Disease

"I don’t know what I’ve done,” he stated simply.

His hands were holding his head while the couch enveloped him, his mother sitting on the chair only a few feet away from him while she listened. It was painful for both parties to be going through this. Oliver was confessing and telling his mother the story of what had happened just a few days ago between him and Afton. It went from one end of the spectrum to the other.

From Oliver yelling at Afton in a tone that she never deserved to hear, using words that should never be told to anyone; to the way she came back to him, and they somehow remembered that they loved each other.

Somehow, in between fighting and emotions and ignoring each other, they maybe forgot how much they meant to the other.

It was a horrible thing that they had to go through such a tumultuous time to realize it again. Their love was so strong neither of them ever thought it could be ignored or forgotten.

But they never thought that Afton would go through something like her illness, either.

“I don’t even know who I am anymore 'ardly,” he said, his voice dry while his eyes were closed.

“Yeh sound like you’re figuring it out now though,” Carol said lightly. She was having such a hard time watching Oliver go through so much pain, just recounting what had happened between him and Afton in the past week. “I mean, what yeh said to Afton was terrible, Oliver. And ’m more than ashamed yeh did that. But yeh made it up, righ’? Yeh said yeh loved ‘er. She needed that, love. She needs to know yeh love her, just like yeh need to know she appreciates yeh.”

“Things just… ugh,” he said, giving up on trying to say anything more and letting out a groan of frustration. It was getting harder and harder to voice his thoughts now, because Oliver himself couldn’t make much sense of what was going on inside his head, much less his heart these days.

All he wanted was for Afton to be better, and for their relationship to go back to what it had been before this all started. Somehow everything just fell apart the day they found out Afton could potentially die. And after that, they let things get so bad that their relationship was almost gone beyond repair.

Slowly, it was getting fixed.

“I love 'er so much, mum. I just love ‘er so much. An’ I think all of this 'as me thinkin' 'bout maybe spending the rest o’ my life with ‘er. ‘Cause I really want to. Nothing scares meh more than not being with 'er.”

He dragged his face away from his palms, looking up towards his mother with confused eyes. Him and Afton went through so much on just a weekly basis, that it was often tough to see them together for much longer. But he was determined to stay with her, because anything but spending his time with Afton would be unacceptable.

“Oliver, yeh just need to show her, tell her. She knows yeh love her, but in such a 'ard time like this, ‘s easy to forget.”

He groaned again. “I 'ave told 'er,” he said through gritted teeth. “I’ve nearly shouted it to the entire city 'cause she won’t listen to meh. I don’t know why she’s so determined teh not listen and convince herself that I don’ love ‘er anymore.”

Carol looked at her son, his eyes looking so tired and exhausted. Never would she have hoped for her son to go through this with someone he loved. All she wanted was for her children to be happy, and Oliver was having a tough time keeping his emotions on track when Afton’s health strapped them both into a roller coaster.

“It’ll even out soon enough, love, it will. Now that yeh two are getting better, hopefully yeh won’t fight as much, and that’ll do wonders. ’m just so happy to ‘ear she’s gettin’ better. Maybe once she’s fit for it, yeh can start talkin’ teh 'er 'bout marriage?”

She sent a playful smile to Oliver, whose own face brightened up at just the mention of finally talking to Afton about getting married to her. That’s all he wanted, was to spend the rest of his life with her. And the thought of Afton getting well again was the bonus that would set everything in motion, so that they could finally return to how they had been in the past months. They could just find strength in each other again hopefully, piecing their relationship back together while they moved on from this into better times.

“To tell yeh the truth mum, I don’t even know ‘ow she feels 'bout marriage.” It was a topic they had never discussed much in the past, and especially not recently. However it was the recent months that made Oliver realize he wanted to marry Afton. And unfortunately, it was as inappropriate time as ever to talk to her about it. He knew what kind of reaction it would have sparked. Not even a chance that it would be a good reaction.

The only thing he predicted she would then bring up, is that there was no point in her marrying him if she was going to die.

Well, she wasn’t going to die.

