Status: complete!(:
Unseen
New Year.
ALY: Right now, I am the only one not celebrating. In my quiet alleyway I can hear the fireworks going off over the lake. That is what is considered partying in this itty bitty town. I feel so alone, Mom. I wish I could be with you, making New Year’s resolutions. I wish I knew if this message machine was safe. Then I could tell you what my resolution is. But I don’t know. And there is no way I trust HIM with my resolution. Not when you and I are still alive, safe and breathing. I love you, Mom. I hope you’re night was better than mine. Remember that I could never stop loving you. Never forget that.
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Sometimes I still have THE NIGHTMARE. I wake up, on my bench or street corner or bridge, screaming with such force the ground should be quaking underneath my shaking body. I can’t stop it, can’t contain it. I have to shove my grimy fist in my mouth to keep myself from being discovered. I start to shiver uncontrollably and goose bumps cover every surface of my skin. I try to keep myself as stiff as possible so that my body can’t thrash all over the place. That happened once. I still have the ragged scar on my shoulder blade to prove it. The pain was almost enough to send me to a hospital. Almost. When the screaming and shaking subsides I run. The safety that I had hoped to find in my little patch of ‘home’ goes far, far away. So I run like I could outrun the sunrise, with such speed that I sometimes faint before realizing I am in a new state. Sometimes, I wish I could just open up my head and pour straight bleach into my brain. Just to see if I would still have THE NIGHTMARE. If I would still remember HIM and HIS grin that makes my flesh crawl. Maybe everything would be gone and I would be left with nothing. A pile of bleached nothing.
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Sometimes I still have THE NIGHTMARE. I wake up, on my bench or street corner or bridge, screaming with such force the ground should be quaking underneath my shaking body. I can’t stop it, can’t contain it. I have to shove my grimy fist in my mouth to keep myself from being discovered. I start to shiver uncontrollably and goose bumps cover every surface of my skin. I try to keep myself as stiff as possible so that my body can’t thrash all over the place. That happened once. I still have the ragged scar on my shoulder blade to prove it. The pain was almost enough to send me to a hospital. Almost. When the screaming and shaking subsides I run. The safety that I had hoped to find in my little patch of ‘home’ goes far, far away. So I run like I could outrun the sunrise, with such speed that I sometimes faint before realizing I am in a new state. Sometimes, I wish I could just open up my head and pour straight bleach into my brain. Just to see if I would still have THE NIGHTMARE. If I would still remember HIM and HIS grin that makes my flesh crawl. Maybe everything would be gone and I would be left with nothing. A pile of bleached nothing.