Feral Heart
The worst in me.
I woke with a start—something that hardly ever used to happen. I was covered in a sheen of sweat and my hands grasp the sheets as I try to stabilize my breathing and take in my surroundings. I let my eyes roam around the dingy room, the cracked walls, the yellow pigmented ceiling from nicotine, the scratchy, wool curtains that do nothing but dim light of dusk barely peek through—I let out a sigh. I take in a deep breath, there it is, the faint smell of Adam.
I clench the sheets tighter in my fists, letting a small groan rumble through my chest. I can feel my eyes stinging from the want to form and shed tears—tears I have yet to let fall. With a quick movement, I’m on my feet, walking slowly to the black duffle bag that sits on the rickety dresser. I open it, letting the scent of Adam hit my nostrils. I sigh as I reach in and take out one of his tee shirts. I bring it up to my nose and just inhale the smell of him.
I hear laughter outside of my window, I peek through, catching sight of a young couple, holding hands and laughing as they walk together down the small sidewalk. My heart aches at the sight of them. They will be my victims, as is the trend I’ve taken this past year. I walked back to the bed, shirt in hand and curl into myself—how pathetic I am. A monster by nature, a man by spirit, both broken hearted and unwilling to carry on.
I lose myself in my thoughts and before I realize it, I’ve dozed off yet again. My alarm beeps, signaling my last twenty minutes of humanity till dawn. I wake up, finally glancing at the cheap calendar I’ve been trying to ignore—a year. A whole year of darkness, gloom and loneliness; I slowly climb to my feet, taking one last glance around the small motel room—his scent has faded, I’ve left the bag open.
I step outside, walking towards the small forest across the street. I glance up to the dusk-lit sky, looking for something, anything—there’s nothing, there never is. I’ve been forgotten beneath this careless sky. The heavens despise the beast within me. I hear laughter ahead of me, a few hundred feet—it’s those two kids from earlier. I find a tree and settle myself down on the ground to await the rising of the full moon.
I must’ve dozed off again; a swift hit to the side of my face awakens me. I open my eyes; it’s the boy from that lovely couple. I just let him beat me—with no mercy or meaning in his actions—because he can. I smile to myself as I feel a rib crack and feel the blood trickle down and out of my nose, over my lips. I lick them, tasting my own blood.
Then I glance over his shoulder and see her, my lunar queen. Resting high in the sky, illuminating all with her resilient glow and I grin. I feel the changes begin to start within me. My bones stretching and cracking, my teeth elongating and my hair growing; I watch through half-lidded eyes as the boy above me stares at me in wonder. Within seconds I’m transformed and I have him pinned beneath me.
The girl’s screams echo through the newborn night and his whimpers and muffled screams just add to the ambiance. Briefly—and only just—I glance towards the girl. The look her eyes let me know I’m just a creature with a dark purpose in life, there is nothing pleasant about me. I bring my teeth to the boy’s throat—funny how the helpless never say anything right before they die.
”can’t you just tell me how you feel? You nev—“
His eyes glance over my right shoulder and widen in fear—an emotion I hadn’t seen flash through those eyes in years. Then I smelt it, metal, and the not the metallic of blood, but pure metal. I could hear soft breaths and the slow clicks of a cocking gun. Adam’s wide eyes met mine once more and I heard the shot before the trigger was pulled—instinct had me duck.
I was doomed to this forsaken life till I died. I slowly inched away from the boy beneath me, meeting his confused, fear filled eyes. I glanced over at the girl, cowering at the base of a tree, her eyes not locked on my form but that of her lover. She was crying, pleading for me to leave him alone. Her eyes reminded me of that night, Adam’s eyes, in those brief last moments. He was afraid, not for himself, but for me.
With a growl I let them go. Watching as they run back towards the motel, towards civilization, towards people. I let out a howl; letting out the pain I’ve kept inside, the sorrow, the anger—everything. Then I ran, ran as fast as I could for as long as I could tolerate. Hours upon hours I ran, sticking to the shadows of the trees. I collapsed a while later and didn’t bother to fight the fatigue I had put myself under.
