The Beginning of the End

Lillian's Point Of View

I woke up to the sound of the doorknob jingling. At first, I thought it was someone trying to break in. I thought about it and laughed at myself. What kind of thief would make a huge racket if they were trying to break in?

Mom walked past the living room with her briefcase in hand. We smiled at each other. "Hi mom!" I chirped.

Her smile grew wider. "Hi sweetie. How was school?"

Right, school... "School was okay. Can I talk to you about something?"

The question took her by surprise. She sat down on the couch with me, placing her glasses on the coffee table. I call them business glasses since they made her look like a real genius. "Yeah sure. Fire away."

"I talked to the guidance counselor today. I want to ask you, what were you like when you were my age?"

"Hmm well when I was your age, I was really protective of myself. I really didn't trust anyone. If I did, I always had to go through a whole series of trouble to see if I could really trust them. Trust issues do not get you friends. Remember that. I think it was because after my grandfather died, I couldn't open to anyone else. I mean he was the one person I could tell anything to so I guess I couldn't trust anyone since then.

"Then one day I finally realized that always having my guard up wouldn't leave me happy in the end. So one day I just let loose and that's when I met your father. We dated all through high school on to college when he finally proposed to me. Two years later, we got married. Then three more years later, we had you. Yes, I didn't get my perfect marriage but life sucks. Besides, I might've never had you.”

Those two little tear drops that fell from her eyes made me want to cry. "Thanks mom," I sniffled engulfing her in a hug. "I love you."

"I love you too. I'm sorry about the sudden move. I should have told you but I figured telling you would be like ripping off a band-aid."

I sighed. "It's okay mom."

About an hour later, we both ate dinner in silence. Anyone could tell we were both still thinking about the previous conversation we had. I was truly thinking for once. Deep into thinking.

I realized that I've always had this hard shell. I don't let people in, I never did. I barely let my own mom into my emotions. The only person I did let into my world, even if it was a very short tour, was yeah you guessed it, Erik. That's why he's my best friend. I truly trust the kid with all of my heart.

Also, I really didn't have a lot of friends. People just knew me. I'm almost completely positive that people were nice to me because Erik knew them and they knew I was his best buddy. That's just...sad.

Once dinner was over, I went up to my room, unpacking the last box I had. The contents inside were mostly old books and pictures. I scanned through all the pictures until I reached the last one.

I was at the beach with Erik. We just built a sand castle and our moms decided to take pictures. We looked so happy. To think, this picture was just two years ago.

I crawled into bed, holding the picture to my heart. I thought of good memories with Erik as I fell asleep.

The alarm clock woke me up the next morning. I saw the picture from last night next to my head. I sat up, stretching my arms and legs. My ribs hurt a little less today. I guess that's an improvement.

I changed out of my pajamas and into school clothes after the morning necessities. I noted that the picture with Erik was still in my back jean pocket. Before walking out of my room, I took the picture out and stared at it. A teardrop slapped against the paper, making a small puddle. I wiped the tear away as well as the picture.

Erik wouldn't want me acting like this. I'm to the point where I could just break down and cry at any given moment. If he saw me now, he'd laugh and point at me for going soft. That's why I need to be strong for him. It'll just break my heart if I see him to find that he doesn't recognize who I am.

Sighing, I went downstairs, gave mom a kiss on the cheek, and walked out of the house. My phone told me it was just 7:21 am. I really need to stop going to school so early. I look like a loser doing it.

Another sigh escaped my lips for the umpteenth time this morning. I walked around the block, hoping to be able to remember it so I wouldn't get lost around this place.

I saw a cherry blossom tree to the left of me. Just my luck, I bumped into someone. I fell to the ground and gasped. My body immediately tensed up and I was scared for my life.

"Lillian? Sorry!" Gerard. It was just Gerard. I told myself that and I saw it really was him. His hair is black. Jeff's is blond. His eyes are hazel not green. Well do you mind telling my brain all of this? It was going on overload and panicking!

Gerard knelt to my level and stared into my eyes. He looked concerned. "Are you okay?" he whispered.

I whimpered like a frightened puppy and started crying again. He looked uncomfortable before helping me up to my feet and putting his arm protectively around my shoulders just like before.

You know, if I ever get the chance to have a talk to my brain, I'm going to beat the ever living out of it. Doesn't it know that I hate being so damn vulnerable? I also hated the fact that I wasn't doing anything to stop myself from crying either.

Gerard walked us around the block maybe five times; I lost count, until I calmed down. There weren't any more tears, just lots of quivering. "Are you okay now?" he whispered. I nodded feebly.

"Good, these are my friends!"

My mouth hung open and my eyes bugged out. He did not just introduce me to his friends when I look like crap! What kind of first impression is this?

His friends snapped their fingers in my face, getting my attention. I decided to kill Gerard later on. His friends introduced themselves as Matt and Ray.

Matt stood to about 5'10" or 5'11". His brown hair covered his forehead and stuck to his cheeks like glue. He reminded me of a puppy! Well, he would have if he didn't look so mean and nasty. Really, his "natural" look is him looking like he was ready to kill someone. I was scared of him until he started talking and laughing a mile a second.

Matt equals good person in my book.

If it was even possible, Ray was taller than Matt was! I'm going to make a ballpark guess and say he's around 6'0". Then again, his has a cool afro. That could contribute to his height. He looked like he needed a hug and cookie. Ray has this soft look on his face like a gentle giant.

Ray equals good person in my book also.

I really need to talk to girls. How can I talk to a boy about a boy? It's strange and unheard of! Okay, maybe it has been heard of but I'm just not used to it. But hey, I'm not complaining. I have friends. I'm not stupid enough to mess this up.