Disease

The car handled smoothly under his grip. Oliver’s knuckles were near white by the time he had pulled into the carpark that belonged to Matt’s building. He let the car idle, feeling it rumble underneath his feet as he sat there, silently fuming. Trying to collect himself grew to be a hard task as he counted over everything he wanted to tell Matt. Every time he thought of what he had to say, how Afton was making him feel, he just grew angry again. Angry with himself that he had been putting up with being her doormat and allowing her to walk all over him.

Of course he had to remind himself of how he had treated her two years ago every time he got mad at Afton for thinking only about herself. He couldn’t even fathom what would happen if he had been in Afton’s situation, having to deal with her cheating on him, yet sticking by her side, just like she had done for him. It was incomprehensible to Oliver. He knew what he would have done then; he would have left. The idea of spending his time with someone who didn’t want to spend all of theirs with him would have been the final straw. And suddenly it gave him a whole new realization of why he let Afton do this to him.

There was no way in the world he could ever make up for what he did to her two years ago, and the way she had never left his side was every reason why he was still beside her.

He turned off the car now. The leather seats grew chilly and the air in the car felt frosty as he sat there a while longer. Thoughts stewed in his head, brewing around until he couldn’t take it anymore. Oliver threw the door open and plopped his feet on the ground, standing up and slamming his door shut. He locked the car and walked away from it, snow dusting him as he walked to Nicholl’s door, rapping sharply until he answered.

“Fuck, Oliver. What’d yeh want?” he asked, his voice sleep ridden while he rubbed his eyes.

“Well, I were wonderin’ if we could talk abou--”

“Fuck mate, jus’ get in ‘ere!” Matt snapped, grabbing Oliver by the arm and jerking him inside. Matt was standing in just his boxers, shivering from the wind blowing inside is flat while Oliver stood there trying to talk. He slammed the door, and Oliver stumbled inside to where he took a spot on the couch.

Matt disappeared for a moment while Oliver sat on the couch, his hands gripping each other while he looked around the familiar place. So many days spent in this place, good memories being the product of each visit.

He came back, wearing a pear of sweat pants and a t-shirt. Taking the giant recliner next to the couch, he motioned with his eyes to Oliver to start again in the statement he had previously been cut off from saying.

“I just wanted teh come over teh talk 'bout Afton,” he said, his eyes flickering to his hands while his voice got soft. There was so much of his side of the story that never got to be told. But after proving his infidelity two years ago, he had to hold his tongue any time he wanted to speak badly of Afton. Everyone knew she didn’t deserve that kind of talk about her, after what she had put up with for months. It had been two years and it still hadn’t been forgotten. Sure, he had been forgiven - to some extent until SJ forced her way back into the picture - but it would never be forgotten by Afton.

“Sure, Oli. What’s been goin’ on?” Matt asked, not knowing what kind of answers that question would bring about. So far, no one but Oliver’s family knew. Just those four words could bring such an answer no one wanted to hear. And Oliver certainly didn’t want to have to repeat what had been going on for the past weeks of his and Afton’s life.

Oliver looked up to Matt, his eyes heavy with what felt like guilt and depression at the same time. He didn’t want to say it again. He didn’t want to hear the words coming from his mouth. No matter how many times he tried not to think of it, it didn’t make it any less real. And hearing the words come from his own mouth only set it in stone yet again. Hearing it come from Afton’s mouth had nearly shattered him.

At least the first time he heard it, the only thing he could hope was that the doctor was wrong.

“Afton’s been really sick lately, y’know. She don’t go out much 'ardly, er, she never wants teh, anyways. She’s got tuberculosis.” The words fell flat from his mouth, not even resonating in the air after they had been spoken.

It was so hard for him to say. Three easy words that individually had never meant anything to him until just weeks ago. The last of the three never even thought of as something that could happen to anyone he knew. He wasn’t even sure how Afton had come down with it, and it was even scarier how fast that one little word could destroy their lives.

Matt looked up at him solemnly, not knowing what to say. The words hit him hard and fast, with no mercy. Two years of hearing about how much Oliver loved Afton rubbed off on everybody, as they found all the great qualities in her that Oliver couldn’t shut up about. Everyone loved her. So it was spot on to say that Matt felt sick to his stomach to hear that his best friend’s love had this life-threatening disease. No one would have wished this on anybody, least of all the kindest person they all knew. The most caring girl who would be loyal to Oliver through anything he could have dragged her through and still smile in the end.

Although his guess now though was that she didn’t smile much.

