Status: Slight Hiatis D:
Between You and I
Between You And I Ch. 1
I have a feeling that it all started before either of us knew what love is.
Eric was 6, I was 7. Before that, we were best friends basically since diapers.
We were playing in the sandbox on a school day during recess. We owned that sandbox when it was just the two of us. That doesn’t matter, though. That day was the first day Eric told me he liked me. My naive 7-year-old mind knew nothing harmful in that statement; Eric probably didn’t know what he was saying. I told him I liked him, too, thinking it just meant friends.
When we were ten and eleven, he started hugging me and holding my hand. I just thought it was, again, kindness, even though I did feel a little awkward holding another boy’s hand. I knew I was thinking it was better than a girl’s hand, though, that’s for sure.
Zooming ahead to the present. High school. Junior year. He’s 16, I’m 17. Lunch period.
Eric and I get our food and go to sit down with a few other guys. I jump and almost lose my food as Eric pinches my butt.
I smirk and shake my head, sitting down next to him. “Everyday? Can’t I get a little break?” I said, biting into my pizza.
“I can’t help that your reaction is hilarious.” Eric said as he picked out the jalapeno peppers on his tacos.
Eric kept it pretty well hidden, but I knew he was gay. Looking back, he has been since that day in the sandbox, maybe even longer. And ever since that day, he hasn’t stopped coming after me. At first, it was really overwhelming, because I was 100% sure I was into girls and nothing but.
Was.
Lately it’s been really confusing. I don’t know if I like Eric, or like Eric. I honestly didn’t want the latter to be true. I could just imagine all the criticism and hate that would be put towards me, not to mention my parents would lose their heads and end up kicking me out of the house.
I was pushed out of my thought process as Eric shoved me a little.
“Huh?” I asked, slightly dazed.
“Yes or no?” He asked, like he’s asked about 10 times already.
“To what?”
He planted his face in his hand. “Are we hanging out today?”
“Do you really need to ask?” I said. It was common knowledge that I basically had no life outside of hanging out with Eric, since my girlfriend dumped me two weeks ago. She couldn’t handle Eric’s shenanigans and thought that I was cheating on her with him. She wasn’t the greatest person ever, so I didn’t take it too hard.
Classes the rest of the day went by like any other day, but I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was going to happen.
“So what are we gonna do tonight?” Eric asked as we headed out to his car; we always car pool, switching off every day.
“I don’t know, I got a new game for my Playstation, not even opened.” I offered, still having those unsettling feelings in my mind. Hopefully Eric didn’t pick up too much on them.
“What’s the name?”
“Not sure, I pulled it randomly out of the 5 dollar bin at Wal Mart yesterday after school.” I said, getting into the passenger seat.
“Nice. We should definitely check that out.” Eric said. Then his mood went down from his always carefree attitude to one of concern and uncertainty.
“What’s with the sudden mood swing?” I asked after about five minutes of the most awkward silence ever. He pulled into my driveway and turned off his car. We both just sat there until he sighed and turned to face me. “Matt. We’ve been best friends since I don’t even know when. We’ve been through everything together. I know this is gonna be super awkward–” He paused.
The awkward feeling in my stomach strengthened. I knew this was coming. He never told me directly, but I always knew.
Eric looked me in the eye before he continued. This was hard for him to do. I was going to tell him that I knew he wanted me, but I didn’t want to steal his thunder.
“Matt,” He started again, seeming to get frustrated with himself. “I’ve always liked you as more than a friend. I don’t know why it’s you, but my heart’s always been there for you. It’s getting harder and harder with each passing day to keep myself from you. I just...wanna know...how you feel about me?” Eric confessed, asking his question in a very unsure and not-like-Eric manner.
My mind was blank. I knew he liked me, but I didn’t know the intensity. His heart’s “there for me”? Telling him, lying to him about being not interested in him in any way was going to be a lot harder than I thought.
I sighed. “Do you think we could go in the house..?” I asked, trying to avoid his question as long as possible, stalling so I could think of a believable reason not to be with him, believable for both Eric and myself.
“Oh, right.” Eric said, slightly disheveled. We grabbed our backpacks and went in my house. We had the whole thing to ourselves until 5, thank god. I would not want to explain this whole thing while my parents were in the house. We threw our backpacks on the floor and sat on the couch, facing each other. Eric had that burning question written all over his face, and his eyes were screaming at me to give him some sort of answer. “So?” He asked.
