Alive Again

Reese was moving mechanically around the kitchen, placing the recently purchased food in their designated places while John watched her. He had offered to help, but Reese was independent and waved him off.

“If anyone should be helping, it’s Clary,” she would say. So he sat at the dining room table, squeezed into the area behind the counter, and watched her. He had his bag sitting next to him on the chair, but couldn’t bring himself to take out any of his homework. Her movements were hypnotic, and when she reached to put something up high, he could see the shine of her navel piercing.

He had heard all about Clary’s bellybutton piercing, but never knew that Reese had one. He had run into her at the beach during summer, how had he managed to miss that? John would admit to admiring Reese thoroughly that day, it was so uncommon to find her so exposed. He hadn’t been the only guy at the beach to notice her either, and he made it his personal mission to glare at them on her behalf.

“So, what do we have to do?” Reese asked, wanting to get the assignment over with. She had her back to John and was putting away the cereal. She heard him unzipping his backpack and the rustling of papers. For a while, that was all that could be heard: the crinkling of plastic bags, thuds of cans being stacked, and John rifling through his bag.

“We have to pick a novel to read together, one that we’ve never studied before in English. The first step is to choose three novels for approval and then to read them and do one or more character analysis, discuss a literary device the author uses, blah, blah, blah,” John recited. Reese smiled at his lack of enthusiasm. She had a feeling that he had picked her as his partner for a reason.

“Well, it’s going to be hard for Reese to find a novel she’s never read before.” Clary entered the kitchen and the conversation. Reese clenched her teeth and threw a can into the cupboard with excess force. Of course she couldn’t expect her sister to stay away when there was a boy in the house. Even if that boy was just John, a boy that Clary should be used to having around. He was the only friend of Reese’s that ever dropped by, even if it was just to say hi while he was on his way somewhere else. He would invite her to join him, but she would decline because she’d be in the middle of something.

“It doesn’t say that we can’t have read the book before, just that we’ve never studied it for English,” John explained, patient as ever. Reese resisted the urge to roll her eyes and instead focused on all the books she had read that John might enjoy.

“We could do The Perks of Being a Wallflower or The Virgin Suicides. If you don’t like reading, The Virgin Suicides was made into a movie. Or we could just read a Harry Potter book, that series is pretty easy and interesting,” Reese spouted off.

“I was thinking we could read something by Stephen King,” John suggested.

“Sure, I’ve never read any of his stuff. I have seen some of the movie adaptations of his novels, though. They were pretty good, I guess,” Reese agreed. It was as simple as that, the first part of their project was complete.

“Reese, are you going to start dinner soon?” Clary asked. She had been so quiet through that exchange that Reese had almost forgotten her sister was in the kitchen. Reese turned and leaned back on the counter. Her sister had a science book and a piece of paper sitting on the table, and it looked like she intended to do her homework here, rather than in her room as per usual. Reese didn’t comment on it and shrugged in response to the question.

“Are you hungry?” she asked. Clary rolled her eyes, and Reese knew that it was a stupid question. Her sister wouldn’t have inquired about dinner if she wasn’t hungry.

“Alright, I’ll start on dinner if you put the rest of the groceries away.”

“I’m trying to do my homework, Reese.” Clary ground out through a glare at her sister’s back. Reese dropped the pot she was in the process of retrieving at her sister’s tone. She was embarrassed that John witnessed Clary talking to her like this.

“I’ll help,” John offered, again.

“No thanks John, you’d be more of a hindrance because unlike Clary, you don’t know where anything goes!” John looked back and forth between Clary, glaring at her sister’s back, and Reese who was banging pots and pans against each other. John hadn’t meant to make Reese angrier; he was trying to keep the peace between the two sisters.

“Dinner can wait, Reese,” Clary said, and her tone was almost apologetic, but not quite. Reese didn’t respond and continued to move like a mini-tornado in the kitchen. Clary chewed on the end of her pen and surveyed her text book. John, not knowing what else to do, began to pull out his own homework. The only noises heard for the next ten minutes were those of Reese putting groceries away, Clary’s pen scribbling away at her paper, and John turning the pages in his history book.

Then Clary started to make low growls in the back of her throat, distracting John. The noises were either ignored, or unheard by Reese, who had started to bunch up the plastic bags. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to ignore her obvious frustration or not.

“Are you okay?” he ended up asking, not sure if this was the right thing to do. Reese had finished crinkling the plastic bags but was now organizing her cooking area. John was momentarily distracted by the sight of Reese wearing a pink apron.

“Yeah, I just... I hate biology, I don’t get this stuff. They need like a biology dictionary that will dumb shit down for people like me.”

“I think that’s called a glossary, it’s at the back of the book,” John teased. Clary tried to fight her smile but ultimately gave into the action. She wasn’t used to this, feeling... comfortable and able to smile and joke. Clary was well versed in mind games and how to toy with boys, but had no idea how to be friends with them.

