Why Should You Care Now?

A week after her uneventful birthday Jordan found herself at work, but her mind was elsewhere. The guys had come and gone after filling out their massage time, but it had barely registered in her mind. The only thought in her mind was Matthew. Everything was reminding her of him. She even dreamt that he was still alive and when she woke up she couldn’t believe how real it felt to see him. At that moment, she wished she could go to dreamland and spend time with him, that way she could touch him again, kiss him and maybe even get the chance to marry him. Just thinking about the wedding that wasn’t going to happen made her want to run and just hide from everything. She wasn’t one of the girls that needed the big expensive wedding; in fact it was quite the opposite. It was going to be on a beach in San Diego with family only and Duke was the one to give her away. All of that was just a dream, until she looked in the back of her closet and she saw the dress she’d never get to wear.

Knowing she would get nothing else done today, she put her folders into her bag and locked up her office before heading outside. Maybe after soaking in a bathtub for a while, she’d be able to concentrate and that way she could get some stuff done before Emmy left to get Joey. As she was walking in the parking structure, she heard someone calling her name, she thought she did, but upon turning around she saw that no one was there. Shaking her head, she got to her car and got in. After she started the car, she took a deep breath and backed out of her space and headed home.

Driving home was a short drive, but it was nice and quiet. Pulling up into the driveway, she saw Emmy was gone. That made her smile, at least now she’d have some privacy while she soaked in the tub. At least for the next hour or so, until Emmy came home with CT and Joey. Tossing the folder on a chair in her room, Jordan opened the door to her closet and her eyes looked at what she needed to see. Taking a deep breath, she grabbed the hanger and brought it out of the closet. Her wedding gown or what was supposed to be her wedding gown. She hadn’t had the heart to take it back. Looking at the dress inside the plastic bag, she couldn’t help let a few tears run down her face. Laying the dress on her bed she walked over to her dresser and grabbed a few tissues and wiped her eyes with them before tossing them into the bin. Never did she think it would be this hard to get over someone. But then again, he was the love of her life, how does one move on from a love that is no longer around? With one last look at the dress she put it back in her closet in the back.

Instead of taking a bath, she opted for a hot shower. The hot water seemed to wash away all the tears she had shed over the course of the week Stepping out of the shower and into her room, she dressed in a pair of black sweats and a red tee with the Chicago Blackhawks logo on it. Pulling her hair up she walked out to the kitchen, Jordan sat down at the kitchen table with her folder of the work she brought home with her. There wasn’t much she could do, but she was almost done when she heard Joey yell her name from the front door. Closing the folder she put it back into her bag and walked to her room and tossed the bag inside before closing it and opening the front door. “Boo!” she smiled at Joey.

“You’re home early today,” Emmy commented. “Did you get fired?”

“No,” Jordan said as she picked Joey up and tossed him onto the couch. “I couldn’t concentrate at work, so I came home and got some stuff done. Not a big deal.”

“Something on your mind?” Emmy asked, setting the car seat that had CT inside on the floor. “Or someone?”

“It’s nothing,” Jordan said blowing it off. “I’m fine.”

“You seem to be in a better mood then you were last night,” Emmy smiled at her. “What changed?”

“We’ll talk about it later,” she smiled at her as Emmy went to answer the phone. “Joey what do you want on your pizza tonight?”

“We habin pizza?”

“Yes we are.” Jordan grinned as she watched Emmy walk away with the phone attached to her ear. She was going to follow her, but CT’s cries stopped her.

“Cans I play in my room until we gets da pizza?” Joey asked, looking at his aunt as she took his brother out of his seat.

“Yeah, go ahead, buddy.”