“Oliver, ’m, ’m,” he was at a loss of words himself while he tried to comprehend why someone so caring and loving as Afton could deserve something like this. She never deserved half of anything that got thrown at her. Example A would be the weeks she put up with Oliver cheating on her.

No, no one really ever did forget about that.

“’S just been gettin' so fuckin’ bad,” Oliver sighed. He buried his face in his palms, squeezing his eyes shut. No matter how hard he wished, nothing ever went back to how it used to be. “She’s pissed off all the time, and we’re always yellin’ and screamin’ at each other for no reason. ‘Cause I let her walk all over me now, y’know, I figure I should because she put up with me back then,” he said, alluding to the cheating days. “So I should be there for her, aye? That’s what I reasoned. But ‘s not workin’ so well.”

They sat in silence after Oliver finished speaking. Neither of them had a clue of what to say. Matt was blindsided, never even thinking that something this bad could happen to them. The poor couple had been through enough already, any sign that karma existed surely would have cut them a break by now. Apparently karma liked to pick and choose who received and who suffered.

“I 'ad teh drag 'er all the way to fuckin’ therapy. She can’t stop thinkin’ 'bout how she’s gonna die, and I can’t stand it, and it sure as ‘ell ain’t healthy. I don’t even know what teh do, Matt. It’s just fallin’ apart before our eyes, and she doesn’t care enough teh do anythin’. And ’m so desperate teh do everythin’ that ’m lettin' her walk all over me. We’re not gettin' anywhere though,” he said, sighing again at the end of the statement. “We’re not gettin' anywhere,” he repeated softly.

He said it more as a reminder to himself, to further drill it into his head that nothing was going right anymore. As much as he was willing to try, he couldn’t anymore. He was sick of Afton, of hearing day after day about how she was going to die. He was sick of being walked on, as being treated as less than human now as she couldn’t even bare to talk to him these days. He was done putting up with her, giving her every single thing she desired, only to be rejected and ignored.

They’d hardly had a good day between them since the diagnosis, save for maybe one or two fluke days of happiness.

It was awfully tiring to put up with someone who wasn’t willing to make even the slightest dent in the problem they faced. All she had to do was accept it. All she had to do was decide whether or not she wanted to be happy for whatever time she had left with Oliver. The thing she should have focused on most, was that she should have never stopped being happy.

Any day could have been a day to claim either of their lives, whether they were sick or not. A car could have hit Oliver and Lord knows that the only thing Afton would think about then is how miserable she was towards him all because her head was getting a hold of her.

They couldn’t seem to accept the fact that the only thing that mattered was the present.

“Mate, '’m so sorry to 'ear that. I mean… do yeh want to call it off with 'er or somethin’?”

The very second those words left Matt’s mouth, Oliver’s eyes turned to daggers, shooting up to meet Matt’s. The two of them froze. Matt in shock of his own words, and the ferocity at which Oliver’s eyes bore into his won.

“No!” Oliver stated, his voice hard and strong. “No,” he repeated, softer now, but still just as sure as the first time. “There is no way I could ever, I couldn’t. I could never leave her. Matt, I love Af more than anythin; in the world. She’s all I think about. All of yeh know she’s all I talk 'bout. She’s my world, Matt.”

He smiled softly, hardly a tug at the corners of his lips, but it exposed his teeth nonetheless.

“Oliver, I think yeh care too much,” Matt spoke softly. He knew these words were poisonous, surely to get him into nothing but trouble with Oliver. “Yeh not even considering your own feelings anymore. She’s walkin’ all over yeh, and if yeh can’t even care about it, how’s that gonna make anythin’ better?”

He spoke the truth. He didn’t want to see his friend like this. Seeing Oliver so broken, firstly because Afton could be dying sooner than anyone expected, and secondly because she treated him like shit now, didn’t go over so well with him. Oliver did care too much. He was all too willing to put up with Afton because of the fear of losing her.

He could call it off now, end a two year relationship he never dreamed about getting out of. They could go their own ways and be miserable without each other.

The only sad part was that they didn’t even have to do that. Even being together they were still miserable.

“Yeh can’t… yeh can’t care too much about someone when yeh love them though,” Oliver said in a tiny voice. He was trying to justify his reasons for being the push over this time around. It was a back and forth battle. He was sick of Afton; he was spitting out excuses as to why he hasn’t stood up for himself yet. He took her to therapy to make things better; they avoided talking to each other.

Nothing could ever go in one direction with the pair. They were one way, then the polar opposite. Consistency never was their strong point.