Learning How to Swim
Can't, Cannot; Won't, Will Not
I got on the bus the next day and saw Steven watching for me. He smiled softly, and I smiled back. I sat down beside him as if nothing had happened, ignoring the comments about how we got over our fight.
“Hey,” he said, moving his backpack to the floor to give us more room.
“Hey,” I replied, smiling. The bus made a quick turn, and I fell into him, apologizing with a light blush on my cheeks.
“That’s just the adrenaline talking,” he reminded me, smiling.
“I missed your stupid random facts. So, Steven, that was really sweet. I mean, last night when—”
His hand flew over my mouth as he shook his head. “Valentine, that phrase! Do not say that!” I nodded, and he released my mouth.
“You’re so ridiculous.”
“That’s a nicer way of putting things, I suppose.”
I smiled when his hand not-so-subtly fell onto mine. I leaned against his shoulder.
“I missed this. I want to be friends again, or something more, you know? I mean, now we can just go back to the way things were. We can forget this whole mess and move on with our lives. And we can pick up where we left off.” I felt him tense.
“Alyssa…”
“What?” I asked, sitting up straight. “What’s wrong?”
“We can’t.”
“What?”
“We can’t go back to way things were. Alyssa, you broke my heart.” I tried to speak, but he held up a hand. I was going to cry. “I can’t forget what you became. I had to watch as you killed the Alyssa I loved. We can’t go back to the way things were. I just can’t forgive you for everything just like that.”
I bit my lip as it started to tremble. I was on my feet before the bus even stopped. I heard Steven calling after me as I stepped off the bus, but I didn’t turn around or wait. I walked up to Alicia, Rose, Quincy and Vincent. Adam wandered over and snaked an arm around my waist.
“Hey, I’m sorry about what happened the other night. I kind of freaked out. And you kind of did, too. So I forgive you, babe.” He kissed me quickly before talking to our friends.
He had obviously forgotten about the part where I had dumped him; he had obviously forgotten about the part where he had hurt me; he had obviously forgotten about the part when I had told him to leave me alone.
But I didn’t pull away from him. I just stood and talked with them, letting Adam walk me to class when the bell rang.
Why did I do that? Did I have a death wish? Had I lost all of my self-respect? Had I realized that I truly loved Adam and couldn’t leave him?
No. I didn’t; I hadn’t; I would never love a man who hurt me physically or emotionally.
It’s just nice to be wanted.
“Hey,” he said, moving his backpack to the floor to give us more room.
“Hey,” I replied, smiling. The bus made a quick turn, and I fell into him, apologizing with a light blush on my cheeks.
“That’s just the adrenaline talking,” he reminded me, smiling.
“I missed your stupid random facts. So, Steven, that was really sweet. I mean, last night when—”
His hand flew over my mouth as he shook his head. “Valentine, that phrase! Do not say that!” I nodded, and he released my mouth.
“You’re so ridiculous.”
“That’s a nicer way of putting things, I suppose.”
I smiled when his hand not-so-subtly fell onto mine. I leaned against his shoulder.
“I missed this. I want to be friends again, or something more, you know? I mean, now we can just go back to the way things were. We can forget this whole mess and move on with our lives. And we can pick up where we left off.” I felt him tense.
“Alyssa…”
“What?” I asked, sitting up straight. “What’s wrong?”
“We can’t.”
“What?”
“We can’t go back to way things were. Alyssa, you broke my heart.” I tried to speak, but he held up a hand. I was going to cry. “I can’t forget what you became. I had to watch as you killed the Alyssa I loved. We can’t go back to the way things were. I just can’t forgive you for everything just like that.”
I bit my lip as it started to tremble. I was on my feet before the bus even stopped. I heard Steven calling after me as I stepped off the bus, but I didn’t turn around or wait. I walked up to Alicia, Rose, Quincy and Vincent. Adam wandered over and snaked an arm around my waist.
“Hey, I’m sorry about what happened the other night. I kind of freaked out. And you kind of did, too. So I forgive you, babe.” He kissed me quickly before talking to our friends.
He had obviously forgotten about the part where I had dumped him; he had obviously forgotten about the part where he had hurt me; he had obviously forgotten about the part when I had told him to leave me alone.
But I didn’t pull away from him. I just stood and talked with them, letting Adam walk me to class when the bell rang.
Why did I do that? Did I have a death wish? Had I lost all of my self-respect? Had I realized that I truly loved Adam and couldn’t leave him?
No. I didn’t; I hadn’t; I would never love a man who hurt me physically or emotionally.
It’s just nice to be wanted.