“Yeah, but what I really need are the answers to be back there, too,” Clary admitted.

“What’s the question? Maybe I can help... I mean, I did take this class two years ago...” John offered with a shrug. Clary eagerly pushed the text book in his direction and leaned toward him to point to the question causing her so much grief.

Reese ignored the conversation, purposely keeping her back toward her sister and John. Reese was still angry and hurt about the Kennedy ordeal; she really didn’t want to watch her sister and John interacting. She purposely kept her back toward them and focused on preparing dinner properly. Reese wasn’t necessarily the best cook in her family... their dad had been the chef of the house. Clary had taken after him, inheriting his intuition when it came to adding spice to a recipe. Reese was more like her mother, she could cook a decent meal but otherwise she was nothing spectacular in the kitchen.

One time when Reese was making dinner (spaghetti, actually) she forgot to put the sauce in the meat. The other time, she forgot to put the meat in the sauce. Reese’s problems in the kitchen stemmed from being forgetful, or getting distracted by something. She knew that John and Clary’s conversation could easily distract her from her task, but she was going to fight the temptation to eavesdrop.

She just didn’t want another Kennedy situation to arise. She really cared about John; he was the closest thing to a best friend she would allow herself to have. He was very kind, funny and peaceful. Reese would hate to see all of those good traits he had ruined by her harlot of a sister. She had let things go with Kennedy, because who was she to control him? He was entitled to make his own mistakes, no matter how much it bothered her. But she had also sworn to herself that she’d put her sister on a leash. Reese wasn’t foolish enough to try and stop Clary... she was just going to restrain Clary’s territory. That meant that she was going to keep her sister away from her friends... even if that meant being aggressive.

But did Reese have the right to make that decision? What if John decided he had serious feelings for Clary? He had been around long enough to get to know her sister on a more personal level than Kennedy ever had. Maybe John could be the boy that changes her sister’s ways.

No. John’s heart wasn’t worth the risk. Reese owed it to him, as his friend, to protect him from her sister. If he ever expressed an interest in Clary, she would back off, but she’d still warn him. Reese didn’t think she could handle having to hide John in her closet. It would completely ruin their friendship. No good could possibly come out of John and Clary hooking up.

Reese swore eloquently, catching the attention of John. She had been thinking so deeply that she hadn’t noticed the water for the noodles (with the noodles in it) had bubbled over. She was panicking, turning off the element and attempting to lift the heavy pot. Reese pulled her hand back with a hiss, having accidentally touched the heated metal. John came up behind her calmly, dish towel in hand. He lifted the pot easily and walked to the sink.

She watched in amazement as he drained the hot water with ease. He was fighting back a smile, for which Reese appreciated. She didn’t need a burned finger and her friend laughing at her pain. Reese watched John moving around her kitchen like he had lived there his entire life.

“I didn’t know you could cook.”

“I can’t, I’m just making it up as I go.” He grinned at her while mixing the sauce and the noodles. Something in his crooked smile had Reese feeling uneasy. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but it felt familiar... like she had felt this way before. Reese suddenly didn’t mind having John around to help. She worked with him in the kitchen, twirling and sidestepping to work in harmony. He got the garlic bread from the oven and cut it, Reese dished out the dishes and cutlery.

“It’s almost like you’re married to my sister,” Clary teased John while he put pieces of garlic bread on each plate Reese had set out. He was standing with his chest pressed to her back while she was pouring milk into glasses. Reese felt the heat rising to her face as she became aware of her close proximity to John. She wished that she could look up and see the reaction John had to Clary’s joke. He didn’t respond verbally, only Clary was witness to his half-smile and shrug.

Dinner went by in a flurry of conversation, mostly from Clary and John. Reese was drained on all levels. The sheer effort it took for her to lift her fork was pathetic. She just really wanted to sleep. Reese was ready for John to go home, and he seemed to pick up on that. He helped Reese load the dishwasher and said goodbye to Clary. Reese walked with him to the front door, having been raised to see her guests out. He turned to her, standing on the threshold of her doorway and held his arms open for a hug. She took a moment to assess what he wanted and lurched forward to comply immediately.

The sick feeling came back to her stomach with a vengeance. His arms pressed her to him tightly, and she shivered at the contact of his hand on her lower back. The feeling was becoming more recognizable as he held her—the sick feeling was a colony of butterflies. Reese should have been used to this... John had always been capable of giving her these jolts.

But they were so infrequent and dull that she could ignore them. Kennedy had given her much worse butterflies and nerves. The day had truly put a strain on Reese... maybe they weren’t butterflies and she really had caught something. Maybe she had given them all food poisoning and she was the first to fall ill. John rubbed Reese’s back and then patted it before pulling away. He smiled at her one last time and then jogged down to his car.

Reese shut the door and leaned on it momentarily, trying to gather the strength to walk upstairs. It took her nearly five minutes to do so, but it was worth it when she got to fall face first onto her bed. She rolled onto her back and rested her eyes, the house was silent. She was falling in and out of a light doze when she heard Clary moving in their joint bathroom. Reese squeezed her eyes shut and hoped that her sister would go back to being quiet and doing homework.

