I'm Not Your Boyfriend Baby

’I’m leaving with Arrow, tonight. And with that he was gone. No more Nyk…why did it feel like my lungs were collapsing? The whole damn room started to spin and if I hadn’t been sitting down already I probably would have collapsed. Not to sound like a chick or anything, but…how the fuck did this happen? The pain…the pain I was in was something new to me. I usually relished in the agony I caused myself. It hurt, but it felt wonderfully sick at the same time. But this…this didn’t bring me any pleasure, didn’t make me feel joy. It just killed me. I felt like glass was being shot through my whole body. Being pumped through my veins, slicing chunks out of my insides. I wanted to scream, wanted to do something, but I’d slid into a numb place. A place I could protect myself from.

I felt a drink being pressed into my hand by Andy who’d heard the whole conversation since the volume was turned up to the max on my phone. Andy…how the fuck had she gotten here? I downed the drink in about three large gulps and set the glass on the counter, as the liquor burned on its path down my throat. I was pretty wasted at this point, but hell did I care? Not really, my life had fallen apart and the tiny bit of it I’d managed to save from damnation was leaving with a deranged lunatic that I wanted to tear to pieces.

“Come on Sixx, you’re drunk and you’re done, you gotta sleep this off.” Andy sighed softly trying to lift me off the stool I was on. I’d worked out enough that I had more muscle than I’d had previously and I’d actually managed to gain some of the weight I lost back when I was bingeing on god only knows what. She tried to get me up, but frankly I wasn’t having any part in moving at the moment.

“I’m very drunk and I intend on getting drunker still before this evening is over.” I quipped at her, remaining rooted to where I sat.

“Sixx if you don’t go get him now he’s gone. Do you get that?” She was trying anything she could now to get me up.

“He’s already gone Andy…he’s been gone for a while now.” I murmured staring down at my fingers, my words slurred and almost incoherent. Andy sighed sounding desperate now “you can fix this Sixx, please just fix this. I don’t wanna watch you destroy yourself again. I can’t watch that, not this time.”

I glanced at her “then don’t watch.”

“YOU DON’T GET IT! I CAN’T JUST NOT WATCH YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF!” She was drawing attention to us, she knew how much I hated having anyone’s attention on me.

“Then don’t fucking watch me do it Andy.” And that’s when I spotted Ryder; fuck. The sneaky bitch had set me up to explode. Ryder was the one person I knew better than to fuck with because not only was he the only person I could count on most of the time, he was the only person who could hand me my ass. Ryder grabbed me and I figured I’d just signed my death wish over, not that I hadn’t been toeing that line for a while now. Ryder sighed as he yanked me into his truck, my drunken mind began to wonder why this wasn’t over already but the slightly sober part of me, the very very very tiny part of my brain was saying that this wasn’t what this was about.

I glared at him quietly “what do you want Ryder?” The words left my mouth before I could comprehend them, not like I wasn’t dead already. The damage I’d done to my liver alone would probably kill me with in a few days.

“You say you don’t care about what anyone does, but this says otherwise Sixx. You care a hell of a lot more than you’ll let on.”

I scowled at Ryder “sorry the ‘caring’ part of my being was beaten out of me a long time ago.” I’d lost most of my compassion as a child and a young adult. Ryder’s eyes closed like what I’d just said pained him greatly. “People react to abuse in different ways, you…you lash out. Nyk…Nyk doesn’t know how to lash out; he’s dependent on Arrow the one person who has ever shown him any kind of affection. So shape the fuck up and fix this.”

“What if I can’t anymore Ryder?”

“Then find a way to.” He snapped back at my icy tone. My mind wandered back, I’d been bounced around from house to house from family to family for most of my young childhood. I’d only been settled in this town because my aunt and uncle lived here and when I came to them I was already an angry child. They just dealt with it.

My parents had shipped me off to my grandparents on my father’s side of the family first. My grandfather had a hard backhand and didn’t take any form of what he viewed as disobedience in his house. A Vietnam Vet he’d been raised in a tough world. My grandmother hadn’t been much better. After my grandmother on my mother’s side caught wind of what was happening, she pulled me out of that house and brought me into her own. She passed away shortly after words, she’d been in bad health for most of her life. But I can honestly say she was the only person in that horrid family that I cared for.

Once she’d passed my parents took me back, but they couldn’t stand me. I was already angry and reckless. Getting into things I shouldn’t and fighting with everyone I could. So then they shipped me off to my aunt and uncle who I’d stayed with until I was ten, then they sent me back to my parents because my behavior had improved. Mainly because I met Nyk and he was always so nice that I couldn’t be mean to him. I was with my parents for all of three months before I found myself back at my aunt and uncles for trying to set the dining room table on fire. I was angry and rebelling. Needless to say I still have a scar from where my mother’s impressive diamond ring cut into my cheek.

So I was shipped to my aunt and uncle on my mother’s side this time since my parents viewed my father’s aunt and uncle as too lenient on me. My uncle, not long after figuring out that I wasn’t entirely straight took a kitchen knife to me. A very good god fearing man he loathed me. I escaped and found myself back at my aunt and uncle’s again. Since they both lived in the same town needless to say I was pretty damn grateful to see that house.

I’ve stayed with them ever since; never sticking around for more than a couple days or for a family gathering once and a while to please them. It’s the best I can do, and what I’ll do since they haven’t tried to kill me. Yet anyways.

Nyk had been the only constant in my life, and even though his parents hadn’t really liked me, they’d put up with me since their son seemed to be my friend. All through elementary and middle school and even into high school that’s how it had been. And now, because of some sadistic abusive asshole he was gone. My mind whirled and the room seemed to spin. I felt Ryder’s hand on my shoulder the instant before I started puking my guts out.

When I finally finished I straightened up and felt a little more sober finally.

Shaking my head slightly to clear it I grabbed my car keys and jumped into the sleek black sedan as Andy handed me a GPS already telling me where to go.

“I traced the call and it gave me this address, just go and thank me later.” She smirked before stepping back and allowing me to peel out of the parking lot.