When Emmy finally came back out of her bedroom, her eyes were red and puffy from the tears she had shed. Jordan was changing CT’s diaper and Joey was in the bathtub playing with his bath toys. When she saw Emmy sit down, without saying anything, Jordan knew something had happened, but what it was had her worried. Picking CT up, she carried him over to his jungle gym that had his toys. It was good for him to be active and when he went in the jungle gym, his legs and arms were always moving. Sitting next to Emmy, Jordan took her hand and waited for Emmy to calm herself down before telling her what was going on.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Mid-afternoon, Jordan found herself outside the locker room. She knocked and waited for someone to let her know if it was safe to enter. Patrick Sharp was the one to answer the knock. He looked concerned after taking in her appearance. She was in a pair of black sweats and a black hoodie with the team logo on the front. Her eyes were puffy and red from last night and her hair was thrown up into a messy bun. Knowing how horrible she looked, Jordan gave him a small smile. “Are you all in there?” she asked.

“You okay?” he asked.

“I’ve had better day,” Jordan admitted as she wiped another tear that had fallen from her eye. “Are the guys in there? It’s kind of important and I don’t have a lot of time.”

Moving aside, Sharpie let her in the locker room where the guys were just sitting and talking. Walking in, she took a few deep breaths as she attempted to control the tears that were making their way to her eyes. Not making eye contact with them, she walked into the center where they all could see her. “I’m gonna make this short as possible,” she said before clearing her throat. “Due to some unseen circumstances, I will be out for the next week and a half. You will have to make your appointments with another member of the staff. I’m sorry if this hurts you guys, but it’s something that can’t be avoided.”

“Where are you going to be?” Patrick Kane asked, looking at her confused.

“I’ll be in Chicago, but I won’t be working.”

“Are you sick?” Brent Seabrook asked.

Jordan shook her head.

“Are you pregnant?” Adam Burish asked.

“No,”

“Then why are you not going to be here?” Kris Versteeg asked.

Wiping the tears that wouldn’t stop, Jordan took a deep breath. “I guys the others didn’t tell you,” she said, swiping a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “I didn’t think this would be so hard.”

“What happened?” Sharpie asked.

“My brother is a Marine. As you could tell with the Marine Sister sticker on my car,” she said, a small smile on her face that wouldn’t reach her eyes. “My sister-in-law got a phone call last night. My brother was killed three days ago. I’m sorry, but I’ve gotta go.”

Without saying another word Jordan briskly walked out of the locker room and once she was out, she broke into a run. When she felt she was far enough away, she slid down the wall and wrapped her arms around her legs and just sat there. No tears were coming, but the emotions were coming on strong. First losing Matthew and now she lost Corbin in the same way. It just wasn’t fair and she knew it. Never had she experienced so much pain, so she did the only thing she knew she could. She left work and went home. She changed into a light blue spaghetti strapped dress with a pair of strappy heels on her feet. Leaving her hair down, she locked up the house, knowing that Emmy had gone up to her mother’s and wouldn’t be back until she the funeral and memorial service. Looking at the clock on the dashboard of her car, it read nine thirty. She didn’t realize that she was in the bathtub that long. It was so worth it though; she was relaxed and ready for the night’s events.

Pulling into a parking space, she got out with her clutch purse and set the car alarm and walked over to the entrance of the bar she had been to a few times and went inside without having to flash her ID. Making her way to the bar, she smiled at the cute bartender that came to get her order. She smiled at him and ordered rum with coke. Drinking wasn’t going to make her forget, or make what happened undone, no what it did for her was make the pain hurt less. At least for a few hours at least she hoped it would.

Time seemed to pass by quicker than she thought, but she did know one thing. She had a hotel room key in her hand. And all she had to do was meet the guy there in ten minutes. This was a night she just needed to let loose and not be the person everyone expected her to be. “Your phone is ringing,” the man whose hotel key she had in her hand after he placed it here stated. “It might be important.”

“I don’t really care right now,” she giggled before leaning over a biting down on his earlobe before placing a kiss under his ear. “All I care about is you and me and making the best of the time we have tonight before I have to get back to the real world, so don’t stop at go keep going again and again and again.”

