Fuzzy Blue Lights

In a collaborative effort, Jamie and Tom managed to lighten the mood and get everyone's attention off of Avery and me. Jamie, the ever so brilliant one, ended up convincing everyone into playing Rock Band. One would think that, they being international stars because they were in a band, these four boys would have no interest in "playing" songs on a video game.

Well, to whoever thought this, you're wrong. Oh so wrong.

...The real sad part is, when challenged, Bill lost to Jamie.

On his own song.

I don't honestly know how it happened, either, but I've got to admit. It was pretty amazing. I would probably be applauding Jamie for this great feat, but I was too busy laughing along with Tom at Bill's reaction to loosing. He was fuming and glaring at the game, and then whirled on us. He started spouting what sounded like angry German at us, which made Tom laugh harder. I didn't know what he was saying, but I laughed harder anyway, in more of a reaction to Tom's rising laughter.

"Don't let the video game get you too down, Bill. We still think you sing better," Jamie cooed with a smirk on his face. Yes, he had to be the one to rub it in. Bill just rolled his eyes, crossed his arms, and sat himself down on the arm of my chair, which I had refused to remove myself from just yet. I looked up at him with my laughing still dying down, and raised an eyebrow.

"Comfy?" I mused. He smirked down at me and slipped off of the arm and into my lap. I felt that weird feeling flame up, but I beat it back down before it could really take hold.

"Now I am," he stated in a coy tone of voice. I rolled my eyes at him but didn't remove him. When I turned to look at Avery, I saw that he had a confused expression on his face. This, in turn, caused me to get a confused expression on my own face.

"So, Candy," he piped up for the first time in a while, "who are these four guys that you brought with you?" When I opened my mouth to answer, Bill thought it more appropriate that he introduce the band. To be sure that I didn't interrupt, which he had learned that I was prone to do, he put a hand to my mouth.

"My name is Bill. Over there is Georg, Gustav, and my brother Tom," he pointed them out as he listed off their names. Avery nodded once. After they had been introduced, they all went back to playing Jamie's game, though Jamie himself decided to drop out and come join in on our conversation. "I'm her client."

Avery took a moment to think about that. I knew that he was fighting to keep a smile off of his face. Knowing him, he was probably thinking something horrible about Bill- after all, he knew what my business was. Or, what it used to be. Since I would constantly complain about the models to Maja, I had no doubt that she passed that on to Jamie, who would no doubt had told Avery. Rather than have him mention or ask that question that I knew he was going to ask any moment now, removed Bill's hand from my mouth.

"He's not a model," I informed. Avery blinked, tilted his head in confusion, and raised an eyebrow all at once.

"She doesn't work for the Agency anymore. Instead, she's going to be traveling around the world, just about, so that the one in her lap can look pretty while on stage," Jamie cut in rather sourly. Yeah, I knew he was jealous. Of course he would be! He didn't like dealing with models that much either. Most of the people that I knew only worked at that job because of the massive amounts of benefits that usually rides right along with.

"Travel the world?" Avery inquired in a perplexed manor. Leave it to the American moron to not know anything of Tokio Hotel. Well, I guess it's a good thing that he doesn't.

"Wherever there are a mass of fans, these guys try to be there," I informed and looked at Bill for confirmation. He nodded and smiled in a content sort of way. Whatever could be going through his head at that moment, I don't think I would want to know. When I looked back at Avery, I saw that sort of hopeful look in his eyes. I sighed, knowing what he was thinking.

"Where--"

"The closest the tour will take us to home is D.C." I saw Avery's face fall a bit. Bill saw this too and looked sadly back and forth at the both of us. Then, a determined look set into his face as he stared directly behind him at me.

"Don't worry, Avery. I'll make sure she goes home every break that she gets," he assured, still looking at me. I think that he figured out all on his own that I had most likely been hiding in Germany with Maja, and that had been my plan to continue to do as such. I don't think he liked the fact that I had been avoiding my closest friends on purpose for so long.

...But, hey, I never would have expected him to understand. He doesn't even know the whole story yet, anyway, and for the sake of my job I planned to keep it that way.

"I'm going to hold you to that, if you don't mind."

Bill and Avery held this long stare contest for a moment or two. I'm not sure if I was seeing this all right, but it almost looked as if they were each giving each other that sort of man-stare to see which one would back down first. Why, I have had no idea.

