Parkers Shadow

I got off the plane in a dazed state. Los Angeles was so bright. The windows gleamed so bright they looked like diamonds. The sun was scorching my skin once I made it out the doors of Los Angeles airport. There was a shuttle parked out the front, a tall emotionless man was holding a card up with my name printed across it.

With a throaty sigh I ambled towards him.

“Hi I’m Shade Jacobs. Are you going to put me in a straight jacket or something…?” I muttered, truly curious. It’d be quite the sight for spectators to know that there had been a crazy psycho girl on their plane.

The man laughed flatly, so dull he just screamed boring. “No, unless you feel the need to wear one?” He quirked a brow.

I carefully deliberated whether it was worth it to see the crowds faces. “No thanks. I’ll hold on to my dignity for a bit longer.”

He made a sort of huff in response then turned to hold my door open for me. I got inside.

It was pretty nice for a nut house car. No taser guns or strait jackets or even a restraining fence between the driver and the passenger seats.

Neither of us spoke again, just a comfortable silence the whole way along. The only thing that suggested we were heading to a crazy house was the horrible overly ‘soothing’ music playing in the background. I curled up in a ball and covered my ears.

“Does that crap have to keep playing?” I asked the driver.

He just chuckled with a bit more feeling this time.

“Ugh!” I grumbled, lying back in my seat. This was going to be a painful experience of sorts.

~

“I have Miss Shade Jacobs here for her check in.”

The man made it sound like I was heading into a hotel resort not the nut house it truly was. Just the sight of the place was depressing. The walls were painted lavender gray all throughout. The receptionist had dark circles under her eyes and couldn’t even manage a smile.

“Get her prepped then take her to Room 401 top floor.” The lady said monotone.

The driver handed me over to a much nicer looking lady and waved me a goodbye. From the ladies badge her name was Samantha. “Welcome to the Los Angeles Mental Rehabilitation Center. Please come this way with your belongings.” The driver had left my bag on the floor for me. I slung it over my shoulder and followed Samantha to a small room with a metal table and a curtain. There was a box on the table.

“I’ll need you to remove your clothes and change into this.” Samantha handed my some dreary white pants and a white shirt. “Once you’re done, I’ll need you to hand over your clothes.”

I sighed and walked behind the curtain to change. The white shirt and pants weren’t all that bad but I’m sure I looked quite dull.

Samantha smiled when I handed over my clothes. “Please take out the contence of your bag and place them on the table. God this was so tedious.

With another sigh I began unpacking everything in front of her. All my clothes, my books and my electronics.

She started writing things down on her clipboard. “What’s inside there?” She pointed her pen at my toiletry bag.

“Make up… shampoo…?” I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

She unzipped it and looked through everything, laying it all out neatly. Then she started placing things inside the large box on the table. She didn’t let my keep my shaving razor, my shampoo, any of my makeup other than my eyeliner and put away some of my books that she considered unfit for me to read from the blurb. Most of them were murder mystery, god they were so touchy round here.

She only left me with some plain shirts my underwear two books and my few pairs of shoes. The rest went in a box, even my bras. Was she expecting me to cut myself with the clasp? I didn’t even get to keep my phone.

“I’ll just have to do a quick frisk search before you can go through with the other patients.” I ignored my dignity seeping away as she patted every inch of my body. “Your other things will be locked away until your discharge.”

It was over quickly and she let me through to a brighter room holding a plastic box of the belongings I’d been allowed to take through and a few spare change of those boring white pants and shirts plus some claspless bras. I was placed in a line of others who had just arrived. We walked up each hall on each floor dropping off patients.

“Shade Jacobs, Room 401!” The lady called. She gestured me into the spacious room and left me alone. There was another girl already situated there.

“Hey.” She greeted me from her bed.

“Hi.” I sluggishly walked to my bed and collapsed on top of it.

“Your new here?” It wasn’t really a question.

“Yeah, you?”

She laughed. “I’ve been here longer than most… cause I always refuse to take part in there stupid activities.” I laughed too. “I’m Brooke Stevens by the way.” She leaned over and held her hand out.

“Shade Jacobs, you can call me Shady.” I replied, shaking her hand.

“Shady? Nice name.” Brooke grinned. “I should probably show you the ropes.” Her eyes trailed to the clock.” But I think its lunch time, so I’ll show you the cafeteria first.”