I tore my eyes away from his and looked at the couch, picking at a loose string I found. “Eric...” I trailed off, still not completely sure of what to say and how to say it. “I like you, but as nothing more than my best friend. I’m sorry, but I don’t think it could really be anything more than best friends.”
In those two sentences were all the words Eric didn’t want to hear. His face dropped and it looked like he could cry, but he didn’t. He just nodded. “Alright, that’s cool. Not gonna force something on you that you don’t want.” He didn’t look me in the eye, and when I tried looking at him, he’d distract himself with something else.
“I’m sorry, Eric, but that’s just the way it is. Are you gonna be okay?” I asked.
He shrugged. “I guess I’ll be okay. This is just what I get for having high hopes on something that I kind of figured wouldn’t work out.” He said in a sort of mumbly voice.
I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t say that it would work out, because then I’d basically be going back on my lie and telling him the truth. I know that sounds horrible, but I think that it’s better this way.
The rest of the evening was spent as any other evening would go, but there was still that slight tension in the air between us. It became less and less as the days passed, and we each became a little happier every time the tension let up.
I was lying in my bed on a Friday night, bored out of my mind. My phone vibrated on my bedside table. I picked it up and it was a text from Travis:
hey, come 2 my party 2nite. Bring whoevr.
I smiled and texted Eric, telling him that I’d be there in five minutes to pick him up for a party. He was cool with it, so I went to get him. Once we got to Travis’ house, we heard the bass bumping from down the street, cars everywhere. We got in and were instantly greeted with a bunch of “hey” and “sup” from all the partygoers. We met up with Travis, who was restocking the cheese puffs.
“Hey, thanks for coming. Having fun yet?” He asked.
“Well we just got here, so the fun has just begun.” I said.
Travis laughed and patted our backs, leaving us be in front of the snacks and the big bowl of punch. I took a sip of mine as I remembered I had some. Eric did the same. Something was funky about it, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I just shrugged it off and continued drinking it.
After about my fifth cup, I was on the borderline between tipsy and wasted. So that’s what was in the punch. Everyone else was looking about the same state as me, including Eric, who was looking mighty fine on that couch. Maybe I should try him, just once, just to see what it’s like...
I started giggling and walked over to Eric, straddling him. His drunken self managed a look of surprise.
“You know, Eric, I was always fond of you.” I slurred, playing with his hair clumsily.
His almond eyes became narrower as he smiled. Before he could get anything out, I attacked him with my kiss, not holding back. I wrapped my arms around him so he’d stay close. I felt eyes on us the whole time, but I payed no mind to them. This was our time, not theirs.
“Alright, alright, that’s enough out of you two.” Travis said, not as drunk as the rest of us. He pulled us apart and we were both smiling at each other. He wasn’t too bad, I think I might want to go back for more...
And with that thought, I did go back for more. Much more.
My eyes fluttered open slightly, but closed again as the light hit them, causing the already severe pain in my head to intensify. I turned a different direction and opened my eyes again, this time it didn’t hurt as much. I was on an unfamiliar couch in an unfamiliar house. I rubbed my eyes and focused my vision and my mind, realizing that this was still Travis’ house. I looked across the room and saw Eric on the couch across the room from me.
Eric.
Something happened last night with him...what happened? I tried remembering until my head was throbbing too hard in resistance. I stood up and walked over by Eric, who was still sleeping, it seemed. I almost tripped on a table leg, but caught myself only inches away from Eric’s face.
Then it hit me.
Those gorgeous eyes.
Those amazing lips.
That spectacular body...
I leaned away from Eric, covering my mouth in disbelief. We couldn’t have. I would’ve remembered something like that, drunk or sober.
I heard Eric starting to wake up, so I gained my composure as well as I could before he noticed anything wrong.
He opened his eyes halfway and smiled. “Hey.”
I looked at the floor. “Hi.”
“How’d you sleep last night?”
I sighed, avoiding the question. “Do you remember anything from last night?”
That made is smile grow even bigger. “Do I ever.”
Now I was pissed. I stormed to grab my shoes and get out of that house, having no intension of talking to Eric for a while.
