Something To Hold On To

I shut the door to the twins bedroom and took a deep breath, my head resting against the wood. It was late – two thirty in the morning – but I knew that there was no way in hell that I would be getting any sleep any time soon. It didn’t take much time at all to get Aiden to sleep; he was practically falling asleep in my arms as I thanked the police for everything they had done and saw them out. He did, after all, have one hectic evening. I ran a hand through my hair as I thought about the ordeal I had just been through. It was nothing short of a nightmare. I had never been so completely frightened in my entire life. I had heard in times of tragedy people often have out of body experiences. That is exactly what happened to me. Once the reality of what was actually going on hit me I froze. I wasn’t able to think, I could barely make myself move, and when I tried to speak it came out frantic and nothing like what I had meant it to sound like. I was a wreck and, to be completely honest, I didn’t feel all that much better. Right now I have this sickening feeling in my stomach that Aiden being found was a figment of my imagination. Like I had wanted it to happen so badly that I had dreamt it all up. Like if I open the bedroom door...he won’t be fast asleep in his favourite Team Canada pajamas safe and cozy in his bed. I took a deep breath, my heart rate rising steadily, and reached for the doorknob. As my hand grasped it I heard the voice of a man that I had forgotten all about.

“Lex?” Mike called from the living room. I headed down the hallway towards him. I really didn’t want to. I wanted us to stay the way we had been tonight. I didn’t want to go back to him hating me and pretending like I never existed. Mike was slumped over on the couch. He looked absolutely exhausted; his incredibly sexy sultry eyes were dark and heavily ringed with black shadows.

“Thanks for today.” I told him as I began putting my living room back together so that it didn’t look like a tornado had torn through it anymore. “You can go now. I’m okay.” I continued, trying my best not to face him. Maybe if he didn’t see my face he would think that I was telling the truth; that I really was okay despite the fact that inside I was still devastated. I needed him to leave on a good note; I didn’t need yet another reason to break down tonight. As I picked up another throw blanket and began folding it I felt his grip on my shoulder.

“I’m not going anywhere.” That was all it took. The minute I heard those words I broke down sobbing hysterically. “It’s okay, Lex!” He consoled me as he pulled me to his chest. “It’s okay!” He pressed a kiss to the top of my head and I pulled backwards.

“It’s not okay!” I argued. “He’s three years old! How does a three year old get it into his head to run away?! This is all my fault! I’m not fit to raise those kids.” I shouted as I pointed towards the bedroom.

“Hey!” Mike yelled. “Don’t you say that! This is not your fault. Do you hear me?!”

“Mike, he..”

“Lex...” He began and then let out a long stream of air. “Maybe I shouldn’t have freaked out the way I did.” He told me and I immediately knew from the uncomfortable way he was fidgeting that he was talking about the strip club. “Maybe I overreacted.” He stated, his eyes finally reaching mine. “It shocked me. It caught me completely off guard, and I’m still not comfortable with it, but I shouldn’t have been like that with him. I..”

“I should have told you.”

“Yah! You should have told me.” Mike agreed wholeheartedly. “But that doesn’t make what I did alright, and I’m sorry. The thing is, Lex...you guys scare the hell out of me!”

“Yah, well...they can be little devils as times.”

“Not just them. I mean the three of you. You, Aiden, Maddy. You all freak me out!” He exclaimed. “I have never felt this way about anyone in my entire life. You and those little ankle biters are my number one. And it freaks me out!” He confessed.

“Mike..”

“What I’m trying to say is that I love you, Lex.” My eyes widened as I took in what I heard. “I love you.” He repeated. “You and Aiden and Maddy...I love you guys.” As tears of happiness rolled over my cheeks I rose to my toes and threw my arms around Mike.

“I love you too, Mike.” I confessed sincerely. His arms wrapped around my waist as he lifted me from the ground. He then set me back on my feet and pressed a kiss to my lips.