She led me out the door and into the lines of people who too were filing towards the lunch room. “We’re on the fourth floor, most of the self harmers and aggressive people are on this floor.” She informed me. I looked around and notices quite a number of people had white wristbands on. I shuddered at the thought of my cuts across my thighs, they were only scars now.

“So what are you?” Brooke asked as we took our seats in the large hall. It was very quiet for the amount of people there. Most people looked detached from their bodies, as if they’d left their souls back into their rooms.

“I honestly don’t know…” I mumbled.

She frowned. “Okay… well why are you even here?”

I paused for a moment to think. “I was having hallucinations… I would wake up every night screaming into my pillow after having the same dream over and over again… I was at the wheel the night my sister was killed in a car crash and oh yeah I tried to beat up the kids at my school after having a crazy episode in the bathroom.” A man in white came and set a tray of food in front of me, the simple sandwich looked very appetizing

“Traumatized psycho, nice.” Brooke joked.

I smiled. “And what are you?”

Brooke grinned devilishly. “Self harmer.” She held up her wrists. I nodded very slowly, holding back the dozens of questions I wanted to ask.

I bit into my sandwich and looked around. Everyone looked so drained, so sluggish. I wondered what would become of me.

The rest of the day was filled with tedious activities, playing ‘team’ sports, listening to relaxing music while reading books on how to find your inner goodness and ‘socializing’ with other nut cases. Every single day was planned out and printed onto my own personal roster, the exact times I’d eat, sleep, socialize and do other bullshit. I was surprised they hadn’t put down the times I was allowed to take a crap.

So much routine, how fun…

But it wasn’t until I made it to my last activity of the day that it got interesting.

“Welcome everyone!” An overly enthusiastic man beamed from his seat at the head of the circle. His animated personality looked to be either too much or just plain old annoying to most of the people.

“This activity is called the circle of trust.”

I rolled my eyes while he wasn’t looking. I didn’t trust this freak. He should be in the nut house too. He was too happy, drugs I guessed. Who could be that happy in a climate of pure depression? “We’re going to go around the circle to ask everyone some questions.” He clasped his hands together and grinned. “I’ve brought along one of our longer staying patients Hayden Parker to join the group since he’s been a bit of a bad apple and refused to participate last week.”

Was this man gay or just on crack? ‘Bad apple’ who says that these days? I was considering smashing my head with a chair if it meant escaping Mr. Hysterically Happy man. “Let’s begin with you Parker.”

The boy Hayden Parker scoffed, lounging back. “Dr Russell I’ve done this exercise more than any patient you’ve ever had. It hasn’t worked before, what makes you think it’ll work now?”

“Parker, persistence gets us places. Now please just answer the questions.” Dr Russell – more like Dr Happy Crappy – turned his chair towards him. A few girls sitting together giggled as Parker began to comply.

“So tell everyone your name and why you’re here.” The doc instructed.

He sighed. “They already know my name.” When Dr. Happy Crappy just kept smiling at him he gave in. “Hi I’m Hayden Parker...” He said flatly.

Then the group did something utterly psychotic, something I thought they only did in movies.

“Hello Hayden!” They said in unison. My jaw dropped, I closed it immediately. Not in time it seemed, Hayden chuckled softly towards me.

“Something funny Hayden?” Doc asked.

“Nothing…” Hayden smiled at me. I couldn’t help but smile back, it felt so weird. It took a bit of work to get my facial muscles moving – since I hadn’t smiled in almost a year – but I managed to grin back.

“Okay then. Tell us why you’re here.”

“Well both my parents were killed…” He spoke like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Be more specific, what exactly lead you to come here?”

Hayden raised his brows while he stared at the floor. He placed on finger on his chin theatrically. “Well why are we all here? We’re here because we’re crazy, we’re psychotic. I’m here because I tried to commit suicide then my fucking uncle made me come here.”

I watched this boy ‘Parker’ make this Doctor look like a foolish idiot. As amusing as it was, it made me think about why I was here, not what I’d done to get here, but why I really was here. What the fuck was I expecting to get out of this?

The questions circulated the group answers raging from ‘I used to cut myself every night’ to ‘I tried to throw my baby off a balcony’. I quirked a brow at each of these, and to think I thought I was crazy.