“Hey, Matt, where are you going?” Eric asked.
“People at the party probably caught us making out. Do you know what that’s gonna do for my reputation? If it wasn’t bad enough already?” I grabbed my car keys and opened the door. I paused and looked at Eric, seeing if he had anything else to say. When he didn’t, I slammed the door and went to my car, driving away in fury. When I got home, I instantly went on youtube to see if people uploaded it as a video. I didn’t see any, thank god. I went on myspace to see if they had any pictures and, unfortunately, there were some. I clicked on the album they were in and I didn’t know whether to be grossed out or not. I’m not gonna lie, if I was a girl watching this in the audience, I would’ve liked it. A lot. That’s the thing, though. I’m not a girl, yet I can’t stop staring at it. I eventually just closed out of the window and felt like destroying something. I knew something like that was going to happen. I should’ve known the punch was spiked, it’s not like that was my first time getting drunk.
I heard my door open slowly and a head of brown hair peek in.
My anger instantly flared. “Please. I don’t want to talk to you right now.”
“It’s not that big of a deal. Okay, whatever, we made out at a party. We were drunk, it’s not like anything serious came out of it. And I don’t even know why you’re taking it all out on me. From what I remember, you’re the one who started it all.”
“That doesn’t matter. What’s done is done. All I know is that I’m pissed at you and I’m pretty sure school’s gonna be a living hell come Monday.”
Eric sighed and left the room without a word. I hated it when he was mad at me or ignored me, but he deserved it this time. The making out was whatever, but he took it one step further, and I was not okay with that.
As I predicted, Monday, and the next two weeks, were days of ridicule and harassment. By the end of the day, the words “fag” and “gay” were written all over my windows in window marker. I could’ve broke down in the parking lot. Instead, I just went home without Eric and sat up in my room the whole time, until my parents got home. I felt that I was only safe by myself, where no one could judge me for something I didn’t even remember doing. This happened everyday ever since the party. Even my parents found out about it and they’ve pretty much disowned me, too, at least my dad has. My mom’s still there for me.
“Mom, I want to transfer schools.” I said during dinner, which I rarely ate anymore. I was too depressed to eat.
She swallowed. “Okay, which school?”
“Anywhere but here.” I said monotonously.
Eric was 6, I was 7. Before that, we were best friends basically since diapers.
We were playing in the sandbox on a school day during recess. We owned that sandbox when it was just the two of us. That doesn’t matter, though. That day was the first day Eric told me he liked me. My naive 7-year-old mind knew nothing harmful in that statement; Eric probably didn’t know what he was saying. I told him I liked him, too, thinking it just meant friends.
When we were ten and eleven, he started hugging me and holding my hand. I just thought it was, again, kindness, even though I did feel a little awkward holding another boy’s hand. I knew I was thinking it was better than a girl’s hand, though, that’s for sure.
Zooming ahead to the present. High school. Junior year. He’s 16, I’m 17. Lunch period.
Eric and I get our food and go to sit down with a few other guys. I jump and almost lose my food as Eric pinches my butt.
I smirk and shake my head, sitting down next to him. “Everyday? Can’t I get a little break?” I said, biting into my pizza.
“I can’t help that your reaction is hilarious.” Eric said as he picked out the jalapeno peppers on his tacos.
Eric kept it pretty well hidden, but I knew he was gay. Looking back, he has been since that day in the sandbox, maybe even longer. And ever since that day, he hasn’t stopped coming after me. At first, it was really overwhelming, because I was 100% sure I was into girls and nothing but.
Was.
Lately it’s been really confusing. I don’t know if I like Eric, or like Eric. I honestly didn’t want the latter to be true. I could just imagine all the criticism and hate that would be put towards me, not to mention my parents would lose their heads and end up kicking me out of the house.
I was pushed out of my thought process as Eric shoved me a little.
“Huh?” I asked, slightly dazed.
“Yes or no?” He asked, like he’s asked about 10 times already.
“To what?”
He planted his face in his hand. “Are we hanging out today?”
“Do you really need to ask?” I said. It was common knowledge that I basically had no life outside of hanging out with Eric, since my girlfriend dumped me two weeks ago. She couldn’t handle Eric’s shenanigans and thought that I was cheating on her with him. She wasn’t the greatest person ever, so I didn’t take it too hard.
