Ghost.
Under this bridge.
When it first begun, I had no idea what the result would be. When I first started seeing him, your brother, I never expected that any of this would happen.
It was a secret, a great one, and only Gerard and I knew about it. You couldn't know, I decided that and, although Gerard constantly begged for me to tell you, his brother, I couldn't let him. You wouldn't understand.
When I met you, you were fifteen years old and I was fourteen. You were always sad and, even when you tried to be happy, smiling and laughing, I could see it in your eyes that you never were. I often heard you crying in the boys' room and, if I ever went to your house, you were wiping your face with your sleeve as you opened the door. You never wanted to talk about it, Mikey, even when I tried to force the words out, and so I never knew about him. Your brother.
Even when you got happier, little by little, you never opened up to me, not about him, at least. Your smiles were genuine, though, and instead of tears in your eyes there was life. As you got happier, you grew more independent, especially so as you got your license at sixteen. After that, you never wanted to be at your house anymore, always insisting on going to my place, or just somewhere else.
I first started noticing the strange looks you were always giving me a little over a month after my fifteenth birthday. We were in your parents' car, eating greasy McDonald's burgers and French fries that we got from the drive-through, parked in an empty parking lot. There was something about your eyes that day, something I had never seen before. After I saw your brother for the first time, I always felt bad for you, because you two always had the same look of adoration in your almost identical looking pairs of hazel eyes.
The first time you kissed me... I was sixteen.
I shouldn't have kissed back. I'm sorry, Mikey, but I didn't feel that way about you, not back then. I shouldn't have lied to you then, and I shouldn't have abandoned you later.
The first time I saw him, your brother, I was sixteen and a half and I fell in love. He was standing under a tree near my house, and something inside me just freaked out. I walked inside and had a shower, thinking about him and, when I came back to my room, he was there. It felt like a dream, probably was one too, just hallucinations, and nothing could make me want to share him with anyone else. Especially you.
He said that I needed to tell you about him, that he needed to let you know something, but I didn't want to. You couldn't know that I was actually in love with someone else, and you couldn't know about him because... what if you would have wanted to steal him?
Looking back, I now wish I had told you. It wasn't supposed to be a secret, not my secret, at least. The only reason I even got to see Gerard was because he was here for you. I was just supposed to deliver a message from him to you, but I didn't do my job. When he finally let on who he was and the reason he was there, why only I could see him, it was to late for me to do anything for you.
And now, I'm alone.
Your brother, Gerard, is dead and gone, no longer visible to me.
Yesterday, you left me too. It's your eighteenth birthday today, Mikey, and you're lying under a bridge, just like your brother told me he did on his. You're still, pale and quiet, hair damp and messy while your glasses are lost somewhere in the river. Dark blood has dried under your pointy nose, and there are purple scratches on your cheeks.
The ambulance driver tells me that it most likely didn't hurt for you, and I believe him as Gerard once told me that his death had been painless as well. I smile, thinking about his voice that only I could hear, but as I look at your damaged body that they're already closing up in a black body bag, I know that it was you all along. You're the one I was supposed to fall in love with, the one I was supposed to save.
The ambulance is driving away with your body, but I stay here. I'm talking to you like I always talked to your brother, although I can't see you. I just know that you're still here on the river bank, under this bridge.
It was a secret, a great one, and only Gerard and I knew about it. You couldn't know, I decided that and, although Gerard constantly begged for me to tell you, his brother, I couldn't let him. You wouldn't understand.
When I met you, you were fifteen years old and I was fourteen. You were always sad and, even when you tried to be happy, smiling and laughing, I could see it in your eyes that you never were. I often heard you crying in the boys' room and, if I ever went to your house, you were wiping your face with your sleeve as you opened the door. You never wanted to talk about it, Mikey, even when I tried to force the words out, and so I never knew about him. Your brother.
Even when you got happier, little by little, you never opened up to me, not about him, at least. Your smiles were genuine, though, and instead of tears in your eyes there was life. As you got happier, you grew more independent, especially so as you got your license at sixteen. After that, you never wanted to be at your house anymore, always insisting on going to my place, or just somewhere else.
I first started noticing the strange looks you were always giving me a little over a month after my fifteenth birthday. We were in your parents' car, eating greasy McDonald's burgers and French fries that we got from the drive-through, parked in an empty parking lot. There was something about your eyes that day, something I had never seen before. After I saw your brother for the first time, I always felt bad for you, because you two always had the same look of adoration in your almost identical looking pairs of hazel eyes.
The first time you kissed me... I was sixteen.
I shouldn't have kissed back. I'm sorry, Mikey, but I didn't feel that way about you, not back then. I shouldn't have lied to you then, and I shouldn't have abandoned you later.
The first time I saw him, your brother, I was sixteen and a half and I fell in love. He was standing under a tree near my house, and something inside me just freaked out. I walked inside and had a shower, thinking about him and, when I came back to my room, he was there. It felt like a dream, probably was one too, just hallucinations, and nothing could make me want to share him with anyone else. Especially you.
He said that I needed to tell you about him, that he needed to let you know something, but I didn't want to. You couldn't know that I was actually in love with someone else, and you couldn't know about him because... what if you would have wanted to steal him?
Looking back, I now wish I had told you. It wasn't supposed to be a secret, not my secret, at least. The only reason I even got to see Gerard was because he was here for you. I was just supposed to deliver a message from him to you, but I didn't do my job. When he finally let on who he was and the reason he was there, why only I could see him, it was to late for me to do anything for you.
And now, I'm alone.
Your brother, Gerard, is dead and gone, no longer visible to me.
Yesterday, you left me too. It's your eighteenth birthday today, Mikey, and you're lying under a bridge, just like your brother told me he did on his. You're still, pale and quiet, hair damp and messy while your glasses are lost somewhere in the river. Dark blood has dried under your pointy nose, and there are purple scratches on your cheeks.
The ambulance driver tells me that it most likely didn't hurt for you, and I believe him as Gerard once told me that his death had been painless as well. I smile, thinking about his voice that only I could hear, but as I look at your damaged body that they're already closing up in a black body bag, I know that it was you all along. You're the one I was supposed to fall in love with, the one I was supposed to save.
The ambulance is driving away with your body, but I stay here. I'm talking to you like I always talked to your brother, although I can't see you. I just know that you're still here on the river bank, under this bridge.
♠ ♠ ♠
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