Alexithymia.

Age Fifteen

Adeline stared, for what seemed like hours, at the object in her hand—a hot iron. The shiny metal seemed to be tempting her. Teasing her. Telling her to press it against her bare skin.

Adeline found herself in this situation more than once. Actually, quite a bit.

She didn’t burn herself because she was sad, or because she was depressed, she did it because she just wanted to feel something. Anything . Even if it was pain.

Pain was an easy emotion for her to recognize. Not only did she recognize it, but she also understood it. It was one of the few emotions she comprehended. And to her, pain meant a lot.

Before she could press the scolding iron to her pasty, slender arm it was snatched up by someone else.

“Adeline,” Alex's tone was full of sorrow. “Please, don’t do this. Not again.”

Alex didn’t make a big deal about the scene unfolding before him. Why? Because this isn't the first time Alex has walked in on Adeline right before she’s about to hurt herself. Oh no, Alex has seen this a good number times. Not that seeing this is a good thing. No, it's actually quite the opposite. No one wants to see their best friend harm themselves. Nonetheless, this scene was quite typical to Alex. So there was, and is, no need to make a big deal out of it.

Even though Alex was used to Adeline doing this, it still hurt him. He cared so much about her. He loved her. He found it so unfair that a girl as wonderful as Adeline should have to suffer from Alexithymia.

Adeline sighed; she knew there was no point in arguing with Alex, “Why are you here?”

Alex set the iron down on the ironing board—where it belonged and not on Adeline’s arms, “I wanted to take a walk. It's really nice outside today, and I know how you love the outdoors.”

Adeline smiled, this time she knew why she was doing so. Alex made her happy. Happy was another of the few emotions she understood. “Let me grab my camera and we’ll head out.”

Adeline walked out of the Laundry room, down the hall, and into her bedroom.

She grabbed her Nikon D40 off her nightstand and met up with Alex at the front door.

“Are you willing to be my model for today, Alex?” Adeline asked him as they now made their way down the side walk.

“Depends on what you want me to do,” Alex chuckled. “I'm totally open to posing nude.”

Adeline rolled her big, vivid blue eyes, “You're sick.”

“Gotta love it,” Alex snickered.

She gently punched his shoulder, “I do.”

~~~

“Man, modeling is hard,” Alex groaned as he flopped himself down on the Rosen’s dark brown leather couch.

“You know, when your band gets all famous like your planning, you're going to have to model a lot.”

“I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it,” he said, resting his feet on the coffee table and turning on the TV.

“Classic Gaskarth attitude,” she scoffed as she slumped down next to Alex.

Alex put his arm around her shoulders, “Hey Sunny, where’s your parents at?”

Sunny was the nickname Alex had given Adeline when they were both 12. To Alex, Adeline and the sun went hand in hand, if the sun was up, so was Adeline, and she loved to be outdoors, so he called her Sunny and it just stuck.

“They should be home by now,” she said. “They’re probably just stuck in traffic.”

“It's fine with me. The more alone time I get with you, the better,” he wiggled his dark eyebrows.

“Don’t be such a weirdo, Alex,” Adeline giggled.

“As you wish my sunshine.”

~~~

Nearly two hours had passed and Adeline’s parents still weren’t home. This bothered her. Her parents were usually home on time, and if they were going to be late they’d call.

And since her parents both worked together at the same interior design firm they always came home at the same time.

“I think I s-should give them a call,” Adeline said as dug her cell phone out of her jeans’ pocket.

She dialed their office number, both their cell phone numbers, but all of them went to voice mail.

“They didn’t pick up,” Adeline told Alex after she placed her phone on the table in front of them.

“Oh, uh, well, are you sure they didn’t have somewhere they needed to go after work?”

Adeline shook her head, “No, they would have told me.”

“Maybe they just forgot to tell you,” Alex tried.

“No, they would have told me,” Adeline firmly repeated.

Now, Adeline was worried. Her and her parents were extremely close. They always were there to help Adeline when she needed it. To comfort her. To love her. And they were the only people she loved. Even though she didn’t quite understand what love meant.

That night Adeline had found out, several painful hours later, that her beloved parents were killed in a 5 car pile up. The only people she truly loved and cared about were gone.

This affected Adeline greatly. Some of the emotions she experienced that night were brand new. She didn’t get all of them. Actually she only knew that she was sad. Other than that, she had no idea what she was feeling.

Since she had no other family, Alex's parents gladly took her in.

Alex never left Adeline’s side. For the two years Alex and Adeline were attached at the hip. Alex did everything and anything to help her. Needless to say, he fell in love with her. But he knew that Adeline could never feel the same way about him. She didn’t know how to.

Even though the death of Adeline’s parents was tragic, it brought them closer together. So close, in fact, that they were inseparable.

Alex wanted to be with Adeline forever.

Adeline didn’t know what she wanted.