Classes the rest of the day went by like any other day, but I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was going to happen.
“So what are we gonna do tonight?” Eric asked as we headed out to his car; we always car pool, switching off every day.
“I don’t know, I got a new game for my Playstation, not even opened.” I offered, still having those unsettling feelings in my mind. Hopefully Eric didn’t pick up too much on them.
“What’s the name?”
“Not sure, I pulled it randomly out of the 5 dollar bin at Wal Mart yesterday after school.” I said, getting into the passenger seat.
“Nice. We should definitely check that out.” Eric said. Then his mood went down from his always carefree attitude to one of concern and uncertainty.
“What’s with the sudden mood swing?” I asked after about five minutes of the most awkward silence ever. He pulled into my driveway and turned off his car. We both just sat there until he sighed and turned to face me. “Matt. We’ve been best friends since I don’t even know when. We’ve been through everything together. I know this is gonna be super awkward–” He paused.
The awkward feeling in my stomach strengthened. I knew this was coming. He never told me directly, but I always knew.
Eric looked me in the eye before he continued. This was hard for him to do. I was going to tell him that I knew he wanted me, but I didn’t want to steal his thunder.
“Matt,” He started again, seeming to get frustrated with himself. “I’ve always liked you as more than a friend. I don’t know why it’s you, but my heart’s always been there for you. It’s getting harder and harder with each passing day to keep myself from you. I just...wanna know...how you feel about me?” Eric confessed, asking his question in a very unsure and not-like-Eric manner.
My mind was blank. I knew he liked me, but I didn’t know the intensity. His heart’s “there for me”? Telling him, lying to him about being not interested in him in any way was going to be a lot harder than I thought.
I sighed. “Do you think we could go in the house..?” I asked, trying to avoid his question as long as possible, stalling so I could think of a believable reason not to be with him, believable for both Eric and myself.
“Oh, right.” Eric said, slightly disheveled. We grabbed our backpacks and went in my house. We had the whole thing to ourselves until 5, thank god. I would not want to explain this whole thing while my parents were in the house. We threw our backpacks on the floor and sat on the couch, facing each other. Eric had that burning question written all over his face, and his eyes were screaming at me to give him some sort of answer. “So?” He asked.
I tore my eyes away from his and looked at the couch, picking at a loose string I found. “Eric...” I trailed off, still not completely sure of what to say and how to say it. “I like you, but as nothing more than my best friend. I’m sorry, but I don’t think it could really be anything more than best friends.”
In those two sentences were all the words Eric didn’t want to hear. His face dropped and it looked like he could cry, but he didn’t. He just nodded. “Alright, that’s cool. Not gonna force something on you that you don’t want.” He didn’t look me in the eye, and when I tried looking at him, he’d distract himself with something else.
“I’m sorry, Eric, but that’s just the way it is. Are you gonna be okay?” I asked.
He shrugged. “I guess I’ll be okay. This is just what I get for having high hopes on something that I kind of figured wouldn’t work out.” He said in a sort of mumbly voice.
I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t say that it would work out, because then I’d basically be going back on my lie and telling him the truth. I know that sounds horrible, but I think that it’s better this way.
The rest of the evening was spent as any other evening would go, but there was still that slight tension in the air between us. It became less and less as the days passed, and we each became a little happier every time the tension let up.
I was lying in my bed on a Friday night, bored out of my mind. My phone vibrated on my bedside table. I picked it up and it was a text from Travis:
hey, come 2 my party 2nite. Bring whoevr.
I smiled and texted Eric, telling him that I’d be there in five minutes to pick him up for a party. He was cool with it, so I went to get him. Once we got to Travis’ house, we heard the bass bumping from down the street, cars everywhere. We got in and were instantly greeted with a bunch of “hey” and “sup” from all the partygoers. We met up with Travis, who was restocking the cheese puffs.
“Hey, thanks for coming. Having fun yet?” He asked.
“Well we just got here, so the fun has just begun.” I said.
Travis laughed and patted our backs, leaving us be in front of the snacks and the big bowl of punch. I took a sip of mine as I remembered I had some. Eric did the same. Something was funky about it, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I just shrugged it off and continued drinking it.