“Mmm...I’ve missed kissing those lips.” He told me. His lips came crashing down on mine again. “I love you.” He murmured, sweeping a strand of hair out of my face and then allowing the pad of his thumb to trail over my cheekbone. “and I’m sorry.”
---
The next day, Mike, Aiden, Maddy and myself stayed in all day. We didn’t get dressed. We ate junk food. We watched Disney movies. We did nothing. We did nothing, and it felt fantastic. I glanced up at Mike as he made his way back into the living room from putting the kids to bed.

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” He asked as he lowered his phenomenal body on to mine and kissed the tip of my nose. Immediately a smile was plastered on my lips as I shook my head. “Nothing?”

“Nope. Nothing.” He grinned and his lips formed on mine. The tip of his tongue grazed my lips, begging for entrance. My arms wound around his neck and I found myself tugging at the hair at the base of his neck. It had been a long time, a damn long time, since Mike and I had been together, but my body remembered just what he was capable of doing to me. My breathing heightened, my heart raced uncontrollably, and my light moans were coming louder and more frequently. His thick fingers slipped under the waistband of my pajama pants causing my hips to thrust upwards. As he began sliding them over my hips my cell phone went off. I groaned as I reached for it but Mike never lost a beat.

“Ignore it.” He ordered.

“I can’t! What if it’s the cops or something?” I flipped open my phone. “Hello?” I managed distractedly as Mike’s lips attached to my abdomen and began trailing lower.

“Lexie?!” I heard Misty’s frantic voice. “Oh thank god!” She exclaimed.

“Misty? What..” As soon as Mike heard the name he sat up. “What’s going on?”

“I need you to come in tonight. Kiki, Monica and Holly called in sick. I’ve got no one, Lex. I need you!”

“Oh. Misty...I’ve..”

“Please, Lex! I’m desperate. I’ll pay you double. I just need you in here.” I glanced at Mike, bit my bottom lip and then sighed. I couldn’t turn down that amount of money. There was no way.

“Okay.” I told her. “I’ll be there in an hour.”

“You’re a lifesaver sweetheart! I owe you.” She declared before hanging up.

“You’re going to work?!” Mike questioned.

“Yah. There were a bunch of sick calls. Kiki, Mon..”

“I don’t care whole called in sick, Lex.” Mike practically shouted. “You’re seriously going in?!”

“Yah. She’s going to pay me double my salary, Mike. I have to.” I told him as I got to my feet and started across the room to get ready.

“No!” Mike answered as he grabbed a hold of my arm, stopping me in my tracks. “You don’t have to go.” He told me. “Lex...please don’t go. You don’t have to work there!”

“I do.” I told him. “Do you realize how much money I will make tonight?!”

“It’s not all about money, Lexie!”

“No. It’s not. But I don’t ever want to have to tell Maddy or Aiden that we can’t afford something. I grew up like that, Mike! I do not want them to live like that. They won’t!”

“They don’t have to. You’re not doing this on your own anymore.” He confessed, making my heart skip in my chest. “You guys have me to depend on now. You don’t ever have to go back to that place again.” I took a step back, staring at him. So that was why he told me he loved me. So I wouldn’t go back to Misty’s. I shook my head and tried to walk away but Mike quickly placed himself in front of me. “What? Did I say something..”

“I can’t believe you.” I muttered.

“What?! Lex..”

“Last night...you said all that stuff to me last night so that I wouldn’t go back to work?!” I exclaimed. “Did you mean any of it?!”

“Hey! I didn’t..”

“God, Mike!” I shouted. “You’re unbelievable, you know that?! Un-fucking-believable!”

“Lex..”

“Get out.” I demanded.

“Hey! Lexie that’s not why I said all that! Last night...it was honest to god emotion. I meant everything I said to you.”

“You’re just now using it to get the upper hand, huh? I tell her I love her, she loves me too, maybe now I can get what I want. Is that how you planned it?”

“Lexie! Stop it! I..”

“GET OUT!” Mike’s head dropped. He made his way to the door and stepped out through it. He glanced back at me once more, sighed, and then closed it behind him.