“Then there’s no better way teh find out then to ask, dear! Yeh know she won’t disagree with it though. She loves yeh more’n anythin’, Oliver. She’s been through so much with yeh now, that there’s not even a chance that she’ll deny spending the rest of her life with yeh. Yeh know she’ll say yes. She loves yeh just like yeh love ‘er.”

Oliver smiled, thinking to himself that maybe his mother was right. There had been plenty a time in his teenage years that he would disagree with everything his mother said, even if he knew she was right. Luckily, he was past that point in his life, and could finally accept the good advice his mother would give. And this time, he had a feeling that she knew what was best for the situation.

Because mothers always seemed to know what was best with stuff like this, and from what Oliver had tried doing on his own for the past weeks apparently were not the right things to do. Maybe he needed to start listening more.

“But I just… I don’t know. Wha’ if… wha’ if she doesn’t want to?” he said, his voice small and insecure, his fear of Afton rejecting him yet again weighing down on his shoulder.

He wanted nothing more than to spend his life with Afton; to know that she was his and he was her's for the rest of their life. But he was terrified that she wouldn’t see the point in this anymore. If she said no, he didn’t know what he would do. He was scared it would change everything if she didn’t want to marry him; he was scared that their relationship would change after that, slowly falling apart because apparently Oliver wanted so much more than Afton did.

He was scared. That was all.

He was sick of being rejected by Afton, constantly put off from his advances to simply love her. The thing he hoped for most now that they were on good terms for what felt like the first time in months, was that if he proposed to her, she would finally see that he was devoted to only her.

Marriage, to those who were meant to be married, meant no cheating. Complete assurance that two people would stay faithful to each other - in the best of cases, of course.

And now, Oliver was beginning to think that maybe he and Afton were the best of cases. They had survived so much at this point, that there really wasn’t a reason for them not to spend the rest of their lives together.

Maybe they were just made for it.

“Well then if she doesn’t want teh Oliver, yeh give ‘er time. Because I know that someday she’s gonna want to marry yeh. And if it’s not now, it’ll be someday down the road. And yeh can jus’ wait.”

Carol looked up at Oliver, her bright blue eyes that were identical to Tom’s peering at her son. She was doing the best she could to help him along, to convince him that proposing to Afton wasn’t such a crazy idea as it seemed in his head.

She was going to do everything she could for Oliver and Afton, because she honestly couldn’t stand the thought of them not being together. Carol had seen how miserable Oliver was when he fought with Afton, and she couldn’t even bare to think what things would be like should they eventually break up. And she didn’t even want to fathom what would happen to poor Afton without Oliver. They needed each other. It was easy for most everyone to see that they were dependent on each other.

And yet they could bring so much harm and destruction into each other’s lives.

“Wha’ if it changes things? Wha’ if she says no, and then realizes that she doesn’t want to even be with me?”

“Oliver, do yeh hear yourself righ’ now? Yeh talkin’ crazy, love. If she says no, she might just want time to think about everythin’. Yeh two ‘ave been through so much, she might need some time to get things figured out. It were only a few days ago she found out she was gettin’ better! And if she calls everything off with yeh, which I highly doubt she’ll do, yeh know she’ll probably come back. Poor lass can’t make it without yeh, Oli. Yeh know that.”

He sighed. “No, I guess I don’ hear myself righ’ now,” he said, chuckling a little bit as he let his mother’s words sink into him. Maybe he was just being crazy and scared. It was funny how love did that to you. One moment, you’re on top of the world because the person you love simply smiled at you. The next, you’re crying because she won’t let you even touch her.

“Well listen up, Oliver. I want yeh to be ‘appy. Yeh know that. I would never, ever want you to be unhappy. An’ I can see just ‘ow happy yeh’ve been with Afton for the past two years. And I can see how happy she’s been, as well. Just think it over in yer head a few times. You’ll get it figured out, love.”

He didn’t say anything after that, thinking to himself that maybe this was going to be the best move he had ever made in their relationship. This would be the ultimate thing he could do to convince Afton that he just wanted her. Only her. And hopefully with the way things had been going as of late, she would realize that Oliver was never going to cheat on her again. So they would both be safe then.

Oliver would have the promise of always having Afton, and Afton would have the promise that Oliver would never want anyone else but her.