I'm Not Your Boyfriend Baby

It had been weeks since I’d last gone to school. I was okay with this though, no one came looking for me and no one cared. My smile twisted into a sickening smirk, even for me this was disgustingly gross; it was far too long to leave Nyk with Arrow and Sam.

At the mere thought of them I felt my anger rise I felt the need to destroy something, I needed some release. I grabbed the remote to Rain’s stereo and pressed play causing Scream by Adelitas Way.

Light the gasoline
I've got the remedy
To burn your memories
I don't know if it can
Never be afraid
To live with the lies and pain
You're never gonna be the same
I don't know if you can
I wanna take it too far
Come on don't be shy
I wanna make you go down, down

This song was my life. It was Nyk and I; I was trying to burn him from my memory; ever since he was brain washed by Arrow and Sam I’d been trying to get rid of him. I was angry, and only got angrier with every second passing.

I can make you scream
How I live my life when I have no choice
I see it in your eyes you're crazy
Just scream
How it feels inside
Let me hear your voice
And make it loud this time it opens up my mind

I wanted so badly to go find Arrow and rip his lungs out through his nose. But at the moment I didn’t have the energy, I was tired, but I wasn’t going to sleep. If I slept then my dreams would haunt me even as I woke. I got up and grabbed a bottle of cheap Vodka Rain had bought for me incase I hit emergency levels.

Tell me what you see
I'm not your enemy
If that's what you wanna be
I don't know if I can
When you scream my name
And I take all the blame
It's never gonna be the same
I don't know if you care
I wanna take it too far come on don't be shy
I wanna make you go down, down

The song was still playing. It was taunting me and my life. I took a swig of the hard liquor and relished as it burned on its way down my stomach. I enjoyed the fact it settled in my stomach and warmed me in a way nothing else could.

I can make you scream
How I live my life when I have no choice
I see it in your eyes you're crazy
Just scream
How it feels inside
Let me hear your voice
And make it loud this time it opens up my mind

I glared at the inanimate object that seemed to be mocking me. I was alone in the house, alone in life. Just…Alone. No one gave a fuck about me. No one.

Maybe you're in denial
It kills me I can see it it's on your face
I can't see
Now we're breaking the silence
When you scream
Let it go and you take it away

I was most definitely in denial about what was going down in my life, but quite frankly I didn’t give a flying fuck. My Aunt and Uncle didn’t even come looking for me when I ‘went missing’ in truth they’d stopped caring what I did a long time ago. I was this wild child and I was going to do what I wanted when I wanted and I didn’t give a fuck. Still don’t. My aunt and uncle stopped asking/caring who I brought home on many occasions. They stopped asking where I was a long time ago. They stopped noticing when I disappeared for long periods. The only one who did was Nyk…And he was gone now.

I can make you scream
How I live my life when I have no choice
I see it in your eyes you're crazy
Just scream
How it feels inside
Let me hear your voice
And make it loud this time it opens up my mind

I pushed away from the counter I’d been standing at and dragged myself to the room I’d been staying in for the past few weeks. Rain had taken me back to my aunt and uncle’s house to grab some of my stuff when I knew they wouldn’t be there. My cell phone was still lying in a cracked heap on the floor of the clearing I’d met Sam in—god that seemed like forever ago. Guess it was. Time moves quickly when I don’t have a care in the world. Well it moves quickly when I’m not being forced to do shit I don’t want to.

Maybe you're in denial
I can make you scream
I can see it it's on your face
When you scream
Now we're breaking the silence
I can make you scream
Let it go and you take it away

I lay out on the bed and downed the rest of the Vodka…Well even if it was a shit way to fall asleep at least this way I’d be getting some form of sleep. Even if I didn’t wake up, no one would care. No one really noticed, why would they care?

I silently began to wonder what would have happened had Arrow and Sam not shown up in my already fucked up life.

I woke up sometime later to Rain walking into my room…Well his guest bedroom.
“Come on get up,”
“Why,” I asked my voice slightly hoarse from the alcohol and the meager amount of sleep I’d gotten.
“Just get up and change,” he said before walking out of my room I sighed and did as he asked. I usually wouldn’t, but he wasn’t in a mood to be fucked with and I knew this. For a short, tiny guy Rain had a mean side to him. He wouldn’t do anything he’d just ignore you for three days. Trust me, it sucks ‘cause he’s usually chipper and bouncy. Kinda like the old Nyk, the Nyk I could actually stand.

I sighed and grabbed a pair of clean jeans and a random white tee shirt. I pulled on the skinny jeans and pulled the black and white Fox Racing shirt over my head. I was slightly hungover and I didn’t want to be going where ever Rain was taking me, but since I didn’t want to make him mad I was just gonna go with it and hopefully drink some more. I seem to be doing that a lot…Drinking. It takes my mind off everything, and for a while I forget that I’m fucked, but lately I seem to need to drink more just to pass out.

What I need now is sex.

What? Everyone has their own way of dealing with things…Mine just aren’t the healthiest of ways.