Learning How to Swim

I didn’t speak to him for the entire ride home. We had dropped him off at his house, and Dad had made me walk him to the door. He’d told me he was sorry—that he was just trying to protect me—but I had just turned away and walked silently to the car. My father asked if Steven and I would be doing anything tomorrow.

I told him not to hold his breath because some people just weren’t meant to be trusted.

We’d left it at that. I darted up to the steps, taking them two at a time. It reminded me of Steven, but that reminded me of the meth...and Kara. I darted into her bedroom, digging around to see if she had any more hidden. I didn’t know what to expect, but that didn’t matter.

I found her stash of prescription medicine (which she obviously hadn’t been taking), a few razorblades (to my dismay), and a small piece of paper on her bed. Her meth had been tossed in the trashcan, but I dug it out and shoved it into my pocket. The note read:

I’m sorry, Alyssa. I know I’ve probably let you down. I’ve let myself down, too. I just don’t know what to do. Remember the drowning thing? Well, I’ve stopped drowning. Now I’m just stuck at the bottom of the ocean. I think I’ve adapted and finally know how to use my gills. I never expected you to actually save me, and I don’t blame you for not wanting to even try. I guess Mom and Dad probably haven’t told you yet, but they’re not so sure if I should stay at Beckham. They say it’s not helping. They’re looking up different places to send me. I just want you to know that I love you. And even if you don’t love me anymore, I always will. No amount of distance will make me stop.
—Kara

When did they plan on telling me this? I ripped up the note, stashing it in the trashcan and heading into my room. I slammed the door behind me and locked it, turning the radio up as loud as it would go before it would make my ears bleed. I remembered Steven telling me about how his sister getting sent out of state...

That couldn’t happen! I wouldn’t let them ship her off!

I tossed my jacket onto the bed, sitting down beside it. I glanced over and saw the bag of unused meth lying beside me...

If I drowned for long enough, could I earn my gills?

I opened the bag, taking a pinch of the powder out. Taking a deep breath, I checked the door one last time. I shouldn’t do it. I knew better. It had driven my sister to insanity. I should have trusted my first instinct: the stuff is bad for you. But, then again...

Trust in someone breaks you in half. So I couldn’t even trust myself.