The Beginning of the End

Lilly's Point Of View

Two years have passed since the cancer incident. Luckily, for me, it's somewhat easier to cope. Granted, I still cry everytime after I visit her. I know she knows I do and it probably hurts her more than it hurts me, but I could never admit it. I don't want to seem weak in front of her even though I am. I have to keep this fake stiff upper lip; just for her.

"What are you thinking about?" Gerard asked, hugging me from behind.

I shook my head back into the present. I hadn't realized I was staring off into space. I cleared my throat, leaning against his chest. "Things," I replied.

I could already picture the frown showing up on his cute little face.

"I don't you to be sad. Your birthday's in a few days," he whispered.

"Yeah I know. I just hate that she isn't getting better like the liars promised."

He turned me around so I was facing him. "Hey, she will get better."

If only I could believe that. If she was getting better like everyone claims she is, why is she still in the hospital? Why is she still connected to machines? Why haven't I been able to have a mother-daughter dinner with her in two long years? Why did I have to fight back the tears when she wasn't there for my graduation? Why do I have to live with Gerard and his family now? Why?

Cancer. That's why. Cancer; when your body's cells grow and multiply so quickly with damaged DNA that it overpowers your regular, normal cells. Cancer; the disease that's killing my mother.

Gerard sighed as I went quiet once again. He gripped my hand in his and pulled lightly. "Come on, you need to go to sleep."

I didn't want to but he was dragging me and my body wasn't fighting it. I'd have to have a talk with it later on.

Wow, look at me. I'm planning to have an internal battle with my body's reactions. I have definitely changed over the course of two years.

He pushed me into the bed and pulled the blankets over my body. Before leaving the room, he pecked my lips.

Afterwards, I was left in peace and quiet. I stared at the band posters on the walls. Gerard's drawings were thumbtacked above his headboard. His guitar sat alone against his dresser along with guitar picks next to it.

Hurriedly, I clawed at my neck. I sighed in relief when I felt the outline of a heart against my shoulder blade. I would die if I lost Erik's guitar pick. I wear it everywhere now ever since I drilled a hole into it and used twine as the chain.

Gerard told me before my birthday was in a few days. That's nice. Turning 18 is a somewhat huge event. Wait a minute, 18?!

I sat up immediately, wind and blood rushing to my head. A stabbing pain attacked my head, forcing me to cower back. When the pain was gone, I almost lost my breathing.

Two years ago, I told myself that I would leave and go to Erik the day I turned 18. I was so set on it, I made a promise to myself that I would.

What happens now? Am I going to eat my words? Before, when I decided I was going to leave, I would be gone for good. I would never see mom again, I would go to college in my hometown, and Belleville would become a memory.

I came to Belleville with mom and unexpected things happened. Mom developed cancer. I fell in love. What am I going to do now?