And then she heard her bathroom door creak open. The last time Clary had come into her room through the bathroom, it had been to discuss Kennedy. Clary had wanted to know how well Reese knew him. She was asking questions that quickly had Reese’s paranoid and suspicious nature in overdrive. She had been interested in how old he was, what he did in his spare time, and if he had a girlfriend. When Reese had demanded to know why Clary was so damn interested in Kennedy, her sister had made her expression of shock and innocence.

“It just seems like there’s something between you two, is all,” she had said as a defense. Reese had shaken off her sister’s implication that Kennedy might actually be interested in her. She didn’t want to let herself feel hopeful, and she had been right to do that. Had she believed Clary and felt like she and Kennedy were possible... Reese’s heart would have been more glacial than usual.

Reese was not looking forward to the inevitable conversation.

“Reese, are you awake?” Clary asked.

Reese ground her teeth. Of course she was awake, and Clary knew that. Even if Reese had been asleep, Clary would have just shattered that by talking. Her sister used to torment Reese when she was sick and needed sleep, usually by playing her music loudly or talking on the phone while in the bathroom.

“You know that I am,” Reese admitted in defeat. She slowly sat up in the middle of her bed. Clary was quick to join her and mirror her elder sister’s crossed leg position. She leaned forward with her elbows resting on her knees and placed her face in her hands.

“Let’s talk,” Clary stated.

“What do you want to talk about?” Reese decided to see where this conversation went. It was always better to know what kind of games Clary was interested in playing.

“Well, I’ve never really noticed before... but your friend John is really nice.”

“Nice? What do you mean by that?”

“I mean, just that. He’s really sweet, smart, funny, and kind. I’ve never heard of him dating anyone before. I bet he’s still a virgin, too. You’d think a guy like that would be snatched up, right? So, is he like gay or something?”

Reese was flustered. The pure absurdity of Clary’s accusation had her sputtering a response.

“No, he’s not gay! He’s just... waiting for someone special.”

Clary laughed. “Yeah, someone with nine inches, right?”

Reese gripped the blanket on her bed tightly. “Clarissa, just because he hasn’t fucked you doesn’t mean he isn’t interested in girls. It means he’s a decent guy, who is above your bad influence,” she hissed.

“Fuck, Reese, I was kidding. I know that he’s not gay. And you know, not every relationship I have had has been a total wreck. Some of them were decent guys. Kennedy was decent, he was kind and sweet and we had fun together, Reese. That’s why I had to let him go, because he could hurt me and... I can’t.”

Without any preamble, Clary escaped her older sister’s room. Reese and Clarissa Wallace didn’t have heartfelt conversations. They didn’t talk about boys or relationships. They didn’t admit when they were hurt, or ask each other for help and they certainly didn’t discuss the Kennedy Brock fiasco. That’s why Clary was surprised when Reese followed her into their joint bathroom. Clary had stopped halfway between their rooms to lean against the bathroom counter and just breathe.

Clary kept her face tilted downward, to hide her reddening eyes and glistening tears from Reese. Her hand was covering her left half of her face while her hair covered up the right side. She didn’t know how her older sister would react to such a blatant show of emotional vulnerability. Reese has always managed to be so composed, her problems and negative emotions so well hidden from the world. Clary always felt like she had to keep her emotions reigned in around her sister.

Reese stared down at her crumbling sister. She felt the slightest pull to try to comfort her sister, but didn’t know how that would be received. By now it had gotten to the point where they were two strangers, just living together. They might be bound by blood, but they didn’t know each other. Clary, for instance, had no clue that Reese wanted to be fashion designer. Reese didn’t know that Clary’s favorite color had been blue for the past five years. Clary stared expectantly at her older sister... this could be the moment that their relationship changes. They could start to repair the damage that their absent father had created.

“Stay away from John,” Reese commanded. She hadn’t told Clary to stay away from Kennedy, and she should have. Clary was stunned, looking up at her older sister. She had never seen Reese like this before; possessive, caring, and fierce. Something in Reese’s expression set Clary off—maybe it was the emotion that John had brought out in her sister. The only emotions Clary had elicited from Reese have been annoyance, indifference (if that could be counted as an emotion at all), and anger.

“What if he doesn’t stay away from me?” Clary challenged. Reese heard it then, the defiance and confidence in Clary’s voice. Reese should have known that forbidding something to Clary would only further entice her.

“John is better than that,” Reese stated with all of the confidence she could muster. She didn’t stick around after her statement. Frankly, she was afraid that Clary would find the words to shake Reese’s faith in John. Already Reese was battling against her own doubt; she didn’t need Clary’s clever manipulation to make it any worse. Reese shut the bathroom door on her sister, and missed the threatening response.

“We’ll just see about that.”