I woke the next morning, the scent of nature overwhelming me. I blinked before blearily taking in the sight around me—there were trees, but I could feel a small breeze. I stiffly climbed to my feet and walked into the breeze, following it to a small bluff. I stood at the top, glancing around me. I let the breeze dance over my, tousle my hair and without a second thought, I jumped.
I clench the sheets tighter in my fists, letting a small groan rumble through my chest. I can feel my eyes stinging from the want to form and shed tears—tears I have yet to let fall. With a quick movement, I’m on my feet, walking slowly to the black duffle bag that sits on the rickety dresser. I open it, letting the scent of Adam hit my nostrils. I sigh as I reach in and take out one of his tee shirts. I bring it up to my nose and just inhale the smell of him.
I hear laughter outside of my window, I peek through, catching sight of a young couple, holding hands and laughing as they walk together down the small sidewalk. My heart aches at the sight of them. They will be my victims, as is the trend I’ve taken this past year. I walked back to the bed, shirt in hand and curl into myself—how pathetic I am. A monster by nature, a man by spirit, both broken hearted and unwilling to carry on.
I lose myself in my thoughts and before I realize it, I’ve dozed off yet again. My alarm beeps, signaling my last twenty minutes of humanity till dawn. I wake up, finally glancing at the cheap calendar I’ve been trying to ignore—a year. A whole year of darkness, gloom and loneliness; I slowly climb to my feet, taking one last glance around the small motel room—his scent has faded, I’ve left the bag open.
I step outside, walking towards the small forest across the street. I glance up to the dusk-lit sky, looking for something, anything—there’s nothing, there never is. I’ve been forgotten beneath this careless sky. The heavens despise the beast within me. I hear laughter ahead of me, a few hundred feet—it’s those two kids from earlier. I find a tree and settle myself down on the ground to await the rising of the full moon.
I must’ve dozed off again; a swift hit to the side of my face awakens me. I open my eyes; it’s the boy from that lovely couple. I just let him beat me—with no mercy or meaning in his actions—because he can. I smile to myself as I feel a rib crack and feel the blood trickle down and out of my nose, over my lips. I lick them, tasting my own blood.
Then I glance over his shoulder and see her, my lunar queen. Resting high in the sky, illuminating all with her resilient glow and I grin. I feel the changes begin to start within me. My bones stretching and cracking, my teeth elongating and my hair growing; I watch through half-lidded eyes as the boy above me stares at me in wonder. Within seconds I’m transformed and I have him pinned beneath me.
The girl’s screams echo through the newborn night and his whimpers and muffled screams just add to the ambiance. Briefly—and only just—I glance towards the girl. The look her eyes let me know I’m just a creature with a dark purpose in life, there is nothing pleasant about me. I bring my teeth to the boy’s throat—funny how the helpless never say anything right before they die.
”can’t you just tell me how you feel? You nev—“
His eyes glance over my right shoulder and widen in fear—an emotion I hadn’t seen flash through those eyes in years. Then I smelt it, metal, and the not the metallic of blood, but pure metal. I could hear soft breaths and the slow clicks of a cocking gun. Adam’s wide eyes met mine once more and I heard the shot before the trigger was pulled—instinct had me duck.
I was doomed to this forsaken life till I died. I slowly inched away from the boy beneath me, meeting his confused, fear filled eyes. I glanced over at the girl, cowering at the base of a tree, her eyes not locked on my form but that of her lover. She was crying, pleading for me to leave him alone. Her eyes reminded me of that night, Adam’s eyes, in those brief last moments. He was afraid, not for himself, but for me.
With a growl I let them go. Watching as they run back towards the motel, towards civilization, towards people. I let out a howl; letting out the pain I’ve kept inside, the sorrow, the anger—everything. Then I ran, ran as fast as I could for as long as I could tolerate. Hours upon hours I ran, sticking to the shadows of the trees. I collapsed a while later and didn’t bother to fight the fatigue I had put myself under.
I woke the next morning, the scent of nature overwhelming me. I blinked before blearily taking in the sight around me—there were trees, but I could feel a small breeze. I stiffly climbed to my feet and walked into the breeze, following it to a small bluff. I stood at the top, glancing around me. I let the breeze dance over my, tousle my hair and without a second thought, I jumped.
♠ ♠ ♠
THE END.