As she spoke, her hand traveled down to the front of his jeans. He grabbed her hand to stop what she was doing. With a grin on both of their faces, he paid both their tabs. “What about that wait ten minutes?” she asked as she downed another shot. Her fifth one of that night.

“It expired.”

With a grin, she followed him out. “I’ll follow you,” she told him before crashing her lips onto his and yanking at his shirt to bring him closer. “Let’s go.”

Waking up the following morning, Jordan’s head was pounding and she was sore. Placing a hand on her chest, her eyes flew down to her body. She inwardly groaned before looking next to her. Her soft brown eyes caught the familiar brown ones of Jonathan Toews. Not knowing what to say, she ran a hand through her messy hair. Looking back at him as he got out of the bed, she rolled her eyes. If that was how he wanted it to be, then she was fine with that. Grabbing her dress off the floor, she put it on while still covered by a sheet. Glaring at Jonathan as he looked at her while she did so. “It isn’t like I haven’t seen it before.”

“It’ll be your only time, ass!” she yelled at him before chucking the pillow at him. “I have to get out of here.”

“Back to an empty house?”

“Better than to stay here with an empty headed person.”

“That wasn’t what you were saying last night.”

Not bothering to give him the satisfaction of a response, Jordan found all of her stuff and left the room as soon as she could. Jonathan was in the shower, but she didn’t bother to leave a note or anything. It wasn’t like he cared at all. Getting to her car, she got in and headed home as fast as she could without going over the speed limit. Once she got to the house, she took up the whole driveway since no one else would be coming over. Unlocking the door, she walked inside and shut the door before locking it back up. Tossing her clutch bag onto the couch before stripping down and getting into a steamy hot shower. She was in there until the hot water faded to warm and then to cold. At that point, Jordan believed that she had rid herself of the smell of sex and of Jonathan Fucking Toews. The man who single handedly was making her life hell. It was like she couldn’t escape him, he was always there.

After getting dressed, Jordan went to lie down on her bed. But then she looked at the picture on her nightstand. That was when the tears started flowing and it seemed that they didn’t have any intention of stopping. And for once she didn’t care. She didn’t care that she was letting her emotions get the best of her, even if it was the last thing that she wanted to happen. The worst things always seemed to happen in her life. She lost the man she was going to marry and now she lost her only brother. Life was turning out to be a real bitch it seemed.

Not realizing that she fell asleep, Jordan woke up to someone pounding on the front door. Groggily she got out of bed, he wet hair still sticking to the side of her face as she made her way to the door. Looking through the peep hole, she bit her lip before slowly backing away and going back to her room. She wasn’t ready to deal with anyone. No, not today and not tomorrow. It didn’t matter when she would deal with things, she would, but it wasn’t going to be right now. Today wasn’t a good day; it was just as bad as yesterday. Only the pain felt twice as worse than yesterday’s. She didn’t know what do about it or how to get it to stop, because it felt like it wouldn’t ever stop. It wasn’t fair that she had to lose the men in her life; now all she had were her brother’s kids and his wife. It seemed that she was handling things a lot better than she was.

Jordan couldn’t even remember how she even began to move on and stop dwelling from Matthew’s death. She knew there were small reminders everywhere. Especially in the back of her closet and in a velvet case in her underwear drawer, that was where the engagement ring from Matthew was hidden. It wasn’t much of a hiding spot; she had only pulled it out four times since her birthday. Last year it was six, so she was making a bit of progress, well she had been.

What she needed right now, was a drink. Something strong, that would let her forget the pain and just forget everything. Just for awhile. She didn’t need a drinking partner, like she wanted last night. No, that turned out to be one of the worst mistakes she could have maid, so now she would drink alone and remember what it was like not to feel so much pain in a single week. She slowly made her way to the kitchen to get the key to the liquor cabinet that was in the house. On her way there, she saw a picture on the wall. It was Matthew, Duke, and herself holding six month old Joey. Her assumption was right on. Life was a bitch and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it.