"Well, as much fun as it has been meeting you all, I think we'd better wrap this up here. I've got work very, very early tomorrow, and Avery has a plane to catch," Jamie randomly decided to inform us. The guys stopped their game and stared at him. On realizing that he was kindly telling us to get the hell out of his house and head back to the hotel, a collective sigh went through the room. Bill finally removed himself from my lap and walked over to Jamie.

"Thank you for letting us hide out here for a little while, Jamie," I heard him say, but I wasn't paying any attention. Gustav and Tom were standing around Jamie like Bill was, but Geog was already headed out. Avery took this as his moment to approach me and actually talk semi-privately. He lead me out of the living room to wait by the front door for a little.

"I... I know you probably didn't want to see me so soon just yet, and I'm sorry Jamie just about forced us into seeing each other again, but I won't lie to you when I say I'm sort of glad that he did," he gushed out in a hurried manor. He was probably expecting me to explode on him. And I would have, had I been the person he remembered me to be. It took more than that for me to just go off on someone, unless you were a pompous model who thinks that you should be treated as a god, or something.

...Off topic entirely, I know.

"Yeah, I'm sort of glad too. I had been afraid that you would hate me because, you know..." I trailed off and looked at the ground. Avery just smiled sadly at me and pulled me into a close hug. I let my chin rest on his shoulder as I loosely hugged him back.

"It would take a lot for me to hate you. A lot more than just leaving, I can tell you that much," he assured. He let go of me when we heard the sound of feet walking toward us. He kissed my forehead and walked outside. I waited for the guys to pass me so that I could say goodbye to Jamie.

"Hey, Jamie..."

"Yess'm?"

"Thanks."

"No problem, Candy." I smiled at Jamie and gave him a tight hug before running out of the house. Avery had disappeared by now, and the guys were all already in the car, waiting for me. I ran down the walkway and hopped into the rented vehicle. Bill made me climb around him to sit in between him and Gustav again, but I didn't complain. So long as we got back to the hotel in one piece, I was fine.

Yeah, I still didn't trust Tom behind the wheel. Sue me.

I found myself still awake at four in the morning. Sleep just didn't want to be my friend anymore. I knew I would regret not getting to sleep, considering that I would have to be awake for the concert later, too. Sure, I didn't have to preform, but it was always better that I wasn't half asleep when I started to do Bill's makeup. Something like that could get me fired, after all.

I got up from my bed and walked around my hotel room. I felt like shit, and my mind kept wandering everywhere and anywhere. I knew I wouldn't be able to get to sleep until I resolved this thing that was bothering me. I began pacing in the living room area of the hotel room and rubbed the side of my temples. This should be so simple, so easy. Why wasn't the answer coming to me?

...Well, perhaps it was because I didn't know what was bothering me, just that there was something there.

I nearly yelled in frustration and had a sudden urge to punch the wall, but refused because that would draw attention to myself and likely wake up one of the guys, who needed more sleep than I. Rather, I picked up one of the couch cushions and threw it. It harmlessly hit the wall with a barely audible thud and fell to the ground. The sensation to make my fist and the wall close friends only got stronger. I felt twitchy and agitated, and I didn't know why. I curled and uncurled my fingers, straining not to do what I desperately wanted to do just to get some of this anger relieved.

As I walked to go pick up the couch cushion, I started to think about Avery and the good old times back home. What started as all of the good memories quickly flashed into all of the bad ones, the main reasons why I had left in the first place. In my head I could almost see myself now and myself then standing side by side. The me now had a smile, baggy clothes, and a gentle appearance about me. The me from then had a sneer and a glare, tight fitting scene clothes of random and abstract colors, and looked about ready to beat something to death.

...Which I had nearly done, once.

With an quick intake of breath, I dropped the cushion on the couch in its proper position. The sudden realization left a painful grip that actually physically hurt. The closer I got to my old friends and back home, the more I became what I had set out to change from. And I didn't want that. I would do anything to not become that violent monster again. I did give all that I could to change, or at least I thought I had. I looked down at my hands that so direly wanted to fly out at a wall just a few moments prior in shock and just a bit of horror, and I realized what had been bothering me enough to prevent sleep.

I had a choice; continue as I was and leave my old life behind, as I had for the past three years, or go back and potentially throw away three whole years of effort put into changing myself. On one hand I had to forget my friends and family just about, but on the other I would slip back into something that I knew I wouldn't ever be able to live with myself as and I would just be hurting the very same people I desired so much to be with again.

...Was I really so selfish that I could choose to go down either path?