Parkers Shadow

“Parker is the hottest thing in this mad house!” Brooke had been going crazy since I’d told her Parker had approached me in my therapy group.

“Well he just said hi to me, nothing big…”

“Still… He never talks to anyone. The fact he actually came up to you and said ‘hi’ first is hugely surprising.”

“Do you know what happened to his parents?”

“C’mon lets walk and talk. Dinners served.” I followed her into the hallway and headed towards the dining room. “When its fine weather we’re allowed to eat outside under the stars.”

Wow this place had a weird idea of fun.

“So do you know what happened to his parents?”

“Oh yeah, he used to be in my therapy group where you do the circle of trust crap so he told us what happened to his parents. He said they were killed by some crazed psychotic killer, that’s why he hates it so much here.”

“Oh…” The dining room was empty, but everyone was heading outside to long rows of picnic tables filling up fast.

“C’mon I’ll introduce you to some others.” Brooke grabbed my wrist and yanked me along to a table near the very end, in the darkest patch of seating.

“Everyone this is Shady Jacobs.”

“Hi.” I chewed on my lip nervously.

“Her eyes are amazing.” A boy in the darkest corner said. Leaning into the light I realized it was Harrow from my therapy group. It was weird how he spoke of me as if they were observing me from across the room, as if I wasn’t able to hear them.

“Uh… thanks…”

Brooke prodded me. “Sit, sit.” I took a seat beside a dark haired girl with pasty skin.

“They haven’t drained the life out of her yet, she still has warmth in her eyes.” I frowned towards the joking voice.

As I peered closely I could see that this girls’ eyes were lifeless, she was one of those who looked to have left their soul back at home. Her eyes looked so broken and lifeless.

“She’s so pretty.” The girl smiled at me.

“Ness you’re going to scare the poor girl, she only just got here…” Brooke scolded her with a cheeky smile.

“I’m Nevada. How long you been in here?” A blonde girl asked.

“This is my first day here.”

The whole table soon broke out into murmured conversations. I zoned out and looked around. I refused to think I was searching for him. I eventually did find him, at a table surrounded by girls. He was staring ahead ignoring every word that came out of their lips. He caught me staring and waved with his fork stiffly.

This time I actually got my muscles to move and waved back just as stiffly. I looked away shyly and kept my head down.

Dinner was mushy pasta with gooey meatballs. It was better than most dinners mum had plated up so I ate it all hungrily - happy to get something out of being here.

I went to hand up my tray up to the ladies at the counter.

I felt sort of insulted that they actually recorded how much I’d eaten and had to drink, they even make sure both my plastic fork and knife were on my plate. Plastic knifes weren’t really ideal for cutting wrists or tunneling my way out of my room…

“You ate all of your meal, good work!” The lady jotted something down on her clipboard and smiled up at me. Apparently most people didn’t eat around here. I instantly felt fat.

If I wasn’t already insane I would be soon. “Uh… thanks?” I dumped my tray on the pile and decided to go straight to bed.

“Hello again,”

“Oh holy mother of-” With my hand held to my heart I spun around to see Parker behind me. My body slumped, I stopped mid sentence. “Are you following me?” I said dryly.

He shook his head smiling. “No don’t worry; I didn’t come here because I had stalking issues…”

There was a long awkward silence.

I decided to break it. “Why did you come here?”

“Didn’t you listen in the circle of trust?” His expression was taunting.

“Yeah I did. You said you’d tried to commit suicide?” I said my eyes moving to the floor. Parker gestured for me to walk with him.

“My parents died.” He said simply.

I nodded not sure how else to respond. “Why are you one of this institutes ‘longest staying patients?” I questioned, mimicking Dr. Happy Crappy.

He breathed a laugh. “I was supposed to stay here for only one month… but when I refused to participate in activities the people here got a court order to make me stay till they thought I was fit to leave.”

I felt sorry for him, being locked up here for so long. I could barely stand the staff and I’d only been here a day. His unsmiling face turned warm when he looked back to me. “You think you killed your sister right?”

“Yes.” I replied feeling a little shocked at how freely he threw around the statement.

He laughed and shook his head. “We’re you drunk?” He asked, quirking his brow cutely.

“No,”

“Well… were you under the influence of anything?”

I shook my head. “No.”

I knew what he would say.

“I’m guessing I’m not the first person to tell you it wasn’t your fault?” He suddenly stopped walking.

“That’s what everyone’s been telling me since the accident…” My voice dropped to a whisper. I felt a wave of sadness wash over me, my eyes grew watery and I suddenly found myself running towards the elevator sobbing loudly. As I hit the button ‘4’ I looked back to Parker who was standing meters down the hall with a stunned expression on his face.

~

“Welcome back everybody.” Dr. Robinson’s face hadn’t changed one bit, still as creepy as yesterday. “I think we ought to play some games as welcoming fun to Shady who is just starting out here.” A dozen smiles flew my way. “We’re going to play some expressional games, so that we can all let out some of the feelings we’ve been bottling up inside.”

Oh joy…

“Let’s all head outside to start off with some simple drawing of our surroundings.”

The whole group exited the building though the big glass doors out into a large grassy field, it was actually bright and beautiful outside, the sun was cascading down the roof before engulfing the open space. Each person collected a sketch pad, grey led’s and a box of colored pencils before dispersing in all different directions.

Across the large grassy field - I recognized Nevada, the girl I’d seen at the dinner table the previous night. She was sitting at a small picnic table with a much younger girl playing with a deck of cards. The younger girl was in normal clothes. I frowned to myself.

Nevada noticed my stare and waved, she looked a bit happier in the sunlight though her eyes remained almost as dethatched the other girl I’d met the previous night too - Ness.

I walked towards her. “Hey Nevada,”

Her mouth twitched into a smile, I guess you could call it that. “Hey Shady, I see your in Dr. Robs group, damn…”

I made a husky laugh. “Yeah, he’s really hard to put up with…”

“Oh sorry, Shady this is my little sister Jess.”

The young girl looked up and smiled - the first genuine smile I’d seen in days. “Hello.” She said in a small voice.

“Hey, nice to meet you Jess.” She went back to arranging her hand of cards.

“Well I really should get going – start my drawing.” I held up the paper and pencils with a dreary look.

“OK, well I’ll see you at dinner tonight. Bye.” She said with a wave, her and Jess went back to playing cards.

I went and sat by the clusters of pansies in the vast garden. I stared at them blankly, so colorful. I got my pencil out and began drawing. I was no artist, but I gave it a shot. Not because I enjoyed it, but because I wanted to see Dr. Happy Crappy’s reaction after seeing it.

Instead of drawing the flowers the bright colors they truly were I took two pencils and colored all my flowers blacks and grays. I smiled, proud of my work. Looking up I searched the yard for the Doc, he was standing by some other group members looking over their drawings with a big white smile. He suddenly looked up and saw me looking over.

I quickly averted my gaze down. I could tell he was coming over.

“How is everything going Shady, have you finished your drawing?” The Doc said as he came to stand over me.

I looked up slowly, holding the pad to my chest. “I’ve finished.” I said quietly.

He grinned and squatted beside me. “May I please see it?”

I handed the sketch pad to him, and opened it to the page. His face soured, but he still held up his beaming mask. “Shady pansies aren’t black and gray, why did you draw them like this?” He took his clip board out and flicked through some pages.

I stiffened. Why had a drawn them black and gray? My smirk faded. “Because that’s how I see the world these days…” I whimpered, my voice quivering.