Status: Thank you for reading!
The Beginning of the End
Fall Into The Lowest Low And See Who's Still By Your Side
Lilly's Point Of View
After I told Gerard about mom, I felt so much better. Most of the weight was gone from my shoulders. I told someone I trust about what I'm going through, and that's good enough for me. He knows, he's going to worry, but at least he knows why I've been so quiet these past weeks.
The past few weeks have been crazy for me. It's not because of the fact that mom won't be healthy again, it was the fact that when I was all alone in my room at night, crying silently, like I had since I found out about mom; I didn't want Erik to console me. I wanted Gerard. Call me crazy; call me delusional, but either way, for once in my entire life, I did not want Erik sitting next to me, drying my tears. There were barely any tears to worry about then. I hadn't thought about Erik the entire time I've turned myself into a lonely outcast. Gerard was the person who popped up in my mind.
That scared me. No, scratch that, it terrified me. I never felt the need for someone. Yet, I felt like I needed Gerard just to wake up every morning. What makes all of this worse is that he invited mom and I to a party at his house that would happen in another week.
I need to get my head in check. Gerard isn't helping by making me see him more. I feel stripped of my freedom by this sudden desperate need. It's annoying and yet again, it terrifies me.
What good would it do if I tried to avoid him again? He would never give up on me. That made me feel special and I also felt that I couldn't give up either. Gerard would be disappointed in me if I decided to wallow in my own sorrow.
The morning I walked to school, I dreaded it. I knew Gerard told them about my mom and that they would most likely understand, but I'm still scared to approach them. They're going to be angry that I haven't talked to anyone of them for such a long time. They're going to be angry because it took some enforcement to get answers out of me.
Ray was the first person to spot me inching towards him. Does he have to be so tall?
All of them turned their heads, watching me go towards them. The attention is wonderful, just great. I closed my eyes and sucked in a breath. Once I approached them, I looked them all in the eyes, one by one.
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
After apologizing, I maneuvered my way past Matt and Melissa. I hoped they took my apology to heart because I am really sorry. I guess I didn't know how much insight they took with my "I'm sorry" as I felt arms pull me back a few inches and I couldn't breathe. My books dropped to the ground and I loudly gasped.
"We forgive you!" Nicole screamed into my ear, forgetting she was centimeters away from me.
"We totally understand sweetie," Matt whispered, ruffling my hair.
One by one, they gave me back my personal space and gave me the books I dropped. I stared at them in disbelief. I neglected them all for so long and they're going to take me back so willingly, no questions asked? My eyes clouded over with tears and my lower lip jutted out to a pout.
"I don't deserve you all," I whispered, wiping my tears away.
"Hey all. Lilly bean! Are you okay?" Gerard asked, looking into my eyes.
"Yeah, I feel great," I replied.
After I told Gerard about mom, I felt so much better. Most of the weight was gone from my shoulders. I told someone I trust about what I'm going through, and that's good enough for me. He knows, he's going to worry, but at least he knows why I've been so quiet these past weeks.
The past few weeks have been crazy for me. It's not because of the fact that mom won't be healthy again, it was the fact that when I was all alone in my room at night, crying silently, like I had since I found out about mom; I didn't want Erik to console me. I wanted Gerard. Call me crazy; call me delusional, but either way, for once in my entire life, I did not want Erik sitting next to me, drying my tears. There were barely any tears to worry about then. I hadn't thought about Erik the entire time I've turned myself into a lonely outcast. Gerard was the person who popped up in my mind.
That scared me. No, scratch that, it terrified me. I never felt the need for someone. Yet, I felt like I needed Gerard just to wake up every morning. What makes all of this worse is that he invited mom and I to a party at his house that would happen in another week.
I need to get my head in check. Gerard isn't helping by making me see him more. I feel stripped of my freedom by this sudden desperate need. It's annoying and yet again, it terrifies me.
What good would it do if I tried to avoid him again? He would never give up on me. That made me feel special and I also felt that I couldn't give up either. Gerard would be disappointed in me if I decided to wallow in my own sorrow.
The morning I walked to school, I dreaded it. I knew Gerard told them about my mom and that they would most likely understand, but I'm still scared to approach them. They're going to be angry that I haven't talked to anyone of them for such a long time. They're going to be angry because it took some enforcement to get answers out of me.
Ray was the first person to spot me inching towards him. Does he have to be so tall?
All of them turned their heads, watching me go towards them. The attention is wonderful, just great. I closed my eyes and sucked in a breath. Once I approached them, I looked them all in the eyes, one by one.
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
After apologizing, I maneuvered my way past Matt and Melissa. I hoped they took my apology to heart because I am really sorry. I guess I didn't know how much insight they took with my "I'm sorry" as I felt arms pull me back a few inches and I couldn't breathe. My books dropped to the ground and I loudly gasped.
"We forgive you!" Nicole screamed into my ear, forgetting she was centimeters away from me.
"We totally understand sweetie," Matt whispered, ruffling my hair.
One by one, they gave me back my personal space and gave me the books I dropped. I stared at them in disbelief. I neglected them all for so long and they're going to take me back so willingly, no questions asked? My eyes clouded over with tears and my lower lip jutted out to a pout.
"I don't deserve you all," I whispered, wiping my tears away.
"Hey all. Lilly bean! Are you okay?" Gerard asked, looking into my eyes.
"Yeah, I feel great," I replied.