Alexithymia.

Age Seventeen

Adeline sat on her bed staring blankly at the light green wall in front of her. She was left home alone again.

Alex was at yet another party, Mrs. Gaskarth went over to one of her friend’s house for the evening, and Mr. Gaskarth was away on a business trip.

Adeline pulled her knees up to chest and rested her head on them. She had never felt so alone, so abandoned in her entire life. Now more than ever she missed her parents. She wished that they had never died in that horrible car crash those two years ago.

Before she realized what was happening, tears were spilling out of aquamarine eyes.

She hastily wiped them away. She didn’t know why she was crying . . . and it killed her. All Adeline wanted was to understand what she was feeling, and why she was feeling it. She was tired of being confused. She needed to change. And she was going to stop at nothing to make that happen.

~~~

Alex Gaskarth sat on the worn-out couch in one of his classmates’ house. He wasn’t alone though. Brynne Parker sat next to him, twirling a strand of her dyed blonde hair on one of her fingers. Both of them had consumed a fair share of alcohol, seeing as how they were at a party.

“Where’s you’re sister tonight,” Brynne asked, slurring her words.

Alex gave her a confused look, “I don’t have a sister.”

“Yeah, you do. The tall, skinny, pale girl with the blonde hair. Doesn’t say much. Kinda a freak,” she said.

“Oh,” Alex snapped his fingers. “You mean Adeline! She’s not my sister. My parents just took her in ‘cause her parents died.”

“Really?” Brynne’s voice was hopeful. “So that means there’s nothing going on between you two?”

Alex thought about that. Was there anything going on between him and Adeline? He was in love with her, but it was pointless. Adeline could never love him back . . . no matter how much he wanted her to.

“No, there’s not,” he answered her.

“Good,” Brynne smirked before smashing her lips against Alex's.

Alex didn’t kiss back at first. He felt almost guilty. He didn’t know why though. Like he said, there wasn’t anything going between him and Adeline, or so he thought.

Brynne got off the couch, grabbed Alex's hand and began dragging him upstairs.

She found a empty bedroom and pulled Alex inside. She locked the door and went straight to the bed, still towing Alex along.

She straddled him and started kissing him. Not long, she was shedding her clothes and trying to get Alex to shed his. As soon as she went for his belt buckle something in his mind screamed STOP!.

Alex grabbed Brynne’s hands, “I can’t do this.”

“You what?” she gaped at him.

“I am not going to sleep with you. I'm not even going to kiss you anymore,” he got out from under her and stood up. “In fact, I’m leaving. Go find some other idiot to fuck.”

Brynne stood there, her mouth hung open, staring at Alex. No one ever turned her down, “No one turns me down, Alex.”

“I just did,” and with that he walked out of the room hoping to find Jack, Zack, or Rian. He wanted to go home. He wanted to be with Adeline. But he was too drunk to drive.

He did find Rian, sitting outside on the porch by himself.

“Hey man,” Alex said, sitting down next to him. “Do you think you could give me a ride home?”

“Sure thing, bro,” Rian told him.

“Why are you out here, anyway?” Alex questioned.

Rian shrugged, “I felt kinda guilty being in there without Kara. . . I know I wasn’t doing anything, but it just didn’t feel right.”

“Oh, I understand,” Alex let out a deep breath. “You’ll never believe who I just turned down.”

“Who?”

“Brynne Parker,” he said her name quietly.

“Adeline’s much better, brah.”

“What?” Alex's eyes bulged.

“Dude, it's obvious, you love her,” Rian patted him on his back.

Alex wasn’t even going to bother to deny it, or even ask why, all he wanted to do was get home and see her, “Alright, can you just take me home now?”

“Let’s go,” Rian stood up and jingled his keys.

~~~

Alex didn’t waste any time. As soon as he got home he went straight to Adeline’s room.

The lights were off, meaning Adeline was asleep. Alex couldn’t blame her. What else was she supposed to do at twelve forty-eight on a Friday night all by herself?

Instead of turning around and going in his room, Alex kicked off his shoes, took off his pants, and crawled into bed with Adeline.

“Alex?” she groggily asked.

Alex made a ‘shh’ sound, “ Just go back to sleep everything is alright.”

“Why are you home?”

Alex sighed, “It's a long story.”

“Oh,” she resituated herself in her covers. “Well, you can tell me about it tomorrow. Good night.”

“Good night, Sunny,” Alex kissed her cheek. “I love you.”

Adeline wasn’t going to question why Alex was now acting like he used to, and not ignoring her—she was just going to enjoy it and not ask any questions.

It was good to have the old Alex back.