After about my fifth cup, I was on the borderline between tipsy and wasted. So that’s what was in the punch. Everyone else was looking about the same state as me, including Eric, who was looking mighty fine on that couch. Maybe I should try him, just once, just to see what it’s like...
I started giggling and walked over to Eric, straddling him. His drunken self managed a look of surprise.
“You know, Eric, I was always fond of you.” I slurred, playing with his hair clumsily.
His almond eyes became narrower as he smiled. Before he could get anything out, I attacked him with my kiss, not holding back. I wrapped my arms around him so he’d stay close. I felt eyes on us the whole time, but I payed no mind to them. This was our time, not theirs.
“Alright, alright, that’s enough out of you two.” Travis said, not as drunk as the rest of us. He pulled us apart and we were both smiling at each other. He wasn’t too bad, I think I might want to go back for more...
And with that thought, I did go back for more. Much more.
My eyes fluttered open slightly, but closed again as the light hit them, causing the already severe pain in my head to intensify. I turned a different direction and opened my eyes again, this time it didn’t hurt as much. I was on an unfamiliar couch in an unfamiliar house. I rubbed my eyes and focused my vision and my mind, realizing that this was still Travis’ house. I looked across the room and saw Eric on the couch across the room from me.
Eric.
Something happened last night with him...what happened? I tried remembering until my head was throbbing too hard in resistance. I stood up and walked over by Eric, who was still sleeping, it seemed. I almost tripped on a table leg, but caught myself only inches away from Eric’s face.
Then it hit me.
Those gorgeous eyes.
Those amazing lips.
That spectacular body...
I leaned away from Eric, covering my mouth in disbelief. We couldn’t have. I would’ve remembered something like that, drunk or sober.
I heard Eric starting to wake up, so I gained my composure as well as I could before he noticed anything wrong.
He opened his eyes halfway and smiled. “Hey.”
I looked at the floor. “Hi.”
“How’d you sleep last night?”
I sighed, avoiding the question. “Do you remember anything from last night?”
That made is smile grow even bigger. “Do I ever.”
Now I was pissed. I stormed to grab my shoes and get out of that house, having no intension of talking to Eric for a while.
“Hey, Matt, where are you going?” Eric asked.
“People at the party probably caught us making out. Do you know what that’s gonna do for my reputation? If it wasn’t bad enough already?” I grabbed my car keys and opened the door. I paused and looked at Eric, seeing if he had anything else to say. When he didn’t, I slammed the door and went to my car, driving away in fury. When I got home, I instantly went on youtube to see if people uploaded it as a video. I didn’t see any, thank god. I went on myspace to see if they had any pictures and, unfortunately, there were some. I clicked on the album they were in and I didn’t know whether to be grossed out or not. I’m not gonna lie, if I was a girl watching this in the audience, I would’ve liked it. A lot. That’s the thing, though. I’m not a girl, yet I can’t stop staring at it. I eventually just closed out of the window and felt like destroying something. I knew something like that was going to happen. I should’ve known the punch was spiked, it’s not like that was my first time getting drunk.
I heard my door open slowly and a head of brown hair peek in.
My anger instantly flared. “Please. I don’t want to talk to you right now.”
“It’s not that big of a deal. Okay, whatever, we made out at a party. We were drunk, it’s not like anything serious came out of it. And I don’t even know why you’re taking it all out on me. From what I remember, you’re the one who started it all.”
“That doesn’t matter. What’s done is done. All I know is that I’m pissed at you and I’m pretty sure school’s gonna be a living hell come Monday.”
Eric sighed and left the room without a word. I hated it when he was mad at me or ignored me, but he deserved it this time. The making out was whatever, but he took it one step further, and I was not okay with that.
As I predicted, Monday, and the next two weeks, were days of ridicule and harassment. By the end of the day, the words “fag” and “gay” were written all over my windows in window marker. I could’ve broke down in the parking lot. Instead, I just went home without Eric and sat up in my room the whole time, until my parents got home. I felt that I was only safe by myself, where no one could judge me for something I didn’t even remember doing. This happened everyday ever since the party. Even my parents found out about it and they’ve pretty much disowned me, too, at least my dad has. My mom’s still there for me.
“Mom, I want to transfer schools.” I said during dinner, which I rarely ate anymore. I was too depressed to eat.
She swallowed. “Okay, which school?”
“Anywhere but here.” I said monotonously.