she doesn’t even turn to look at Alex, just freezes at the word boyfriend. A male voice takes the words right out of her mouth, “Oh my God.” We all turn to Evan who seems to have just walked in to her my words with a plate of breakfast in his hands. He starts laughing before anyone moves again. “Are you fucking serious? Connor’s best friend is gay!? You’re not serious!” His expression turns to that of disbelief and he sets his plate down on a tray table, glaring at it, then turning back to us. Alex’s hand feels hot in mines. Not another homophobe.

“Yeah…he’s serious,” Alex replies.

“So you’re the Alexander…Alex that Connor almost got into a fight with because you’re gay…?” Mom says slowly, appearing calmer when I look back to her.

“Now that sounds more like Connor,” Evan says and walks over to sit in the loveseat next to the recliner.

“No it doesn’t…” I mutter.

“Right,” Mom nods.

“Well of course it doesn’t sound like him to his mom! And it probably doesn’t sound like him to you either because he’s so dandy with your homosexuality right?! Fuck that-“
“Evan!” His mother says sternly, “It doesn’t and you know that.”

Evan shakes his head with eyes in slits, muttering something bitterly. He looks back to us and as soon as I open my mouth he starts again, “So how’d he react? Was he completely calm? Was he okay with it? Or is that why you’re visiting while he’s gone…did he end your friendship, call you a fag, spit in your face, and hit you?”

Maybe I don’t really remember Evan; Not completely because we weren’t really friends, we were always in different schools until freshman year, and that’s when Connor stopped talking to him and then Connor’s parents divorced and he got really stressed out and I had to be there for him and couldn’t really focus on anyone else. But I know he was popular, like Connor. He was sweet and charming and bright and happy, like I said, from what I remember, not so…bitter, and scary.

My eyebrows furrow. “He doesn’t know.”

Evan’s face drops. He goes back to being the boy we met at the door and I don’t think he’s really homophobic anymore. I look to Alex who just looks a little confused and freaked out, before looking to Mom.

“I just thought I’d tell you. You’re the third…or forth actually, person to know. I uh…wanted to ask you if you think I should tell him...”

“Don’t tell him,” Evan butts in again and I’m almost annoyed.

“Evan…” Mom says once again.

“Really!” This time he looks genuine. He looks to Alex, “He tried to fight you when you told him you were gay?”

“Well not really. It was when I said that I thought him and Nate were a couple that got him really upset,” Alex answers.

Evan nods, “Yeah, sounds like him; always worried about his ‘reputation’,” he adds air quotes, “that I gave him. Can’t have a gay rumor tainting that,” he rolls his eyes then looks towards me, “I don’t know if nine, ten years of friendship is going to…cause him to change, but fourteen years of brotherhood didn’t.”

By now, mom is just worriedly watching him speak as Alex and I are.

“You’re…” Alex starts and Evan nods.

“Gay? Yup. I didn’t come out for four years. Not until I was a senior. The first person I told was Connor. He freaked out, told our parents. I wasn’t mad at first; I was going to tell them next anyways. I knew my dad was…iffy on gays, but I thought since I was his son that he’d be okay with it. He wasn’t. Rushed into my room right after Connor told him, asked me if it was true I was a fag. When I confirmed, he hit me. Spit on me. Told me to get out,” his eyes start watering as he glares at an unseen thing, “no fag would live under his roof. This is when mom came in. Tries to pull him off me and he pushes her to the floor. This is when I throw my first punch at him. He goes crazy, and right in the middle of our fighting and screaming I see Connor in the door with red eyes. He leaves. I assume to your house,” I think I remember that. Around eight o’clock one day during freshman year, Connor came to my house with red eyes and bawled for an hour before telling me his brother and father got into a little fight. I didn’t think much of it…

“Eventually he gets me out the house. Pushes me on my ass right on the front porch, locks the doors and refused to let mom let me in. I stay with a friend for two weeks. When I come back there’s a moving van out front. I hide until I see that asshole come out the house and get into the moving van. At first I think just he’s leaving, so I get up, then he honks the horn and mom and Connor come out, mom crying and Connor see’s me. He calls me a fucking faggot before getting in the moving van. Robert calls out ‘I hope that fag’s worth it’ then pulls off. Mom had filed for divorce a week before. Connor was going with dad and I’d stay with mom for my last year of high school. In school, Connor ignores me. Acts like I don’t exist, he doesn’t have an older brother. He starts nasty rumors about me fucking guys and having STD’s and getting kicked out the house, says he wants nothing to do with me. I lose a lot of friends just because of that, they believe him, because for almost fourteen years he was my beloved little brother, he wouldn’t lie about me. My grades go down a little, but I still get a scholarship to an out of state college. When I leave, mom moves into this apartment and Connor moves in. I’ve only visited once before, two years ago, while he was visiting Robert. He…he hates me. They both do.”

Tears have already started making small rivers down his cheeks and even mom is crying as he rubs his back and Alex’s eyes even look glazed over. A boy I’m just now noticing comes seemingly out of nowhere and wipes Evan’s tears, hugging him as mom pulls away.
“I just came to finally introduce mom to my fiancé,” Evan smiles through tears and the boy still in his pajamas, looking as if he just woke up, says hi.

I feel hollow, empty, sick. All I wanted was reassurance. That was what I was hoping for. For Connor’s mother to tell me that he’d still see me as his best friend. Not this. Tears blur my vision and I feel Alex around me. I just wanted to know we’d still be best friends.