Then everyone’s eyes were fixed on me. The most distracting were Hayden’s emeralds one, I couldn’t get them out of peripheral vision.

“Tell everyone you name firstly.” Dr Happy Crappy said.

“Uh… Hi I’m Shade Jacobs.” I mumbled, feeling weirdly self conscious.

“Everyone Shade is are newest member of the circle.” He looked down at his papers. “It actually says ‘Shady’ on your chart.” Doc interjected.

I frowned wondering how they found out. “Yeah, most people call me Shady.”

“Hi Shady!” Everyone said in a chorus of fake cheerfulness. Everyone except Hayden, he just smirked.

“And why are you here?” The doc did the whole creepy smile as he waited for an answer.

I looked to the side truly freaked out. “Well… uh my sister died in a car crash, and well I was behind the wheel that night.” I could hear my voice lowering and slowing to a halt.

“And how did this lead to you coming here, please elaborate.”

God I already detested this man. “I kept dreaming about it and having hallucinations until I… uh… cracked and tried kill a girl at my school…” I explained sheepishly.

“Did you feel responsible for the accident?” Doc queried. He had a pen and clip board now, he hadn’t written anything down for anything else. What the hell?

“Yeah I guess so. I wasn’t watching the road.”

The doctor nodded unsmiling for a second, just trying to look sympathizing most likely. “Well let’s move on everybody to some of our usual trust exercises.”

“We aren’t going to do that falling into each other’s arms crap are we?” I asked the girl beside me.

“Yeah, unfortunately… we do it every day.” She bit her lip. “I’m Danni”

“Hey, Shady.” I replied.

“He makes up line up boys and girls and take turns falling into the guys arms. It’s so gay.”

I chuckled.

“Okay kids, everyone line up. Boys this row, girls this row,” Dr Happy Crappy organized us, waving his arms around. “Now we’ll rotate around so we can learn to trust one another. Begin.”

I was standing in front of the boy who said he’d cut himself really badly. He looked much nicer now. He extended his arms. “Hi Shady.”

“Hi, what’s your name again?”

“Harrow Fields.” He nodded with a smile. I turned around and got ready.

“On three, all the girls must fall back into the boy’s arms.” I took a deep breath. “One, two, three.” I fell back and exhaled when Harrow caught me with ease. He smiled and helped me back onto my feet. “Well done boys and girls.” The doc encouraged. “Now move along the line to your next partner.”

Moving down the line, I basically didn’t feel any trust building between me and anyone. I was falling back into their arms. There was a foam mat under us anyway, how was this helping?

I’ll admit I felt a little intimidated when I got to Hayden Parker.

“Hello.” He greeted me.

“Hello.” There was an awkward silence for me, but he just smiled staring me right in the eye. I was saved by the countdown.

“One, two three!” I fell back into his arms and like Harrow he held me up easily. Well I wasn’t exactly an elephant or anything… “Bravo everyone, we made some good progress today. We’ll be playing some more games tomorrow so get a good night’s rest.” Dr. Happy Crappy waited by the door for us all to exit, he fare welled us with a pat on the back and one of his ‘special’ farewell creepy smiles. As I was lining up to get out Hayden approached me from behind.

“Hi again, I’m Hayden.”

“Hi, I’m Shady.”

“I know.” He smiled at me. “I just thought I welcome you to the nut house seeing as you’re the only girl here who seems to think this place is as messed up as I do.”

“What makes you think that?” I asked, stepping forward in line.

“I saw you rolling your eyes in the ‘circle of bullshit.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “You saw that?” I quirked a brow. He nodded. “Well it’s just that this place isn’t what I expected… it’s all about finding yourself again and all that happy bullshit.”

“Wow, why are you even in here? You don’t sound crazy seeing as you can see this place clearly.”

“Well done today Miss Jacobs and welcome.” The doc patted me on the back and beamed. I smiled back nervously.

As I began walking back to my room, Hayden caught up to me at the lift. The lift was very crowded so it was a relief to get out onto my floor.

“See you at dinner.” Hayden waved as he walked to his room.

“Bye Hayden.” I couldn’t manage to wave back.

“Call me Parker!” He called back before disappearing into room 419. I was left sort of dazed, I didn’t respond till it was too late.

“Yeah… Parker.” I whispered.