Homecoming

I…I can’t. I won’t. Must…not…be….turned….on-

“Ahnnggg.”

My teeth rake across my bottom lip as they pull themselves open to emit a low, rough, growl of a moan.

Nate’s hand immediately pulls from my crotch. And my head immediately drops to the desk. Moments later, I can feel their eyes on me and Nate chuckles before an entire wave of laughter erupts from the classroom.

“Connor, I know Kailie’s Christian and all so you’re not getting any but…man…” The bell rings right as Nate’s hand slaps my back and the laughter starts to fade and drift into the halls. I groan at the silence and finally lift my head.

“They’ll be talking about this for a week,” I pout at Nate.

He’s got this big smile on his face as if he was anyone else in this class; as if he wasn’t the boy just rubbing me through my jeans until my boner got painful and I nearly bit a whole in my lip before moaning.

These dares are gay.

‘You hypocritical bitch. Fag? FAG!? Are you fucking serious, Connor? you were fucked by your best friend a few days ago! did u forget? i dare nate to make you moan…during class Thursday.’

Yesterday, I got this message twelve times on my new phone. Mystery Sender is getting to me. Mystery Sender is in my head. It seems every time I managed to push it to the back of my thoughts, it was sent again.

Nate’s smile fades and he claps me on the back before getting up and slinging his bag over his shoulder. I don’t blame him for not saying anything. I know if there was anything he could say that would make me feel any less violated, he'd say it.

I’m trying to look calm, but I’m sure I looked half distant half terrified with a bit of shock-horror as my eyes fixate on the board in front of me. My top teeth grind into my bottom lip.

“Connor?” It’s in a sing-voice.

Nate. Best friend. Male.

“Connor?” It’s worried.

“Can’t,” I mutter.

There’s a pause. “Two girls, one cup.”

Boner. Killed.

I swiftly stand and give a low sigh, finally turning to Nate in the doorway of the empty classroom, the slightest smirk hinting at the corner of his mouth.

I really want to shove him right now.

Picking up my bag, I hesitantly walk out of class; Nate beside me, as always.

It wouldn’t prove anything. I feel bad for all this malice lately towards my best friend. I think I forget that he’s in this situation too; that we’re in this together. Lately, I just feel far away from him, even though due to these dares we’ve been a lot closer.

Every time I hear a laugh on our way to Nate’s locker, I assume it’s about me. This may just prove me a very conceited person though, because I actually think the same even when I don’t do something humiliating- meaning anytime before this week.

Then there’s the whole sexuality thing.

Someone calls Nate’s name as we turn a corner and he halts, but I only slow, continuing in route because I want to leave a little sooner and because I recognize that voice.

“Hey, Alex.”

I still haven’t formally apologized to the boy…or even spoken to him really. I don’t feel guilty.
I hear my name called next and by the time I slowly turn to look in that direction, the girl, Kailie, is next to me. I hear Alex and Nate laughing about something behind us. She pecks my lips.

I feel like I’m cheating on her.

“So I hear you were thinking about me last hour,” She grins up at me and I try not to flush as the boys behind me instantly bust in laughter. I try not to flush as my eyes narrow and fist clench.

Her smile disappears and she pushes on her toes to kiss my jaw bone, “Hey, sweetie, nobody cares that much. Nobody will even remember come tomorrow,” The corners of her mouth curve up, “I’m flattered.” I try to smile as I look down at the petite girl and my lips attach to hers. An intense amount of PDA causes the laughter to die down.

“Eww…heterosexual kissing.” I nearly choke on Kailie’s tongue.

Alex is gay.

And it really shouldn’t make me this uncomfortable. I just can’t act normal around him.
She puts her hands on my cheeks after pulling away. “Babe, everything’s fine.”

I want to throw up. And tell her everything is not fine. Because I’m thinking like this. And I’m nervous. And not myself. And I hate it.