Homecoming

“I told you to fucking think about it!” I wonder if they can hear Alex’s voice from the office. I hope not. It startles me a little, though, because I never see Alex like this.

“I am fucking thinking about it!” While I try to rival Alex’s tone, I don’t rival his volume because I don’t want my Dad barging in here again.

“No! Fucking Connor isn’t thinking about it,” the only reason the last part of his sentence isn’t shouted, is so he can growl it. I don’t know how to reply, because I’ve known that since it happened last night.

What Alex is referring to is the park. I’m not sure of the real reason that the blackmailer wants us to breakup, if there is a reason, I suppose. It’s not that I don’t think that the person is still ridiculously wrong and crazy, but lately I’ve been thinking that maybe there is a method to their madness. At the park, Alex could tell that I’d started doubting out relationship and while I denied it, because I really don’t want the blackmailer to think that they can just bring him into this- like I’ve said. Because I like Alex, I really do but. But. It’s just that. The fact that I can’t just say I like him and end it at that because of Connor.

But anyways, what he’s talking about is after the text came and he replied that he’s been almost like…fucking sensing that I might’ve, may have, could possibly have the thought of breaking up crossing my mind. He said not to say anything. He said to just think about it. Think about how we’ve…we’ve evolved or some shit.

And I guess it has.

He shakes his head, “I knew you had feelings for Connor. I- I was okay with it, in the beginning, obviously. I knew that you didn’t feel that same way about me that I felt about you but I thought that seeing Connor in a different way sin-since I was there. And I told you think about it so that you’d see how far this has come…or how far I thought it came. But I guess you’re still using me for when Connor turns into a bitch every other day,” he looks at me, disgusted almost, as he says this with narrowed eyes. Although he sounds angry, I know he’s just hurt.

Maybe this sounds like I’m just going after a pity party, but I’m hurt too- that I did that to him. Waking up, I was immediately reminded of what I’d done as Connor’s back curved into my front and his body heat kept me warmer than the thin blankets. My thoughts weren’t regret as much as confused but oddly calm because…because, well, last night.
“I-I..don’t..I d-“
“You cheated on me,” he cuts me off with glassy eyes and clenched teeth. I gasp lowly, just because it sounds worse aloud.

“Alex. I know, I can’t even deny it, I’m not even trying! I just really don’t know what to say! I’m sorry, Alex, I’m really, truly sorry!” It’s like I’m pleading. Without needing a second chance.
He stops as I speak and waits until I get it all out before turning, “You can say that we’re over. But I think you already knew that. Have fun with him but don’t run back when he suddenly regrets it and has another one of his sorry episodes.”

That makes me feel sick. Because I know that it’s a possibility. He shakes his head with the absolute slightest hint of a smirk. Maybe because he knows of this possibility.

“I’m sorry,” I tell him lastly, in close to a whisper. He only responds by slamming the door.
I’m not shocked that this happened. I was planning on telling him, but it’s kind of shocking to really see it all happen. Not that I imagined him being all calm and accepting when I thought about this scenario as I wondered if I should move my arm from Connor’s waist as we sleep on the floor. It’s never been more comfortable.

On the bed, I sit with my head in my hands, trying to go over all over all of this. Or not really. Mostly just thinking about what happens if Connor has one of his moments again. When Connor has one of his moments.

What brings me out of these thoughts is the phone ringing at my desk. But it’s not my phone, it’s Connor’s. I get up to silence it, before seeing ‘Douche’ on the caller ID. I narrow my eyes at it, thinking that it’s another intrusive dare from the blackmailer. I open the text message but quickly realize that it’s not them.

Fuck.you. but I guess nates already doing that because you’ve had him hanging off your dick since I met him. i hope he’s happy now b/c once your bitchy regret kicks in well lets just say I cant wait to see what happens when he gets sick of it. And yeah, I meant it when I said I knew whos been sending you then lovely dares. Fucking with your anxiety yet?

The phone nearly drops at Alex’s words and a thousand questions flood my brain.

I hear the door open and look back slowly.

“You know who the blackmailer is?”